Our Year Of Living (Beautifully) Without WalMart

Saturday, July 26, 2008

for the beginning of my second hundred posts...

i will unveil the answer to a visualization. enjoy...

for the beginning of my second hundred posts...

freakin dragon bullshit

my (25 year old) husband and i cannot, and may never as long as we live, see eye to eye about video games and fantasy (not that kind, unfortunately haha) role playing games.

and this is a major point of contention in my universe. not as major as some womens' i imagine. i am aware that it could be far worse.

but for whatever my (25 year old) husband's reasonings are behind his fascination and addiction to dragons and elves and wizards and big breasted warrior women are...my views on video games and that sort of avoidance of reality are really quite simple.

imagine a cavewoman complaining that her (25 year old) caveman partner was playing video games and drawing comic books. there are obvious flaws in that statement, such as the lack of language, technology, electricity, and life expectancy of the cave(wo)man peoples. i get that...

imagine a woman in the 16 century complaining that her (25 year old) european (hell i will even make him italian now, my husbands' cultural identity)husband was playing video games and drawing comic books. same exact barriers here, and besides,he had crusades to fight and stuff...

imagine a woman in 19th century america complaining that her (25 year old) husband and father of her 3 children, was addicted to thinking about fighting dwarves and lands with names far stranger than prussia...same barriers here, besides the life expectancy thing, that was probably possible...but the rest didn't exist.

imagine a woman in 1976, the year i was born, complaining that her (25 year old) husband was addicted to thinking about nintendo games (or wtfe the new video game system is) and was so much into dwarves and wizards and drawing fantasy creatures and people, that he "fell in love" with a girl at work who offered him a look at her videogameplayer magazine while the wife was home pregnant with this man's first child...

wouldn't've happened. i was born just at the dawn of computers and video games.... just at the cusp between the technolological dark ages and my own flaming internet addiction (to social websites like youtube and myspace, i suppose because i have fallopian tubes instead of seminal vesicles) was i born into this world.

by the time my husband was in elementary school there was nintendo. NOT atari 2600 for the richest kid in your town...

we have a massive rift in our understanding of the de/evolution of human beings that i doubt can ever be mended, filled in, or even understood.

but i have been trying to sit down and write my opinion down for three years and through the birth of two babies and the death of my first husband...ever since the "falling in LOVE with the bigboobied norweigen emo girl at work THING"...

to explain to someone, anyone, my utter horror at video games, video game consoles and the generation of men who are peter panedly addicted to them or who think twice (let alone twice a minute, or hour) about them...

i feel they are a propaganda conditioning device sent to us by the japanese to get back at us for hiroshima and nagasaki...i always have.

maybe if a Nintendo was a Smith i would not feel that way...but i ALWAYS have...ask my brother who got a Nintendo (the most expensive thing any child in my family ever owned after my own saxophone) upon entering preadolescence. i was eh, 13 maybe, and i said that.

i used to rant and rave about how the japanese sent the videogame consoles in order to enslave the american boys (who are now 25+ year old men) into never growing up. into war games and horror conditioning.

i still do...on a global megaton scale now.

but my husband continues to spend his spare time drawing battle axes (hours at a time, i am not kidding) and reams and reams of bigboobied warrior women with straps on their calves and bows and arrows.

i am just a simple housewife trying to raise three children (two of them boys to whom i vehemently will never allow access to violent video games for as long as they choose to live under my roof, let alone let them think that objectifying women, who like their little sister and i are holding up the REAL world while they would be fantasying away) who feels as ignorant about video games as my aforementioned cave woman would...were she to manifest now, grasp the english language and read this flibbertyjibbit on this electric box....

people allow video games...people spend THEIR MONEY on them...i do not. i will not. ever ever ever ever ever ever ever.

i once had three teachers (one of them my mother) in the public school system TELL ME to buy my son...
(sebastian, the honor student who has some access to video games because his father died, his father of this generation i speak of, who was born 16 months after i was in the technologically advanced year of 1977, left them to him...though they have not been plugged in in this home that i am buying for him)...

VIDEO games, because he lacked fine motor skills and his penmanship was bad! imagine! IMPROVE YOUR CHILD'S PENMANSHIP WITH VIDEO GAMES! thats f***Ed up...it really is....

but NO ONE will see it like me...i have NEVER met ANYONE who sees it like me. even my best friend in the ENTIRE WORLD for all of time, marci has a (25 year old) husband and 5 children who own all sorts of video game things, including and up to a nintendo wii.

maybe pentacostals see it like me...or mormons (though i severely doubt it about the mormons)...

but it is a lonely world for me when this is the norm. when this is EVERY mother i have met, grandmothers even, who have encouraged this video game thing in (both my husbands) the boys of this country (who are still boys, and who are now men)...

and hell, even in the bigboobied girl who is using videogame magazines to lure other pregnant womens' husbands from them...

its kinda universal (except for me) and i will never join in (like soooooo many things... i am thinking the petowning madness blog wouldn't be much different than this one in its unpopularity)

and even i have been known to play some supernintendo zelda and playstation pinball...seriously...the hatred i have for myself about it is palpable, don't worry...

but, if this is the end of the civilization as we have known it for 100 years, and i most fervorently (sp) believe that it is...then eh, what's the harm in some videogame oblivion?

it didnt seem to help the (25 and under year old) american soldiers in iraq to have been conditioned through violent video games, did it?

so it isn't going to help ANYONE, is it?

(but how many has it HURT???? THAT, my friends is the question...because it very very very really HURT me, videogamermagazinewithtits)

and intellectually it KILLS ME...it is almost like a glitch in the system that only i have...and THAT hurts a lot...but i guess no more or less than the thousands of other moral glitches that i have that almost no one else seems to have...

so game on, gamers...


and rave on ravers...

till the end of time....

Friday, July 25, 2008

steffani crummett has a way with b-o-l-o-g-n-a

i saw this thingie in a baby magazine today about raising toddlers and it was called MOMMY IS HAVING A TANTRUM...

thats fuckin infantile, isnt it...

but how true...

i have kinda been having a tantrum in one form or another for well over the eight years i have been a mother, but especially surly have been the past, eh, 7 years, since my first child was a toddler...

when you are young and pregnant, or the mother of a newborn, even in that crazyass notsleepingfortwostraightweeksandyournipplesarefirypulpsofhell, you do not imagine that you could ever ever ever ever yell at your child, let alone, that you would eventually have a knockdown dragout powerstruggle of intergalactic proportions in two years....

i am there now with fred, this evening, and in a year and a half at exactly this same time, i will be there with bellaluna.

i am so tired.

and i am thinking terrible thoughts like a woman with children can either a) have children and not work ie stay home with them and be a 24/7/365 mommy like me or b) work and be a part time parent and a 24/7/365 mommy like me or c) run away or d)find a way to make any of those options work.

i am exhausted.

i am thinking terrible thoughts about gender roles and the unfair slavery of stay at home women...

that doesn't help...

but this is what i do when i don't think about the newworldorder machine of government, that my mother has, in essence, told me is driving me mad-der...

i wonder sometimes what the world will be like when i am dead. not in a suicidal way, but as a manner of trying to motivate myself...
it doesn't work most of the time. NOTHING really works to motivate me. the st. john's wort *ahem placebo* i have been taking, seems to work, when i remember it, which has been eh, maybe 9 times this calendar month.

that is how shoddy my memory is...

i am running three children's programs, (and my husband's) and supposedly my own, and the house's and the car's and and and and
on a 56k external modem with wires that the mice have chewed through.

thats what i feel like right now.

oh yeah! i forgot why i started this...

anyhoosies...

one of the tips in that article i mentioned ( i believe i called it a thingie earlier because i am so tired and river has been up "going to bed" for almost two hours now) when MOMMY IS HAVING A TANTRUM...(just IMAGINE how many fucking times a day i would have to count to ten! just go ahead and try to fathom the amount of times i am absolutely washed over with the tsunami of mundane bullshit that is my existance!...oh yeah, it is beautiful and wonderful and i wouldnt trade it for the world, really. i am serious...THAT, friends is how UTTERLY FUCKED UP mothers' wiring is!)

anyway...

the tip for when MOMMY IS HAVING A TANTRUM was:
GET CREATIVE!

and it jabbered on and on about giving your kids crayons and paper instead of having a screaming jihad (which by the grace of goddess i am not having with fred at this precise moment, though 99.999999% of my neurons want to, oh god, the relief if i would just scream and run away and never come back!!!!! *ahem i am kidding...i wouldnt trade the gorgeousness of selfimposed absolutely ungrateful servitude for ANYTHING, i mean it...*)
with your two year old.

if i were to give fred crayons at ANY POINT in his life right now, i would be just ASKIN for hours of scrubbing crayon off the walls...it is bad enough now when he is getting them from SOMEWHERE (god help me!) *ok, its the ART CABINET i have created in my divine lovely mommyness* when i am not looking

he would throw them at me...i know it...he would brain me upside the noggin with crayons...right on the bridge of my nose, or some crazy haphazard shit like that....

oh yeah, ok...so this thingie about MOMMYS TANTRUM or whatever...

said about this chick who GOT CREATIVE instead of shaking her baby...

"when i know that at the end of the day i will blog ALL ABOUT IT...it really helps me! (insert yuppie uncomfortable grin here...you know the kind with porcupine hair on top) Sometimes, when the kids pull a REAL doozie, i say "THATS A BLOGGER!"

i hate that lady...i hate her a lot...

this is painful and boring and annoying and strange enough to read...you dont want to hear about how i just went upstairs and wiped poop off of river because he had taken his diaper off and danced around in it, right?

you don't need the details like how bella is CRAWLING around here (after her first week on the floor) and i am frickin PETRIFIED about the next three years of my life and trying to keep these people safe...

bastian will be a teenager when they are 5 and 4 years old!

and i go to this place of absolute gray and bemuseddepressed wonderment inside a lot of the time. a place where i imagine how the world would be if men had to wake up three or four times a night (midnight-6am) and do WHATEVER their JOB is with zero notice or preparation and then do it all day and do this for 20 years....

but you don't need to know about how bastian cried for 15 minutes over a video game that i let him play for 20 minutes past his usual half hour allotted computer time...

you don't want to know about the peeing on the floor and the fruitflies that won't go away, and the filling that fell out and the no dental coverage, and the griefbursts, and the husband yelling the f*word at me yesterday when i was far too mean for one too many times, and the eh i dunno probably 2-3000 crazy tiny, medium, and huge moodswings that i , my three children (one a big kid, one a toddler, and one a baby) and the twentyfive year old martyrsaint who is my longsuffering (but wouldnt be if i wasnt, i dont think...) husband go through, do you?

you wouldnt give me sympathy and maybe good advice, would you?

is there a you? i don't even know...

i can't imagine at this point.

i am going to go change naked river again for the eh i dunno but i bet i have been up there 16 times in the past two and now a half hours...

but i swear...i am glad to be here. i am blessed to be home...i know that

Monday, July 21, 2008

something i just said whilst chatting with my sistacousin

persephonesunset: when i have HIGH self esteem, one of my favorite mental "activites" is wondering who is obsessed with me, like i am obsessive

persephonesunset: i bet i would be surprised

ummm...i don't really let my kids watch disney all that much. do you?



***wikipedia says it much better than i could...***
Der Fuehrer's Face is a 1943 animated cartoon by the Walt Disney Studios, starring Donald Duck. It was directed by Jack Kinney and released on January 1, 1943 as an anti-Nazi propaganda piece for the American war effort. The film won the 1943 Academy Award for Animated Short Film and was voted #22 of the 50 Greatest Cartoons of all time by members of the animation field.

A German brass band (including Hirohito on sousaphone and Mussolini on bass drum) marches through a small German town (where everything, even the clouds and trees, is decorated with the swastika), singing the virtues of the Nazi doctrine. Passing by Donald's house, they poke him out of bed with a bayonet to get ready for work. Because of wartime rationing, his breakfast consists of ersatz bread (50% sawdust), coffee brewed from a single hoarded coffee bean, and a spray that tastes like bacon and eggs. The band shoves a copy of Mein Kampf in front of him for a moment of reading, then marches into his house and escorts him to a factory.

Upon arriving at the factory (at bayonet-point), Donald starts his 48-hour daily shift screwing caps onto artillery shells in an assembly line. Mixed in with the shells are portraits of the Fuehrer, so he must interrupt his work to perform the Hitler salute every time a portrait appears. The pace of the assembly line intensifies (as in the classic comedy Modern Times), and Donald finds it increasingly hard to complete all the tasks. At the same time, he is bombarded with propaganda messages about the superiority of the Aryan race and the glory of working for The F├╝hrer.

After a "paid vacation" that consists of making swastika shapes with his body for a few seconds in front of a painted backdrop of the Alps, Donald is ordered to work overtime. He has a nervous breakdown with hallucinations of artillery shells everywhere. When the hallucinations clear, he finds himself in his bed—in the United States—and realizes the whole experience was a nightmare. The short ends with Donald embracing a miniature Statue of Liberty, thankful for his American citizenship.


****there is so much more evil disney shit but this is a good one that goes unnoticed all too much.***

shift happens

holy bajoly ....

i just told bellaluna...(after watching these videos)
"i am so sorry that i had babies, bella luna..."

then i said "naaah i am not sorry...i am smart enough to handle it...i may look crazy to the rest of the world, but i innately understand what is being said on this video..."

then i kissed her feet.

she needs a diaper change. you go watch this while i go change her diaper...
meet you in the stratusphere when you are done watchin :)


the antifeminist group (with the prettiest stained glass windows in your town)

http://www.freemasonry.org/

Freemasonry is the oldest and largest world wide fraternity dedicated to the Brotherhood of Man under the Fatherhood of a Supreme Being. Although of a religious nature, Freemasonry is not a religion. It urges its members, however, to be faithful and devoted to their own religious beliefs.


absolutely reeks of testicular bullshit, don't it?!

and that is the very tippytop of the infintesimal bullshit iceberg...

i could go on but i can't go on right now...

Sunday, July 20, 2008

bella has three teeth (a haiku)

two "big" bottom ones
one shard of a top front tooth.
she is grinding them

am i the only one in the world?

who has noticed this?
i will google it after i post...

Photobucket

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there is a LOT LOT LOT that could be said about the psycological mindgames being experimented on people.
i used to care A LOT that i had been driven crazy by the world. and that others were somehow more conditioned or able to stand the world and its madness.
now, in my older age, i have decided that it is i who reflects the world's madness back at it instead of absorbing it and gobbling it up like the OTHERS i used to envy.
bleet.