Sunday, December 28, 2008

hot young purity ball action!



i DEFY you to find me any other video on earth creepier than this!
link or send videos in comments!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

thank you for old beat poets



For John Dillinger
In hope he is still alive
Thanksgiving Day, November 28, 1986

Thanks for the wild turkey and the Passenger Pigeons, destined to be shit out through wholesome American guts

thanks for a Continent to despoil and poison —

thanks for Indians to provide a modicum of challenge and danger —

thanks for vast herds of bison to kill and skin, leaving the carcass to rot —

thanks for bounties on wolves and coyotes —

thanks for the AMERICAN DREAM to vulgarize and falsify until the bare lies shine through —

thanks for the KKK, for nigger-killing lawmen feeling their notches, for decent church-going women with their mean, pinched, bitter, evil faces —

thanks for "Kill a Queer for Christ" stickers —

thanks for laboratory AIDS —

thanks for Prohibition and the War Against Drugs —

thanks for a country where nobody is allowed to mind his own business —

thanks for a nation of finks — yes, thanks for all the memories... all right, let's see your arms... you always were a headache and you always were a bore —

thanks for the last and greatest betrayal of the last and greatest of human dreams.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

questionaire

About My Family
i am a 32 year old woman. mother, wife, and spiritual basketcase...sometimes it is a very pretty basket with a lovely ribbon on it :) my husband is 25 years old. i try very hard to be a hippie . matters of interest to me are (unassisted) homebirth (of which i have done two...guess which), frugality, environmentalism, feminism, mysticism, politics, and the internet

What are your children's ages and names?
sebastian roger (9)
river frederick jack (2 1/2)
bellaluna evalina (1)

Are you considering having more?
NO

How would you describe your parenting philosophy?
i am going to try to see how much LOVE my children can contain. we are very LOVING. every single day when each person wakes up, all the others are waiting to love them and excited to see them. (my childhood was QUITE far from THAT) i am quite unorthodox for our "environment" (town, state, nation, planet haha) so i do my best to encourage that in my children, so at least the five of us will be similar :) i also am trying an experiment where i try to mother like a "grandma" so that my children will never say that i was a shitty mother but a wonderful grandmother. i am hoping that turns out well!
to improve upon my childhood is inevitably simple. but i suppose that that is what is my inner gauge, whether i want t to be or not. :)
since we are a blended family (my oldest son is from my first marriage, his father has since passed away) we have a family name, MOONSTONE, which makes us one family under one banner. one of the wisest and smartest things i ever did! :)

What's your favorite parenting book (if any)?
spiritual midwifery, mrs. sharp's traditions,

What are your family’s favorite books and toys?
i am very very picky (or try to be) and have a very small screen with which these kids (and their relatives) can slip through toys from china or name brands or media charecters.

i own hundreds of books for the children (and myself) it is my prized accomplishment in the material world that i have built up a library for them (and our family)...

right now, sebastian and i are working our way through the harry potter books and the babies just enjoy getting them off the shelves and tossing them around. river likes the pokey little puppy rather a lot at the moment

What are you family’s favorite TV shows or movies?
we don't have cable television, only movies on vcr or dvd. and very limited ones at that. i dont really allow what i call "commercialized" television/movies. if there is a charecter you have to BUY (ie dora or thomas the tank engine, etc) i dont go there (and the grandparents are getting wise to it finally :) )

river has been watching the oldskool willie wonka and the chocolate factory for nigh on 8 days now....


What are your family's favorite foods?
i am a pretty good cook. better than fair, i'd say. so i make good meals and nice things that are each person's favorite.

the thing i am PROUD as hell about in the food department, is that i have been making bellaluna's baby food from (as) scratch (as possible) and THAT feels WONDERFUL!!!

What are your family's favorite places to hang out?
in our living room.
outside in the yards

What one adjective would you choose to describe your household?
MOONSTONE


What do you see your kids doing when they grow up?
sebastian- teacher....river- cassanova haha bella- i am not sure yet

Describe your most humbling parenting moment.
when sebastian's dad died and i had to help him with Death and Grief and at the same time being his only parent now

Who are you looking to meet on The Playground?
anyone really...

Saturday, November 15, 2008

on which i type about going to college...and a lot of death

i am so jealous of people that have gone to college that i could commit suicide about it sometimes.

i won't, because i am weak...and i would probably get reincarnated as someone who didn't/doesn't/won't/can't go to college AGAIN.

i do not know what your mother did when you were a kid. but i can pretty much bet that you try not to do it and it is killing you.

(lots of death already and i have written three sentences. THAT is how much this hurts)

my mother went to college while i was a kid. therefore, i won't/cannot do that to my children. i don't even think it is a BAD thing, when i think about my mother and myself as PEOPLE. i am REALLY proud of her, in a politically correct kind of way, and even in my heart and mind i know it is a GREAT achievement. but, god it hurts like hell too.

i DIDN'T get to go....i COULDN'T get my shit together...the INSTABILITY and UTTER MADNESS of my childhood was FAR TOO INTENSE for my OVERLYSENSITIVE beingness.

i will take ALL the blame...and how! i will take ALL the disappointment at the pissing away, shitting away, vomiting away, drinking and drugging away, all the rotting and decaying away of the (supposed) POTENTIAL that i was BORN WITH (or aquired somewhere in the first 6 or so years of my life)...

don't think that is not what i am doing while you are at your job, or having your social life, or being otherwise functional and worthwhile. :)

there are as many factors to my DOWNFALL and BOTTOMFEEDING "life"style as there have been days, weeks, months, decades, seconds and years of my "life" thus far.

and there will be as many EXCUSES and SICKNESSES and PAINFUL moments, days, weeks, years, and milliseconds as humanly possible before i ever get myself put together. because i have a feeling that Steffy Dumpty fell off that wall a too long time ago.

When i was seven years old, my second grade teacher instructed her husband to build a six foot tall by 3 feet in length 3-sided wooden box. i would've LOVED to've been privy to THAT conversation...

(if there is a heaven, or an afterlife in which ANYTHING from this world is relevent, i am going to ask to SEE that man building THAT box....)

My "teacher" then brought THE BOX into the classroom and sat it up against the cubby wall. THEN scooted my desk into it...my tiny little second grade desk and chair...ever seen one???

When i got to school that morning, i WONDER so much what i thought. I will wonder for the rest of my life why i didnt fight back, or resist, or cajole my way out. but i didn't.

And for MONTHS i spent all my "classroom" time IN THE BOX...except for recess, where the kids would SCOURGE (i didnt KNOW that word, looked it up and it's right) me like you may have never seen a child be treated...lunch (where i am sure i binged...don't even think i didnt binge) and GIFTED CLASS.

Why? Why did this happen?! i spent my entire adolescence and early adulthood drinking bourbon, smoking weed and asking myself that question, whether directly or indirectly.

FINALLY when i was 28 years old, i asked my mother point blank (my mother who was in college to become a TEACHER while i was IN THE BOX)...

she answered thus:

"when you were in kindergarten i went to your first parent teacher conference and your teacher jumped my case because you weren't doing your M....Munchy Mouth papers...."

(i could READ at 3 years old....i picked up a book and READ it...think Mathilda, my mother's nickname for me)...

***my son, sebastian just walked into this room and said "that is a lot of typing you are doing momma. and what is it going to matter for. what good is it anyway, writing anything???***

So, yeah, the BOX...it really has EVERYTHING to do with me...EVERYTHING. and i have tried EVERYTHING i can think of to rid myself of it, but THAT IS WHO I AM ....i am THE GIRL WHO GOT PUT IN A BOX AND CANNOT HEAL HERSELF OF THAT.

i have been to therapy...THEY cannot HEAL ME OF IT either.

i have been to gurus...THEY cannot HEAL ME OF IT either.

it is who i am.

i do not know what has happened to you that MADE you who you are. but being isolated in a wooden box when i was a fragile seven year old impoverished beautiful starchild, who yes talked too much because i was bored...

THAT is why i can't/won't/don't/haven't/should/ain't gone to college.

It ruined ME...destroyed ME. and NOTHING will fix it. and NOW i have CHILDREN of my own, so i can't go to school. i won't because i cannot leave them. because they cannot ever feel ISOLATED or ALONE.

This has altered my genetic legacy. This has profoundly affected my mental well being and therefore my ability to be an outwordly good, rational, okay, organized, nice, educated, possibly socially acceptable person.

Who would i be if it hadn't've happened? I dunno. i am sure as stacked as the deck was against me (poverty, instability, family history of alcoholism and addiction, etc etc etc) if it weren't for THE BOX i imagine SOMETHING would've done me in.

Do i think that i would've gone to college and BECOME SOMEONE/SOMETHING if it hadn't've been for THE BOX? i doubt it.

what i know is that i read blogs alot and i read about STRUGGLING blogger/mother/freelance writers who have college degrees (and you can bet your sweet fuckin bippy have had CUSHIER lives than mine has been) who OPINE all day long about what a STRUGGLE their lives are. God, that hurts me sooooooooooooo badly. Like being beaten. With clubs.

but, here i go! there are dishes to be done and breakfasts to be made and bottles and SOMETHING for bastian- i hope! and a husband who is still here even though i am mean, computer addicted, and he has do deal with this fragile girl in the box eightthousandmillion times a day....

i wrap it all up in a box called Depression and TRY SO FUCKING HARD to tie any kind of pretty bow around it for decoration and i TRUDGE ahead through the muck and the beautiful.

don't we all???

Sunday, November 2, 2008

guess who's coming to dinner

By FRANK RICH
for the New York Times
Published: November 1, 2008

Photobucket

AND so: just how far have we come?


As a rough gauge last week, I watched a movie I hadn't seen since it came out when I was a teenager in 1967. Back then "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" was Hollywood's idea of a stirring call for racial justice. The premise: A young white woman falls madly in love with a black man while visiting the University of Hawaii and brings him home to San Francisco to get her parents' blessing. Dad, a crusading newspaper publisher, and Mom, a modern art dealer, are wealthy white liberals — Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy, no less — so surely there can be no problem. Complications ensue before everyone does the right thing.
Though the film was a box-office smash and received 10 Oscar nominations, even four decades ago it was widely ridiculed as dated by liberal critics. The hero, played by the first black Hollywood superstar, Sidney Poitier, was seen as too perfect and too "white" — an impossibly handsome doctor with Johns Hopkins and Yale on his résumé and a Nobel-worthy career fighting tropical diseases in Africa for the World Health Organization. What couple would not want him as a son-in-law? "He's so calm and sure of everything," says his fiancée. "He doesn't have any tensions in him." She is confident that every single one of their biracial children will grow up to "be president of the United States and they'll all have colorful administrations."

What a strange movie to confront in 2008. As the world knows, Barack Obama's own white mother and African father met at the University of Hawaii. In "Dreams From My Father," he even imagines the awkward dinner where his mother introduced her liberal-ish parents to her intended in 1959. But what's most startling about this archaic film is the sole element in it that proves inadvertently contemporary. Faced with a black man in the mold of the Poitier character — one who appears "so calm" and without "tensions" — white liberals can make utter fools of themselves. When Joe Biden spoke of Obama being "clean" and "articulate," he might have been recycling Spencer Tracy's lines of 41 years ago.

Biden's gaffe, though particularly naked, prefigured a larger pattern in the extraordinary election campaign that has brought an African-American to the brink of the presidency. Our political and news media establishments — fixated for months on tracking down every unreconstructed bigot in blue-collar America — have their own conspicuous racial myopia, with its own set of stereotypes and clichés. They consistently underestimated Obama's candidacy because they often saw him as a stand-in for the two-dimensional character Poitier had to shoulder in "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner." It's why so many got this election wrong so often.

There were countless ruminations, in print and on television, asking the same two rhetorical questions: "Is He Black Enough?" and "Is He Tough Enough?" The implied answer to both was usually, "No." The brown-skinned child of biracial parents wasn't really "black" and wouldn't appeal to black voters who were overwhelmingly loyal to the wife of America's first "black" president. And as a former constitutional law professor, Obama was undoubtedly too lofty an intellectual to be a political street fighter, too much of a wuss to land a punch in a debate, too ethereal to connect to "real" Americans. He was Adlai Stevenson, Michael Dukakis or Bill Bradley in dark face — no populist pugilist like John Edwards.

The list of mistaken prognostications that grew from these flawed premises is long. As primary season began, we were repeatedly told that Hillary Clinton's campaign was the most battle-tested and disciplined, with an invincible organization and an unbeatable donors' network. Poor Obama had to settle for the ineffectual passion of the starry-eyed, Internet-fixated college kids who failed to elect Howard Dean in 2004. When Clinton lost in Iowa, no matter; Obama could never breach the "firewalls" that would wrap up her nomination by Super Tuesday. Neither the Clinton campaign nor the many who bought its spin noticed the take-no-prisoners political insurgency that Obama had built throughout the caucus states and that serves him to this day.

Once Obama wrested the nomination from Clinton by surpassing her in organization, cash and black votes, he was still often seen as too wimpy to take on the Republicans. This prognosis was codified by Karl Rove, whose punditry for The Wall Street Journal and Newsweek has been second only to Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert as a reliable source of laughs this year. Rove called Obama "lazy," and over the summer he predicted that his fund-raising had peaked in February and that he'd have a "serious problem" winning over Hispanics. Well, Obama was lazy like a fox, and is leading John McCain among Hispanics by 2 to 1. Obama has also pulled ahead among white women despite the widespread predictions that he'd never bring furious Hillary supporters into the fold.

But certainly the single most revelatory moment of the campaign — about the political establishment, not Obama — arrived in June when he reversed his position on taking public financing. This was a huge flip-flop (if no bigger than McCain's on the Bush tax cuts). But the reaction was priceless. Suddenly the political world discovered that far from being some exotic hothouse flower, Obama was a pol from Chicago. Up until then it rarely occurred to anyone that he had to be a ruthless competitor, not merely a sweet-talking orator, to reach the top of a political machine even rougher than the Clinton machine he had brought down. Whether that makes him more black or more white remains unresolved.

Early in the campaign, the black commentator Tavis Smiley took a lot of heat when he questioned all the rhetoric, much of it from white liberals, about Obama being "post-racial." Smiley pointed out that there is "no such thing in America as race transcendence." He is right of course. America can no sooner disown its racial legacy, starting with the original sin of slavery, than it can disown its flag; it's built into our DNA. Obama acknowledged as much in his landmark speech on race in Philadelphia in March.

Yet much has changed for the better since the era of "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner," thanks to the epic battles of the civil-rights movement that have made the Obama phenomenon possible. As Mark Harris reminds us in his recent book about late 1960s Hollywood, "Pictures at a Revolution," it was not until the year of the movie's release that the Warren Court handed down the Loving decision overturning laws that forbade interracial marriage in 16 states; in the film's final cut there's still an outdated line referring to the possibility that the young couple's nuptials could be illegal (as Obama's parents' marriage would have been in, say, Virginia). In that same year of 1967, L.B.J.'s secretary of state, Dean Rusk, offered his resignation when his daughter, a Stanford student, announced her engagement to a black Georgetown grad working at NASA. (Johnson didn't accept it.)

Obama's message and genealogy alike embody what has changed in the decades since. When he speaks of red and blue America being seamlessly woven into the United States of America, it is always shorthand for the reconciliation of black and white and brown and yellow America as well. Demographically, that's where America is heading in the new century, and that will be its destiny no matter who wins the election this year.

Still, the country isn't there yet, and should Obama be elected, America will not be cleansed of its racial history or conflicts. It will still have a virtually all-white party as one of its two most powerful political organizations. There will still be white liberals who look at Obama and can't quite figure out what to make of his complex mixture of idealism and hard-knuckled political cunning, of his twin identities of international sojourner and conventional middle-class overachiever.

After some 20 months, we're all still getting used to Obama and still, for that matter, trying to read his sometimes ambiguous takes on both economic and foreign affairs. What we have learned definitively about him so far — and what may most account for his victory, should he achieve it — is that he had both the brains and the muscle to outsmart, outmaneuver and outlast some of the smartest people in the country, starting with the Clintons. We know that he ran a brilliant campaign that remained sane and kept to its initial plan even when his Republican opponent and his own allies were panicking all around him. We know that that plan was based on the premise that Americans actually are sick of the divisive wedge issues that have defined the past couple of decades, of which race is the most divisive of all.

Obama doesn't transcend race. He isn't post-race. He is the latest chapter in the ever-unfurling American racial saga. It is an astonishing chapter. For most Americans, it seems as if Obama first came to dinner only yesterday. Should he win the White House on Tuesday, many will cheer and more than a few will cry as history moves inexorably forward.

But we are a people as practical as we are dreamy. We'll soon remember that the country is in a deep ditch, and that we turned to the black guy not only because we hoped he would lift us up but because he looked like the strongest leader to dig us out

Sunday, October 26, 2008

HUMANS (sunday church for steff)

the thing i am maybe most sad about, in a twisted way, in all of this POLITICS stuff, is that i feel that a majority of the population is questioning itself and its beliefs and even if they are being pigheaded, ultra(anti)-christian, racist low i.q. denizens of AMERICUH, at least they are thinking and conflicted and downright manic....

and that is giving me a bit of respite in the balance. because that's how i always am, and i am feeling some psychic relief from everyone else doing a bit of CARING and THINKING.

i think i am going to miss that.

and i want the weak little sprouts of positivism and hope and change to have a chance to grow and i am doing my best to THINK that the shit i am hearing that is negative and hateful and so anti-(the) Christ energy and message (and i am talking about You, here: racist, sexist, supposedly "christian", usually older than dirt but sometimes fresh as a daisy hate-filled closeminded Real americans)...is just what it feels like when taken positively, it is shit...manure.

any of you with any sort of that negativity and closed smallmindedness who cannot see that positive energy is REAL and that there are those of us who COLLECT it and STORE it and USE it as our main energy source are HURTING and SCARED and it comes out in your pinched off high-pitched terrified (because those with whom you have alighned yourselves with have TERRORIZED you for decades, but especially this last one) voices. Or your bullheaded bible verses and skewed mishmashmix of politireligion
which is not serving you but working against you and all that you hold dear.

there IS a heaven and it is here on earth. and the jesus in that book would not be an american "CONSERVATIVE". would NOT. period.

would not be an american "LIBERAL" either.

he would be JESUS the son of DIVINE.

and there is little to no place for DIVINE in american party politics, nor in america at all. trust me, i have looked.

and you have to understand that i am NOT, in any mindframe, looking at this as MCCAIN "people" are wrong and OBAMA "people" are right.

you have to've witnessed my mental anguish enough to know that i am not like THAT or saying THAT.

not even in my beloved Green Party (have you read the platform yet?) is perfection to be found, or even DIVINE (but golly lots more of it, in my opinion)...

But ALL AROUND is secularist flotsom and jetsom. on BOTH sides. but my goddess, the things and ignorance and fear and hatred and stupidity and intolerence and all-out shittiness that i hear from ONE PARTICULAR SIDE about its fellow HUMANS, not about the ECONOMY or TAXES or even LAWS or things that the GOVERNMENT is supposed to preside over EXECUTIVELY....

but about BLACK HUMANS
and SOCIALIST HUMANS
and MUSLIM HUMANS
and KENYAN HUMANS
and BIRACIAL HUMANS
and NON-EVANGELICAL HUMANS
and COMMUNIST HUMANS
and PLUMBERS
and MEXICAN HUMANS
and FELLOW AMERICAN HUMANS
and IRAQI HUMANS
and FEMALE HUMANS
and "LIBERAL" HUMANS
and PENNSYLVANIAN HUMANS
and RURAL HUMANS
and HUMANS WHO MAKE LESS THAN 250,000 DOLLARS PER YEAR
and HUMANS WHO MAKE MORE THAN 250,000 DOLLARS PER YEAR
and HUMANS WHO ARE RAPED BY THEIR FAMILY MEMBERS
and HUMANS WHO BELIEVE THAT THEY OWN THEIR OWN UTERUSES
and HUMANS WHO ARE ELITIST
and RED STATE HUMANS
and HUMANS WHO ARE WORTH LITTLE MORE THAN POLL NUMBERS

and on and on and on and on....

THAT is very very UNDIVINE, isn't it?

Saturday, October 18, 2008

arise

Arise, then, women of this day! Arise all women who have hearts,
whether our baptism be that of water or of fears!

Say firmly: "We will not have great questions decided by
irrelevant agencies. Our husbands shall not come to us, reeking
with carnage, for caresses and applause. Our sons shall not be
taken from us to unlearn all that we have been able to teach
them of charity, mercy and patience.

We women of one country will be too tender of those of another
country to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs. From
the bosom of the devastated earth a voice goes up with our own.
It says "Disarm, Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance
of justice."

Blood does not wipe our dishonor nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plow and the anvil at the summons
of war, let women now leave all that may be left of home for a
great and earnest day of counsel. Let them meet first, as women,
to bewail and commemorate the dead.

Let them then solemnly take counsel with each other as to the
means whereby the great human family can live in peace, each
bearing after their own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar,
but of God.

In the name of womanhood and of humanity, I earnestly ask that a
general congress of women without limit of nationality may be
appointed and held at some place deemed most convenient and at
the earliest period consistent with its objects, to promote the
alliance of the different nationalities, the amicable settlement
of international questions, the great and general interests of
peace.



***julia ward howe

frugalmama tip 1: cheapass playhouse

MAMAS:

i recommend getting a 9.99 Rubbermaid brand "closet"...ours is for bastians clothes, but try telling that to river.

if it really WERE his playhouse i could NEVER get him out of it.

it has a polymer navy cover with a zipper.

cheapness and GOODNESS...

thought for the minute

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ?

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

dear twelve year old steffani

Dear Twelve Year Old Steffani...

yes, you! you in your powder blue bedroom with your oversized knockoff swatch watch wall clock and your white, pink, and seagreen boom box with pursestraps that incessantly plays R.E.M and other things none of the other kids have heard about...

you of the classical music and the miami university public access radio and the secret delusions of grandeur.

you of the sea breeze and sassy magazine....

someday when you are thirty two years old you will assist a physicist at oxford in england write the last sentence of his doctoral thesis. he will ask YOU if it is grammatically correct.

you will have regular communication with a lawyer four years your senior who absolutely and positively tells you that you are the most intriguing woman he has ever met.

You will have traveled this nation from one coast to the other to the other to the other and you will have driven most, if not all of the way.

one night in omaha nebraska you will be pursued by the lead singer of a rock and roll band who will steal pages from your notebook and write songs based on your poetry.

So much is going to happen to you in the next twenty years! It is almost a pity that so far all of this has had to do with MEN, for the most part. But you are sitting there wondering if you will ever find ANY one to ever love you or respect you or care about you at all...Girl, are you in for it!

Twenty years from now you will have been married, divorced, widowed, and remarried and you will be the mother of three gorgeous children.

You were right about the jesus stuff AND about the bush stuff. Good girl!

well, i have to go for now...two of those gorgeous children of Ours NEED us...umm...you! me!

:)

i won't tell you what they look like or even if they are boys or girls or such things as that! have fun dreaming up names!

if i told you that you are beautiful it could screw up the crooked, gorgeous path it will take you to get here...so i won't.

you'll figure that out, in the by and by.

All my love,

Thirty Two Year Old Steffani

ps

you live to see the end of the white patriarchy! but don't tell anyone! just keep that silent little grin to yourself!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

dire! terrible! dreadful! horrible! sickening! putrid! emergency!

i have felt like this since the week after john kennedy jr died in 1999 when i heard speculation that gbII would be considering a steering committee to run for the presidency in 2000.

now i get to watch his sick, evil ass telling us ALL how dire! terrible! dreadful! horrible! scary! sickening! putrid! emergency! condition the treasury is in?!

what a crock of shit.

other people haven't, and as my mother tries to console me, never will, take/n it this difficultly. been in this much turmoil over POLITICS. but what i cannot seem to explain to my mother (or anyone else, i imagine) is that i can SEE the macrocosm in the microcosm.

and that it both pressures and alleviates my internal natural DEPRESSION to watch and read and learn and think and CARE so much...

i see the microcosmic "gubment" as a macrocosmic whole of those of us who have left the greater EVIL unchecked in our greed and one-up-manship-consumerism and our media fed minds and hearts...

and our IGNORANCE...god bless our ignorance (if you are into that god blessing type thing)...

fed to us for generations have been NOTHINGNESSES....and now we are nothings... (or so the EVIL would have us believe)

we are all, each of us, nuclear powerhouses inside our own minds and souls ...who have been reduced to thinfleshed, big fatted, nothingheads.

self included.

i have been handed down chemical depression on top of it all. i have suffered, maybe not MORE than you, but a dire! terrible! dreadful! horrible! sickening! putrid! emergency! LOT...

and now i watch the evil glimpsing comeupance on themselves (i hope!) and i wish and i sit and meditate that the little nuclear shack that sits on my shoulders can cook up enough ENERGY to push them toward THEIR doom and the GOOD of us to our promiseland...

and i KNOW i am not ALONE. but i also know that OTHERS have not quite put the two strings together to tie the knot of certainty. that there are some who still disbelieve themselves because the EVIL force has convinced them that they are worthless. that they need someone to tell them that they are worthy..

MY FRIENDS, you are priceless jewels in my eyes. EVERY SOUL ON EARTH who is working for good...who is living for TRUTH, carries a nuclear birthday candle inside. you know yours, right?!!! you KNOW your goodness and YOUR truth...right???

don't forget! do not let it be washed away by television and lust and codependence and selfabuse and chemical anomalies in your brains! :)

i am just writing the golden rule here. i am doing to you what i wish would be done to me. i am sitting here for x number of minutes and reminding us all to REMEMBER! to THINK! and to CARE! and to be POSITIVE! and to find your HAPPY FOR NO REASON place and go there :)

and wait for the rest of us all... and be in that place reaching out and REMINDING others...

for there is no such thing as EVIL

and there is no such thing as MONEY

and there is no such thing as CONTROL

and there is no such thing as POLITICS

and there is no such thing as ATTACHMENT

and there is no such thing as SECURITY

TERROR is a state of mind that EVIL is selling, at the moment, for some supposed 700 BILLION DOLLARS that does not exist, will never exist, and has never existed.

are you buying? seriously?

are you resisting the impulse buy?

you really don't need another 700 BILLION DOLLARS of debt-air-vapor do you?

but it looks so good sitting there on the shelf by the cash register (election?! ha!)??

please see it for what it is and call your senator...i dare you! it feels like prank calling when you were in school...

or see it for what it is and go out in nature and BREATHE and COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS...

or see it for what it is and lay down and cuddle with someone you love....(preferably your partner or children or pet or something but i am no one to judge haha!)

or see it for what it is and KNOW that EVIL will ALWAYS be Discovered, Judged and Rot...

believe that (i am not black but buhlee dat would be how it is pronounced if it were typed as i thought it ;) )....

and that the good little birthday candle in your heart and soul and mind (and solar plexus and third eye, my faves) is one of all the atomic birthday candles in all eternity....and that that is a wonderful thing!

don't forget!

happy depression!

whoops i mean... be all dire! terrible! dreadful! horrible! sickening! putrid! emergency! because television told you so...

and john mccain told you so...

and bush told you so...

and cnn told you so...

(anyone who tells you to feel all dire! terrible! dreadful! horrible! sickening! putrid! emergency! *TERROR in any form included* is EVIL and you are GOOD...i know, it takes some getting used to and orienteering, but if i can figure this out and 13 days out of the month live in a fog like a putrid quicksand then YOU can get THERE)

happy depression! (FINALLY something i can dig and understand about POLITICS hahahaha!)

love,

steffani (the magnificent)

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

steffani's OLD skool poem of the day!!!! *Penelope*

just found these again whilst digging through my BOOKS to put them on their SHELVES (imagine how wicked awesome this is after 15 years of wandering...just try to imagine!) and thought it could be FUNNY to post them on my blogs... just for OLD times' (desperate intellectual exhibitionalist's) sake...

bon appetite!



Penelope

She always says bless you to sneezes

She whirls constantly out of control

Headlong into Hindsight

Hurt

She cries tears of maddening anger and bliss

stagnant in mind and body and soul

But always chasing after the Sunshine

Unrequited

She's had years and years of practice

read millions of words and phrases

said more in her life than most others

Unknowing

She feels like she did as a six year old girl

Like she's living what she's gonna be when she grows up

Only now she can't stop writing it down

Unleashed

She only desires love and dreams of fame and silence

Understands Evil and Freedom and Intelligence

Potential beats in her head like a drum

Pounding

There may be hope for her later

She's way too wrapped up in the Now

Herself, her old Lovers, and Others

See if you're not touched by It

Anyhow....

*written january 23 1997

aged 20 years old

Monday, August 18, 2008

my old myspace quote (so's i have it)

"Boldness has genius power and magic in it. Until one is committed, there is hesitancy; the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness: The moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. A whole stream of events issue from the decision"

Friday, August 15, 2008

big pink posterboard saga of 2008

on the morning of mothers day 2008 i had one of my famous "nervous breakdowns".... (yay)

later on that day, i went on a 6 hour trek to target with sebastian. my "present" from jonathan was that he would watch the babies while i went to target (which at that time i didnt know how to find and it ended up taking 2 hours to drive there haha) because his mother had sent me a ($25)target gift card for my birthday a couple days prior.

i wandered around target for a while and during so bastian finagled me out of $4, so i had $21 left in my target card i had driven 2 hours to spend.

i decided that the only thing that would make it even half way worth it is if i bought SOMETHING i have NEVER bought before...no toiletries or cleaning supplies or duplicate pajamas or crap from the dollar bins...

so i ended up buying a CREATE YOUR OWN FAIRY TALE book kit. i figured it would maybe cross that "learn how to play even though you are a grown up" thing off the list. (and especially since i never "learned how to play when i wasn't a grown up)

whimsy, man, dig it...

anyhoosies...i had a few bucks left and was NOT going to go back to target anytime soon. so i bought three big pieces of hot pink posterboard (and a neon green one for bastian) in order to somehow MAP OUT MY LIFE on them so i would have a HUGE, HOT PINK DISPLAY OF WHAT WOULD BEGIN TO MAKE ME HAPPY OR MAKE ME FEEL AT ALL IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE (ha!)

now, we all know that i am a granolawoohoo type girl who OF COURSE has read every SELFHELP book in the world and has of COURSE heard and read and even seen in her own life, stories of people who have written to-do lists (both miraculously grand and also small) and lost them and then found them later and they had DONE EVERYTHING ON THE LIST without remembering that they had made the list...

so...at that time, may*, i was still shopping at walmart. i was still smoking and drinking soda. i was living in a house that did not feel like home at all. (and on and on and on)

*things have changed since then!

i sat down the next morning and had ANOTHER (famous) nervous breakdown because i couldnt seem to MAP OUT MY LIFE ON PINK POSTERBOARD, like i had planned.

(HOW WAS I GOING TO CONTROL MY LIFE IF I COULDN'T CONTROL MAKING LISTS?!?!?!?!)

this posterboard got rolled up and taped (by jonathan at some point, its his tape not mine) and put in the spare room which was the JUNK ROOM (the robins egg blue parlor) and we found it day before yesterday when we moved things in order to get the new carpet....(do you know that feelings behind my whole CARPET THING?!?! DO YOU??!!!)

anyhoosies...here it is, folks...the pink posterboarded masterpiece entitled:

THINGS I WOULD NEED TO EVEN START

(start what??!! dear god, steff! what is the what?!?!)

*denotes things that have either been acquired or accomplished thus far (THREE MONTHS= 90 DAYS) later....

enjoy! (its better and kookier and more psychotic on posterboard but you should get the point)

FRONT PARLOR

*Organized

Furniture bought

*Floor re-done or recovered

New Front door

(2 out of 4)

LIVING ROOM

*Painted

*Floor Redone

*Computer Desk

*Organized



KITCHEN

Painted

*Cabinets Cleaned

*Organized

Cloth Cover for Side Without Door Under Sink

*Kitchen Chairs

(3 out of 6)

BACK ROOM

Organized

*Bins, etc

Floor Covered

*Dryer

(2 out of 4)



BASTIAN'S ROOM

*Bed (exactly the one he wanted)

*Entertainment Center

*Organized

A/C electrical

(3 out of 4)

OUTSIDE

*Lawn Mower

*Weed Wacker

*Jonathan committed to yard work

(3 outta 3...+ i am composting and we have a beautiful fire pit)

CAR

*Insurance

*Ohio Liscence (voter registration)

Paid off (5 more payments!)

New Plates (expire 2-09 haha)

*Maintainance (oil change, etc)

(3 out of 5)

MISCELLANEOUS STEFFANI BUSINESS:

*Stick with current bill budget

*Find New place to buy formula

*Start Making Bellas Baby Food

*Find New Way About Diapering (partially cloth bella AND found biodegradable disposables)

*Start Recycling

Vaccuum

Wall Fixed On Stairs

Window Replaced in Bedroom

Space Heaters

Hunker Down for Winter Before Its TOO late

*Find Hypnotist to quit smoking (didnt need one)

*Find Hypnotist to quit soda (didnt need one)

*get a way to drink water (we are now an 8 gal water/week family)

so...there it is folks. there is so much more blessingwise...but thats the rundown straight from the pink posterboard idea of the centrury.

Monday, August 11, 2008

lost angeloss

i went to l.a. once...i finagled my way there with bobbys grandparents...

it kinda ruins the whole movie business for me...just having been there a bit.

i am GRATEFUL i got to go there, really i am, in that lifetime ago when i was married to bobby and i was young, (and god was i fat...i probably weigh the same thing as i sit here), and bastian was three years old.

you have to wait at disneyland in this weird line to meet "mickey mouse"....

anyhoosies...

thats kinda how i feel about my DEPRESSION today...

that its all disneyland and greasepaint and smoke and mirrors and i am just a tourist.

(and no one cares to visit anymore...and why should they, the chamber of commerce is sleeping on the job...)

hollywood blvd where all the stars are is all sexxx shops! (for transvestites, etc)

i went on the week prior to the oscars. i saw bruce vilanch from across the street. i have been "intimate" with a rockstar...i have been closer to fame before...

bobby gave me a little fake oscar statuette thingie from a gift shop. it said BEST WIFE. i wonder where that thing is now....

we went on a "date" to hollywood (we had been staying in west covina, for those in the KNOW) and when we were driving back on the 101 we heard that sublime song about the riots...it was kinda too fairy tale good to be true, but it really happened...

the first thing you see on sunset boulevard is Home Depot...no shit...

but if you keep driving you pass the viper room, which i made bobby do...and you see where river phoenix died...(THATS a time warp)

now bobby is gone too..

i have this other life...

and the DEPRESSION stalks me like a walking vulture...

i fight, don't we all know i fight it hard?

i can't imagine how boring life would be if i had been to europe and africa and iraq and all the other places in the world...i know how there are the same stores at the same exits all over THIS country.

Home Depot, no shit...

and the lebrea tarpits are in the middle of town. right on the street.

beverly hills is weird. seriously. weird.

when you are in LA it feels like you are going to fall into the fucking ocean at any second. it is the end of the universe. and you can FEEL how california just kinda ripped off the edge of asia...you can tell it is supposed to be in asia, or that it is VERY much like asia would be like.

the rain is just saltwater. salt water falls from the sky. the rain is aqua.

i gave my hostess a bar of soap from Universal Studios that had the Bates Motel on it.

you have to HURRY to take a shower because you KNOW there are MILLIONS of people who want to take a shower too...BILLIONS...

don't get lost in ThaiTown...

but the best/worst part of going to LA...

oh, i forgot the part about how when you drive around (neighborhoods, mind you) you wonder which house is ben afflecks... oh, maybe that was just me... you KNOW one of them is his house though. you KNOW you are in his town. and EVERYONE ELSE famous and stuff... that is oddly stalky and comforting at the same time.

AND i forgot that the NICKELODEON (sP) animation studios look like a carpet store or something, they just have (had) the rugrats painted on it or you wouldnt know....

the santa monica pier is a bunch of flyover airplanes with messages on them...

and it is EVERYTHING that has ever been said, written or sang about and soooo sooo sooo much more....

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Saturday, July 19, 2008

what i would say if i saw shad wion

if i saw shad wion right now i would tell him about how i was driving on high street in covington today and i saw a yard sale and they were selling the psychadelic 7UP signs from the SHANGRI-LA...

he would like that story...and i think that once i told it everything would be okay and the last 15 years would disappear *poof*

i never think of him...maybe twice a year...on his birthday and some other day or something (or anytime i see patches)...

this was one and it was nice.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

testicular dorkitude

so on monday night, sebastian and i went to the iga store uptown for potatoes...on the way out we got more than we bargained for!

we saw a pickup truck...for instance, say it was a dodge pickup truck....

hanging from the trailer hitch thingie was a set of uhhh...plastic testicles of some sort...

bastian was the first to see them. he said "why would someone put balloons on this pickup?"

i looked closer. i said "i think its something else"

at which point he said " are they nuts?!"

i said "yeah i think they are."


i swear to you, i have ALWAYS prided myself on my intelligence and worldly wisdom and i had NEVER seen this before.

bastian said "are kids supposed to see that?!" (he was absolutely flabbergasted, as was i, really)

i said "i guess so, because you just did"

then he said "why would they do that?"

i said "i dunno...why don't you go back to the grocery and ask everyone if it is their truck and if they are supposed to show it to children and why they are doing it?"

he laughed. so did i.

in relating this story to my best friend, marci...i said "are the testicles on the pickup trucks new or have they always had them and i am naive?!"

she said "i would say that they have had them for at least 20 years, but that is as long as i can remember."

gross.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

pumpkin eaters

Photobucket

i call minivans (and the ladies who drive them) "pumpkin eaters" because they remind me of the nursery rhyme of peter peter pumpkin eater who locked his wife in a pumpkin.

i have RESISTED the whole minivan thing...VERY VERY VERY STRONGLY because it is so antithetical to my own internal wanna-feminism.

but those days are kinda coming to an end because we have FIVE people in our Lumina now...and two of the ones in the backseat are in carseats and the other one in the backseat is constantly miserable.

at this rate, we will never take anyone else along, no friends, no nuthin... and its just very uncomfortable now...

so my mind has always wandered to an econoline van with a pop out back seat and a pop in bed thingie to cart the kids around in and also travel or spend the nights out somewhere on date night...

then my husband could put his failed art school career to good use and paint the outside all psychodelic and cool...

that's as close to the "van thing" as i would ever allow myself to wander...

and besides, they are FUCKING EXPENSIVE....

my best friend has one that will cost (just off the lot, no improvement, maintenance, five dollar a gallon gas, or insurance) TWENTYEIGHT THOUSAND DOLLARS...

in my opinion, it may as well be TWENTY EIGHT MILLION and JUST THAT STUPID...

i cannot imagine spending that much on an item...transportation or not...

but something has to be done...

so this morning when i was dropping bastian off at his "ecosplorers" summer program at the local nature preserve...(bibleschool for the pagany set hahaha) my mind wandered to these ladies (these "pumpkineaters") in their poop brown and shitstorm grey minivans and my pity turned to trying to think of a solution...if not for THEM, because i guess they don't have a problem... than for me...

how could I, in a good steffeminist way, resolve to ever owning the minivan that i so desperately need...and the ANSWER was quick to come to me...

why dont they paint them GIRLY colors?!!!!

these women, these pumpkin eaters are in DRAB PUMPKINS...as if the humiliation weren't enough to their girly, notsexyanymorebecauseihavekidsandiamgettingolder psyches!!!!!!!

pink! like my toenail polish!

glossy hot colors!!!

TEAL, if you insist!

but SOMETHING prettier and GIRLIER and SEXIER and more BEAUTIFUL....

a pretty pumpkin rather than an industrial, institutional, jailcell colored minivan! YUCKKKKY!

so i may be pricing minivans and i MAY be looking to get a pink one...somehow...probably will buy a beater one and go to maaco...but how gorgeous would that be??!!!

i would start a movement, i know it....

i feel now, that there are millions of women who NEED me to start this....

(i fluctuate between gutter self esteem and delusions of grandeur, i know this)

just think, why aren't women doing prettier things than what they are settling for? why aren't i?

Monday, July 14, 2008

the ten keys

these are the ten key values of the GREEN PARTY of the united states...
what do YOU think?!

i find it delicious and utopian and gorgeous beautiful lovelystuff...

*************************************************************************************

Ten Key Values of the Green Party

Originally ratified at the Green Party Convention in Denver, CO, June 2000.

1. GRASSROOTS DEMOCRACY
Every human being deserves a say in the decisions that affect their lives and not be subject to the will of another. Therefore, we will work to increase public participation at every level of government and to ensure that our public representatives are fully accountable to the people who elect them. We will also work to create new types of political organizations which expand the process of participatory democracy by directly including citizens in the decision-making process.

2. SOCIAL JUSTICE AND EQUAL OPPORTUNITY
All persons should have the rights and opportunity to benefit equally from the resources afforded us by society and the environment. We must consciously confront in ourselves, our organizations, and society at large, barriers such as racism and class oppression, sexism and homophobia, ageism and disability, which act to deny fair treatment and equal justice under the law.

3. ECOLOGICAL WISDOM
Human societies must operate with the understanding that we are part of nature, not separate from nature. We must maintain an ecological balance and live within the ecological and resource limits of our communities and our planet. We support a sustainable society which utilizes resources in such a way that future generations will benefit and not suffer from the practices of our generation. To this end we must practice agriculture which replenishes the soil; move to an energy efficient economy; and live in ways that respect the integrity of natural systems.

4. NON-VIOLENCE
It is essential that we develop effective alternatives to society’s current patterns of violence. We will work to demilitarize, and eliminate weapons of mass destruction, without being naive about the intentions of other governments. We recognize the need for self-defense and the defense of others who are in helpless situations. We promote non-violent methods to oppose practices and policies with which we disagree, and will guide our actions toward lasting personal, community and global peace.

5. DECENTRALIZATION
Centralization of wealth and power contributes to social and economic injustice, environmental destruction, and militarization. Therefore, we support a restructuring of social, political and economic institutions away from a system which is controlled by and mostly benefits the powerful few, to a democratic, less bureaucratic system. Decision-making should, as much as possible, remain at the individual and local level, while assuring that civil rights are protected for all citizens.

6. COMMUNITY-BASED ECONOMICS AND ECONOMIC JUSTICE
We recognize it is essential to create a vibrant and sustainable economic system, one that can create jobs and provide a decent standard of living for all people while maintaining a healthy ecological balance. A successful economic system will offer meaningful work with dignity, while paying a “living wage” which reflects the real value of a person’s work.

Local communities must look to economic development that assures protection of the environment and workers’ rights; broad citizen participation in planning; and enhancement of our “quality of life.” We support independently owned and operated companies which are socially responsible, as well as co-operatives and public enterprises that distribute resources and control to more people through democratic participation.

7. FEMINISM AND GENDER EQUITY
We have inherited a social system based on male domination of politics and economics. We call for the replacement of the cultural ethics of domination and control with more cooperative ways of interacting that respect differences of opinion and gender. Human values such as equity between the sexes, interpersonal responsibility, and honesty must be developed with moral conscience. We should remember that the process that determines our decisions and actions is just as important as achieving the outcome we want.

8. RESPECT FOR DIVERSITY
We believe it is important to value cultural, ethnic, racial, sexual, religious and spiritual diversity, and to promote the development of respectful relationships across these lines.

We believe that the many diverse elements of society should be reflected in our organizations and decision-making bodies, and we support the leadership of people who have been traditionally closed out of leadership roles. We acknowledge and encourage respect for other life forms than our own and the preservation of biodiversity.

9. PERSONAL AND GLOBAL RESPONSIBILITY
We encourage individuals to act to improve their personal well-being and, at the same time, to enhance ecological balance and social harmony. We seek to join with people and organizations around the world to foster peace, economic justice, and the health of the planet.

10. FUTURE FOCUS AND SUSTAINABILITY
Our actions and policies should be motivated by long-term goals. We seek to protect valuable natural resources, safely disposing of or “unmaking” all waste we create, while developing a sustainable economics that does not depend on continual expansion for survival. We must counterbalance the drive for short-term profits by assuring that economic development, new technologies, and fiscal policies are responsible to future generations who will inherit the results of our actions.

Ten Key Values from other state and local Greens.
There is no authoritative version of the Ten Key Values of the Greens. The Ten Key Values are guiding principles that are adapted and defined to fit each state and local chapter.

if

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a (wo)man my (daughter) son!

--Rudyard Kipling

Thursday, July 10, 2008

kinda proud to be from ohio

just moved back and all, as we all know...but between kucincich and now this tim ryan guy that i am discovering...we are by far the gutsiest state i have seen in washington so far...

good side note, all three of my childrens' fathers (and there are two not three) were born in texas, home of dr. ron paul....

makes us a pretty gutsy, patriotic crowd, i would say.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

mario savio

beautiful sacred words...





"There is a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at heart, that you can't take part; you can't even passively take part, and you've got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels, upon the levers, upon all the apparatus, and you've got to make it stop. And you've got to indicate to the people who run it, to the people who own it, that unless you're free, the machine will be prevented from working at all!"

Thursday, July 3, 2008

my horoscope for the day (i wish i was kidding, this is the yahoo horoscope)

July 03, 2008

Taurus (4/20-5/20)

A friend who is not nearly as intuitive as you are will insist they are on to some type of conspiracy theory, but you're not so sure. Before you burst their bubble, find out how much research they've done to support their theory. If they are so positive of their guesstimate that they are willing to bet money on it, that's when you step in to be the voice of reason. Help them see things more conservatively. But if you fail to change their mind, don't feel guilty about it.

i cannot hold an outside job

because i go insane and cry...

and yet i give myself ZERO credit for being able and STRONG enough to stay home with these children 24/7/365...

why is that...

tonight i am going mad...just starkraving nuts inside...i want it to be BEDTIME so bad and it is 5:20 pm

i love the kids...i even like the house and i LOVE my beautiful things in it to make this a good life...

on paper everything is ok....

but i have been existing in a malaise that i have wanted to chock up the my old divorce, my new relationship's rocky start, pregnancy, grief that has been ENTIRELY unexpressed about my first husband's death, another pregnancy, a cross country move, poverty, low self esteem, hatred of doing dishes, one son being almost a pre-teen, the other one being TWO WITH A VENGENCE, a new (teething, diaperrash this week) baby, hormones of pregnancy & postpregnancy & new birthcontrol, the sun, the moon, the wind, the rain, the hot, the cold, the government, the internet addiction, the economy, the lack of a positive attitude, the bonetiredness that comes from not sleeping for a couple years, breastfeeding, infidelity, the sugar ants, the carpet being unsafe for human life, the stopping smoking and caffeine, lots and lots and lots of stuff...

but the truth is, i have only myself and my (computer addiction) *ahem* my lack of a postivive attitude, to blame...

i know that all good things will become possible when i BELIEVE that they are good and when i DO THE WORK to IMPROVE my life...

i have just NOT DONE THAT FOR A LONG LONG TIME...

i would LOVE to say i am rusty...

but i am downright atrophied....

what will fix this?

when will i start?

yeah...so thats my pms blog of the day...

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

a post on the "more info" section of a youtube vid...i liked it i stole it...

We need people to stand by us so that we can truly change this world, The world is in our hands...
Turn of the TV and spend time with your children or family, Enjoy the beauty of nature, Then prepare for war, its comming wither we like it or not...
good against evil is here now...

I am on the side of Light,The side of balance and greatness
I have givin up everything to fight for a better world, I realized cars and jewelery and money are pointless, Love is far more a greater reward then any sports car I have drove or any worthless gold watch I could buy...
The only thing that fills me with joy anymore is seeing other people around me happy...
You will become more like me once you except whats real and whats fake, the truth is we been brain washed to think material things are most important forgetting about the spirit.

When was the last time you just sat down and breathed....just breathed...
Focus..meditate..Focus on changing this world, Plant a Tree, Thats giving life...
Help a poor man on the street, people who have nothing, we are lead to believe its there fault
NO! its not anyones fault its the systems fault, breaking us and our families.
Our own Government brings in the drugs not the man that is on the side of the street in pain...
Take strangers in under your wings, that are in need of help, dont drive past them as you see them walking.

The world has become so heartless, So cold and colorless everything is grey now,
The life of this planet is dying as is our morals...
Dont follow that path, never give in to them..Fight their plan for you for us..
Stand with me till the end we can fix this world we have the power, And only we can because we are awake, Our brothers and sisters are still asleep but they will awake soon...
until then its up to us to make a difference.
I hope to see you standing next to me when the time comes...

Sunday, June 29, 2008

sebastian just said...

"just say the iraq war ended in july sometime...pick a day"

and i said "july 21"

and he said "nah thats a little too late...say july 16th...george bush would still be president, right? just think of what other wars he would try to go into while he is still the president because he has time"

and i said "yeah, its called iran...they are going to drop bombs on iran"

and sebastian said "or maybe he will go against china or something stupid like that!"

How much are YOU educating the children who are OUR FUTURE about the WORLD that they LIVE in?

Saturday, June 28, 2008

alaina's paper about me...

this is a paper that my neice alaina typed about me for college!

the assignment was "Write a paper about someone who is older than you, and who is doing something interesting, different, and important"

i am sooooooooooooo proud of HER for going to college and i am soooooooo proud of ME that i am an inspiration.....

thank you lani and thank YOU for reading it....


Alaina Jennings

Prof. Bollenbacher

English 121-001

June 30, 2008










You're Doing What?!?

"We have a secret in our society. It's not that birth is painful, but that women are strong." This quote comes from one of the many women now opting to choose home-births over hospitalized births. Since the beginning of time, women have delivered babies without the use of pain reducing medications, so why in the 21st century, as we women fight to prove that we are as strong as men, do we let others convince us that we are not strong enough to bear our children?

Steffani Crummett grew up in Versailles, Ohio, third of five children. More than ten years younger than her oldest siblings, and just two years older than her youngest siblings (a set of twins), she developed her own unique sense of self and unconventional way of thinking. Many would describe Steffani as very spiritual and artistic. She goes against what society considers normal, and is happy with her life and the choices she has made.

At the age of 20, Steffani left the farmlands of Ohio for the vast mountains of Colorado, where she met and married Robert "Bobby" Williams and settled in Eaton, Colorado. Together they had one son, Sebastian, born January 8, 1999. He was born at Upper Colorado Medical Center in the nearby city of Greeley. Nearly two weeks over-due Steffani chose to have an induced labor, because she was fearful for the safety and well-being of her child.

The birth story of her eldest child is one Steffani refers to often when asked about her choice to birth her youngest two children, River two, and BellaLuna seven months, at home. She recounts to me the feeling of having lost control over herself and her child, after being admitted to the hospital. After receiving various labor inducing drugs and pain medications, she had seated herself in a rocking chair, in an attempt at finding a comfortable position to sit, while she waited until it was to begin pushing her son out into the world.

When a nurse came in asking her to move back to her bed so the progress of her labor could be checked, she complied. Seconds later the alarm attached to the fetal heart beat monitor began to sound. She was thrown on to her bed as nurses and doctors immediately began prepping her for an emergency Cesarean-Section. Amidst all the commotion Steffani tried to explain that the monitor had simply slipped from position and this was the reason for the alarms.

Nurses were putting an oxygen mask on her face, while shoving papers into her hands to be signed giving the hospital permission to go ahead with the procedure. After repeated attempts she finally got through to the hospital staff that she and her baby were fine, and a C-Section was not needed. "Even when I was otherwise ignorant about birth, I knew my body and what was best for my baby's welfare." She says, pointing out that with all the education doctor's have received, they will never know your body better than you do. After the monitor was put back into place, everything progressed normally, and after 21 hours of labor she welcomed her son into the world.

Shortly after having her son, Steffani met and became close friends with a woman named Marci, who raised her awareness about home-birthing. Steffani knew that she was not going to go back to any hospital to have a child.

Nearly eight years later Steffani had divorced Bobby, and remarried Jonathan Crummett. When they learned they were pregnant, Steffani knew that she would have a home-birth. With the support of her close friend Marci, Steffani stuck by her choice, and gave birth to a healthy baby boy, on May 17, 2006. This is a birthing story she also refers to often, to compare the differences between home-birthing and hospitalized birthing.

While her eight year old son was staying with his father, Steffani went into labor in the comfort of her home, supported by those who had a vested interest in her and her child's well-being. After eight hours of labor, no pain medication, and no labor management techniques, Steffani describes this labor as far better than her first. The bond between her and her husband grew stronger as he coached and coaxed her through her labor contractions, and the birthing of their son, even though as Steffani tells me "Jonathan had never even held a baby, until he helped deliver his own child."

At the arrival of her son Steffani was able to lay in the comfort of her own home, holding her newborn son, without anyone trying to take him away to be weighed or bathed, or any of the various other things doctors deem necessary to do to new-born children.

With her third child, and second home-birth, Steffani gave birth to a baby girl, who was born breech. Many women have heard the horror stories of babies being born breech, and the complications it can cause. Steffani tells me it's not quite as complicated as we have been led to believe. Her daughter came into this world feet first and arms up. As Steffani pushed her out into the world, her husband Jonathan, held the babies feet tight, and together they brought her into this world, safe and healthy.

When speaking with Steffani, you can see the animation in her face describing how she felt during each of her children's birthing. Her eyes brighten with anger and fear at what might have been had she not repeatedly spoke out during the birthing of her eldest child. When she speaks of the birth of her youngest two children she is far more calm, relaxed and comfortable.

Steffani describes this home-birthing as the most self-empowering thing she has ever or will ever accomplish in her life. "If you don't need a doctor to put the baby in, why do you need a doctor to get the baby out?" she asks me, expressing her opinion that it is a natural process to create a child, and therefore it also should be a natural process to give birth. The first moments of her child's life are far clearer to her because of the lack of mind-altering drugs. As a recovering drug and alcohol addict Steffani says to me "I don't use drugs socially, so why would I allow myself a high dosage of drugs while I'm pregnant?" After learning her story it is hard to imagine why any woman would give up the comfort of her own home, only to have her life taken over by a stranger, who decides what is best for her, during the single most important moments of her life.

Steffani often has referred to herself as having been ignorant about hospitalized-birthing. She believes women should be taught about the benefits and risks of home-birthing, and allowed to make their own personal choices. However for first time parents she would recommend having a midwife in attendance in case of an emergency situation. It is her hope that by sharing her story, more women will become aware of the choices we have, and can move from ignorance to enlightenment.

midsummer full

full blue moon & tree

i am full of thoughts, in a good way.
my house is about to become a home.
all thoughts will lead to good things given time, nourishment, and energy.
and a tangible chance!

i opened my last pack of cigarettes today.
my loyalty to the camel cigarette company is much stronger than their loyalty to me...they changed the blend.
why would i even dare to start some other brand and choicedly enslave myself for thirteen more years?!
my babies will be teenagers by then...bastian will own this house by then.
if i were to live to see it!

oh mindless mindfullness! the story of my life...

piles of beautifully illustrated childrens books that i may or may not get around to showingto, reading with, or sharing with my children...

boxes of board games, decks of cards, and i don't know how to play!

my house is such a sanctuary for insects that it is like my broompile comes microscopically alive, when i get a notion to sweep...

but i have a diaper pail now, and strawberries in my fridge...loaves of bread waiting for my hands to bake them...

can you see it? can you see my robin's egg blue summer parlor with ceiling fan and five 5shelf book shelves?! i can...

can you see me spraypainting bricks white for bastian and i to paint different colors to lay around our SUNFLOWER GARDEN, just as soon as i paint them and pick up the compost mulch i laid to create the dirt underneath? i can....

i can see multitudinous possibilities where there is usually ennui and mundane...they wait for me...even under piles of nonsense and lack mentality and selfimposed drama, they wait patient as waves lapping the shoreline...

for me to come back to them... they wait...and under the dark earth of possibility i remember them...

and they sprout!

flobots

i followed these guys across the country from denver...
when they reached it here (and on youtube various places) i knew there were more of US than there are of THEM....

i think too much

(originally posted may 25, 2008)

i asked my mother WHEN i became so analytical.

thinking that maybe if some life TRAUMA or EXPERIENCE or AGE or developmental milestone triggered my nonstopswirling thought process i could narrow that down and figure out WHY i am like this and if i could figure out WHY i am so analytical and think soooooooooo much and cannot JUST ENJOY MYSELF i could learn HOW to stop THIS and learn something NEW.

my mother said "i would say you were always like this".

yay.

if i was born thinking too much and that is HOW I AM (and it has just become negative with age and exposure to people who don't THINK TOO MUCH) then i could change THINKING TOO MUCH like others could change their RACE or their GENDER or whatever it is THEY do or however much THEY think.

(i am always paperthin away from an emotional breakdown)

i have recently begun to observe my life (as it is now, not my past, for once) with the perspective that i very quite possibly have ADD, or some other lack of focus HABIT....i am studying this with the verve that i would put to studying blastocytes and lymphnomas if i were diagnosed with cancer.

because i have ALWAYS been like THIS.

i have ALWAYS thought TOO much.

when you were playing sports, or putting on makeup, or watching television, or getting trained for a career where you would make money, or having friends and doing fun things, or when you were planning executing and flourishing at life, I HAVE BEEN THINKING TOO MUCH.

and i cannot apologize for it. i cannot be sorry that i am so uptight.

it is who i am.

it is not fun.

it is rarely ever comfortable.

it isn't necessarily negative.

it is just realism to me.

i THINK TOO MUCH and love my children

i THINK TOO MUCH and have to pay bills just like all the other grownups

i THINK TOO MUCH and have never been on a date with my husband.

i THINK TOO MUCH and am a thirtytwo year old who has been married twice, divorced once (though i pretty much did the divorcing) widowed, and birthed three children (two of whom in the beautiful experience of unnattended home birth)

i THINK TOO MUCH and walked in on my dead father when i was 20 and have felt homeless eversince (until recently)

i THINK TOO MUCH and i had not the world's most stable childhood.

i THINK TOO MUCH and i have tried to avoid people as much as i can because they scare me, and i may have avoided people so long that i may never be able to be comfortable around them.

i THINK TOO MUCH and all i want is a GOOD LIFE for mySELF and my children.

i THINK TOO MUCH and i may never have that good life if i don't stop thinking too much.

until then, i just HAVE to make my own rules and avoid the mental institution (to the best of my ability)

but i know how to be happy

and i know how to be nice

and i know how to try to improve myself and my life.

i am an introvert in an extrovert world.

i am steffani and i THINK TOO MUCH.

and that is okay.

really.

don't worry.

i am good.

still very nine inch nails inside here...





She shines
In a world full of ugliness
She matters
When everything is meaningless

Fragile
She doesnt see her beauty
She tries to get away
Sometimes
Its just that nothing seems worth saving
I cant watch her slip away

I wont let you fall apart

She reads the minds of all the people as they pass her by
Hoping someone can see
If I could fix myself id-
But its too late for me

I wont let you fall apart

Well find the perfect place to go where we can run and hide
Ill build a wall and we can keep them on the other side
But they keep waiting
And picking

Its something I have to do
I was there, too
Before everything else
I was like you

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

my buddha quote for the day

A family is a place where minds come in contact with one another. If these minds love one another the home will be as beautiful as a flower garden. But if these minds get out of harmony with one another it is like a storm that plays havoc with the garden.

Monday, June 23, 2008

just a thought about grunge

just a thought about grunge
(originally posted june 20, 2008)

i always awaited the day when grunge would be like "lynard skynard". even when i was doing it. and now i was thinking that kurt cobain has been dead for 15 years! and that back in the day we were "trying" to look as "DIFFERENT" as we could (fueled by marijuana, cheap liquor and psychadelics) by wearing tshirts of strange things and old cartoon charecters and such (which have all been resurrected from the dead for our children's enjoyment and digitally ehanced...hello! waiting on the smurfs live action movie!!!!) ...now we are trying to make our MYSPACE pages look as "DIFFERENT" as we can.and the emo kids have filled in our place in the cavity of change. that (among billions of other reasons) is why we hate them. they are now fueled by marijuana, cheap liquor and psychadelics and LOOKING DIFFERENT and we are PARENTS...and those that aren't parents couldn't even DREAM of POSING like THAT...(could you??? anyone over 30 and emo reading this????? you should donate your brain to science....seriously)

anyhoo...to sum up...

eddie vedder is still hot.(and FORTY SOMETHING---damn near FIFTY)

there are HOT TOPIC stores and we bought our clothes at GOODWILL.

and

we are old but we used to look really really cool in sockcaps and flannel in the raging summer. we did. really.

imagine a woman in love with herself

(originally posted may 18, 2008)

imagine a woman in love with herself


imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is woman.

a woman who acknowledges the past's influence on the present.

a woman who has walked through her past

who has healed into the present.

imagine a woman in love with her own body.

a woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is.

who celebrates her body's rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.

imagine a woman who embraces her sexuality as her own.

a woman who delights in pleasing heself.

who experiences her erotic sensations without shame or guilt.

imagine a woman who honors the body of the goddess in her changing body.

a woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom.

who refuses to use her precious life-energy disguising the changes in her body and life.

imagine a woman who has access to the full range of human emotion.

a woman who expresses her feelings clearly and directly.

who allows them to pass through her as gracefully as a breath.

imagine a woman who tells the truth.

a woman who trusts her experience of the world and expresses it.

who refuses to defer to the thoughts, perceptions, and responses of others.

imagine a woman who follows her own creative impulses.

a woman who produces original creations.

who refuses to color inside someone else's lines.

imagine a woman who names her own gods.

a woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness.

who designs a personal spirituality to inform her daily life.

imagine a woman who refuses to surrendeder to gods, gurus, and higher powers.

a woman who has descended into her own inner life.

who asserts her will in harmony with its impulses and instincts.

imagine a woman who is interested in her own life.

a woman who embraces her life as teacher, healer, and challenge.

who is grateful for the ordinary moments of beauty and grace.

imagine a woman who authors her own life.

a woman who trusts her inner sense of what is right for her.

who refuses to twist her life out of shape to meet the expectations of others.

imagine a woman who participates in her own life.

a woman who meets each challenge with creativity.

who takes action on her own behalf with clarity and strength.

imagine a woman who has crafted a fully formed solitude.

a woman who is available to herself.

who chooses friends and lovers with the capacity to respect her solitude.

imagine a woman who refuses to diminish her life so others will feel better.

a woman who brings the fullness of her years, experience, and wisdom into each relationship.

who expects others to be challenged and blessed by her presence in their lives.

imagine a woman who assumes equality in her relationships.

a woman who no longer believes she is inferior to men and in need of their salvation.

who has taken her rightful place beside them in the human community.

imagine a woman who refuses to use her precious life-energy managing crisis and conflict.

a woman whose relationships deepen in satisfaction and contentment without depleting her.

who chooses friends and lovers with the necessary skills to navigate through the challenges of life.

imagine a woman who values the women in her life.

a woman who sits in circles of women.

who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.

imagine a woman who has relinquished the desire for intellectual safety and approval.

a woman who makes a powerful statement with every word she speaks, every action she takes.

who asserts her right to reorder the world.

imagine a woman who has grown in knowledge and love of herself.

a woman who has vowed faithfulness to her own life and capacities.

who remains loyal to herself.

regardless.

imagine yourself as this woman.

(or in love with this woman)

***by patricia reilly***

Thursday, June 19, 2008

sebastian walked around a few weeks ago humming "you're a grand old flag" and muttering about lord of the rings. everytime i turned around he was muttering about lord of the rings and humming you're a grand old flag. by the time i paid attention he had created this idea for this video and jonathan put it together with him on the computer. i am proud of him. it is neat.

we put it on youtube and within 24 hours he could google himself and then he felt FAMOUS over "something i made... i dont believe i am famous for something i made"

so i am putting it as my second clip of the day to share it.

mother's day musing

(originally posted may 12, 2008)

when i remember my frustration about my husband when he is in between jobs, it is then that i am amazed that i don't think about the feelings of frustration he must have that i am a stay at home mom.

then i feel guilty for a minute.

then i remember his absolute rocksolid core belief statement that one of the parents NEEDS to be home for the children and his admission that he is incapable of that...

then i feel ok for a long time...

persephone

(originally posted may 4, 2008)

Goddess Persephone epitomizes the maiden daughter archetype - eager to please and expectant, waiting for destiny to happen upon her and change her life, rather than actively seeking out her own design.

Her energy is passive and guileless - until she is abruptly taken hostage and violated.
When the mythic god of the Underworld erupts above ground, abducting the innocent Persephone, her psyche and perception are forever changed.

She is ripped from the security of her mother's embrace and dragged into the role of wife and Queen. From the green maiden of spring, to the mistress of the dark, Persephone becomes the Queen of the Dead.

Most of us can identify with the maiden Persephone. We all have a mother. We all have experienced innocence and dependency, and eventually we will all experience archetypal betrayal, held emotionally hostage by family, lover, illness, or community expectations. Jungian analyst Jean Shinoda Bolen identifies Persephone as one of the vulnerable Goddesses, defined primarily by her relationship to others. Persephone's psychological vulnerability is depression, triggered by boundary violation and abandonment. Ultimately, however, it is also the seed of her hidden strength.

In response to loss, powerlessness or abuse, many descend as Persephone into their own wintertime of shadows and depression, to a darkly lit journey of the soul, struggling with a profound sense of betrayal and lost innocence. Triggered by divorce, rape, or an invasion of boundaries by a toxic circumstance, the archetypal experience of Persephone's journey challenges us to go within our deepest Self, to re-evaluate, and grieve our losses. Depression is a natural response to soul wounding experiences, and if approached without judgment, much healthier than denial. Often the only way through – is down. This is the spiral way to wisdom. Into the dark and unknown.

Persephone's underworld journey acquaints her with death and suffering, and this, in turn, cultivates empathy and the gift of compassion (symbolized by her acceptance of the pomegranate seeds). When we engage our pain, and willingly face our fears, we may also, like Persephone, emerge in the spring, reborn from our night journey, richer in intuitive wisdom and insight.

The alchemical journey of Persephone is the journey we all eventually embark upon; often kicking and screaming in protest. We may not willingly enter our shadow selves, endure depression, or confront our fears and the meaning of death, yet such an exploration leads us to uncover our spiritual center. It challenges our beliefs and pushes us to deepen our awareness, to question our values, and to discover our innate connection to the divine. It leads us to soul. And soul leads us to magic. Magic happens when we align our true intention with the divine spark within. Ego and will may dictate our desires, but soul work beckons us to discover our authenticity. Magic happens when we open our hearts in compassion and allow the divine to gift us with insight, synchronicity, and grace.

When faced with loss, illness, or the death of a loved one, we may ask, "Why did this happen?" or "Why is this happening to me?" We may feel anger and outrage; and anger may linger, often underground. The absence of obvious anger may reveal its shadow is afoot. Depression is often anger turned inward. Acknowledging and working through our anger in an honest, healthy way; expressing it consciously through journal writing, frank discussion, painting, pounding bread dough or pottery clay, or crafting personal ritual; helps free the spirit from the grip of depression and anger.

Working through anger puts us smack in the center of the cauldron, in the fire of transformation. In the heat of the flames we are transformed. We gain insight and clarity, and become free to make proactive choices and embrace change. But until we surrender, we will not experience the alchemical fire that burns off the old self and delivers us, reborn, as the mythical phoenix from the ashes. This is inner work. Surrender is an inward journey to one's center, one's soul. In the mythic dark night of isolation, surrender is hard, especially for the ego. The ego views surrender as a death. But surrender is necessary for growth.

Through embracing our grief and difficult times, by keeping a journal and digging into dream work, we surrender to our own underworld and travel with Persephone, through the unknown realm of the dead, to face our darkest fears, and explore the aspects of our unknown Self. Persephone leads us into the dark. And we are wiser for it.
***kari ann alrich

the optimists creed

Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.

To give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds.

To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

EARTHQUAKE!!!!

This morning, before dawn, River woke up. Jonathan said to me "will you go make his bottle if i change him?" i said "sure" (because that is by far the better end of THAT deal haha) and proceeded to go get the bottle. When i got downstairs, I checked the time on the defunct cell phone i use as an alarm clock. 5:07. If i got back to bed and Fred went back to sleep i would have approximately an hour and 20 minutes to SLEEP until my alarm clock was to go off at its appointed 6:30a.m. When I got back, we gave the bottle to the newly fresh Fred, who i didnt think was gonna go back to sleep, and by this time Bella was stirring and i had the dreaded thought that my day was going to start 87 minutes ahead of schedule (and 360 minutes after i went to bed). Not good.

But i laid back down anyway, hoping against hope. And i really was falling back to sleep! yay! i can only convey this if you have had two babies at once....if not, i don't know if you can really savor how sweet that falling back to sleep was. but you can try. it was nice. i was drifting in "thought" between marshmallow clouds, various people i have known in my life, and pirhannas (dont ask me, thats just what was in the old memory bank. the IMPORTANT thing was that i wasnt thinking about babies and dread)

Next thing i know (and i wasn't in that KNOWING place just that lovely beautiful dark floating place JUST before sleep) i hear Jonathan gently bark to me, "Can you please stop shaking???"
Now, i have had restless leg syndrome since LONG before the commercials. I know it is annoying. but i woke up PISSED, because i only have the rls when i CAN'T sleep, when i am overwrought and (probably shouldnt be) TRYING to go to sleep. This was NOT that. this was floaty clouds and 84 more minutes of precious, fragile sleep.

When he said that, and i subsequently reeeeeally was awake for the DAY (Which i cursed with at least the F D and S words in the first 5 seconds) bella DID wake up and i summoned ANY nice and gratitude and flimsy positivity in me, said my little prayer (which may have included the F and S words this morning, but i tried!) and stood up on my own two feet to start the day.

Brought Bella downstairs and sat in the blackblue dawning while she had a bottle and melted her body to mine like a little monkey, a little primate. She dozed off and I laid her down and went and had my morning smoke.

Then logged in (to the sounds of snoring Jonathan and Fred, the morning banes) to my email and saw that there had been an EARTHQUAKE at 4:47am CST. So that explains it all. Sure, people will say "that was in illinois, iowa, and indiana, you are in Ohio and you are a crackpot for thinking you felt it!" (although i doubt anyone would be emotional enough to be exclamation-point about it, but i am, so i added it for emphasis)

But, that kind of thing happens to me a LOT...and i have learned, (after i saw a strange venus-mars-moon lineup just before 9/11 and said to some teenagers i worked with "you guys, something is going to happen and two planes are going to crash on the same day and it may just somehow start world war three") that it is veeeeeeeery important for me to somehow express when synchronicity happens to me. and i have.

gratitude NOW!

so here i am. in ohio. the shock has worn off...
the money should start up again soon. (that was RUFF)... the house is settling (that was even RUFFER)...
it is two months till poultry days and i can put up with ANYTHING for two months haha...
sebastian was named STUDENT OF THE WEEK his first week in school (and i have asked my mother and no, they don’t do that to all the new kids :) )...
my sister kept a bookcase that my dad gave me in safekeeping all this time (bless her) and i SET IT UP with my favorite most comforting beauties and preciouses and THAT was perhaps the BEST thing i have done in my life and feels soooo good that i can’t wait for the babies to grow up so i can lay in bed and look at it and read for just ONE rainy day...
we wake up when the birds wake up and go to bed when the birds are going to bed...
i have a lovely "smoking porch"...
i get the internet thursday at mine own house, and am LOVING the brantspace (very therapeutic and goooood)...
my mommy, brother, and sisters have been great to be with and my neices are precious jewels...
thinking about the blissful "summer schedule" and looking foreward to QUIET HOUR...zzzz...
will be hooking up the financial aid for college soon and may just take humanities and literature for shits and giggles to get STARTED...
haven’t even had creekside pizza yet!, but have had maidrite (yum)...
the moon was a horseshoe crescent last night at sunset. rapture!!!...
speaking of the moon, bellaluna rolled over yesterday...
fred likes THE OUTSIDE like he’s a 2 year old huck finn...
got a family library card and am reading alan alda’s memoir before i dig into hillary’s...
have read the secret life of bees AND little women (ahhhh)..
i can breathe here and it is so wet and green and good...
you can see the sunset (unlike the crappy mountains)....
soooo many trees and summer is peeking out...
i have crocus and daffies and am gonna start the sunflowers posthaste (and the lavender and echinacea and the zinnias and the carrots and...)...
people speak english here (or at least some form of it :)...
have cemeteries to visit, but i am one who likes that...
my wardrobe consists of a pair of grey cords, a pair of brown cords, a pair of jeans and miscellaneous pretty shirts and a "librarian sweater" and a pink shawl, i am COMFORTABLE with my wardrobe for perhaps the first time...
will register to vote soon (two more ohio votes for hillary- i hope!)...
i cracked open the record-player/cd/tape/radio FINALLY and am in heaven listening to my dayton classical and my oxford npr and my sidney hodgepodge stations and my TUE...
can a date night in the oregon district be far off?!...
happy that my computer friends still luv me...
and my beauty cousin nikki and all my cousins...
things are nice...
how could i complain??! how?