This morning, before dawn, River woke up. Jonathan said to me "will you go make his bottle if i change him?" i said "sure" (because that is by far the better end of THAT deal haha) and proceeded to go get the bottle. When i got downstairs, I checked the time on the defunct cell phone i use as an alarm clock. 5:07. If i got back to bed and Fred went back to sleep i would have approximately an hour and 20 minutes to SLEEP until my alarm clock was to go off at its appointed 6:30a.m. When I got back, we gave the bottle to the newly fresh Fred, who i didnt think was gonna go back to sleep, and by this time Bella was stirring and i had the dreaded thought that my day was going to start 87 minutes ahead of schedule (and 360 minutes after i went to bed). Not good.
But i laid back down anyway, hoping against hope. And i really was falling back to sleep! yay! i can only convey this if you have had two babies at once....if not, i don't know if you can really savor how sweet that falling back to sleep was. but you can try. it was nice. i was drifting in "thought" between marshmallow clouds, various people i have known in my life, and pirhannas (dont ask me, thats just what was in the old memory bank. the IMPORTANT thing was that i wasnt thinking about babies and dread)
Next thing i know (and i wasn't in that KNOWING place just that lovely beautiful dark floating place JUST before sleep) i hear Jonathan gently bark to me, "Can you please stop shaking???"
Now, i have had restless leg syndrome since LONG before the commercials. I know it is annoying. but i woke up PISSED, because i only have the rls when i CAN'T sleep, when i am overwrought and (probably shouldnt be) TRYING to go to sleep. This was NOT that. this was floaty clouds and 84 more minutes of precious, fragile sleep.
When he said that, and i subsequently reeeeeally was awake for the DAY (Which i cursed with at least the F D and S words in the first 5 seconds) bella DID wake up and i summoned ANY nice and gratitude and flimsy positivity in me, said my little prayer (which may have included the F and S words this morning, but i tried!) and stood up on my own two feet to start the day.
Brought Bella downstairs and sat in the blackblue dawning while she had a bottle and melted her body to mine like a little monkey, a little primate. She dozed off and I laid her down and went and had my morning smoke.
Then logged in (to the sounds of snoring Jonathan and Fred, the morning banes) to my email and saw that there had been an EARTHQUAKE at 4:47am CST. So that explains it all. Sure, people will say "that was in illinois, iowa, and indiana, you are in Ohio and you are a crackpot for thinking you felt it!" (although i doubt anyone would be emotional enough to be exclamation-point about it, but i am, so i added it for emphasis)
But, that kind of thing happens to me a LOT...and i have learned, (after i saw a strange venus-mars-moon lineup just before 9/11 and said to some teenagers i worked with "you guys, something is going to happen and two planes are going to crash on the same day and it may just somehow start world war three") that it is veeeeeeeery important for me to somehow express when synchronicity happens to me. and i have.