Our Year Of Living (Beautifully) Without WalMart

Saturday, June 28, 2008

hope (not a gimmick but real honest to goodness hope)

i know a lot of the shit i put up and send bulletins about could be construed as fearmongering. i get it...

i would prefer to look at it like a not so pleasant linguistic alarm clock...

and would rather use a tone of desperation (of my own) than fear...

BUT...

i know that desperation is negative, so i just tell it like it is, or so i see it...

bush is evil

this we all know(i would hope)

anyhoo...

no one has replied to me about my 911 fixation stuff and my corruption finding hobby, so i have no idea if or what anyone is thinking about it...

but for those still reading this far...

i have found an INTERESTING website full of warm fuzzy feelings about these things i have been writing to you about...

the link is: http://www.wanttoknow.info/9-11

its very very nice...

you should go there, if you have a minute....

unless of course you have something more important to do...

yeah...i thought so

wars and rumors of wars

the only prophecy of revelation that i didnt understand...



what a chump i was, when i was 10...







i swear to whatever is holy....this is what people with penises are cooking up for the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEE UUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

is it ironic?



this makes me chuckle...and think alot

alaina's paper about me...

this is a paper that my neice alaina typed about me for college!

the assignment was "Write a paper about someone who is older than you, and who is doing something interesting, different, and important"

i am sooooooooooooo proud of HER for going to college and i am soooooooo proud of ME that i am an inspiration.....

thank you lani and thank YOU for reading it....


Alaina Jennings

Prof. Bollenbacher

English 121-001

June 30, 2008










You're Doing What?!?

"We have a secret in our society. It's not that birth is painful, but that women are strong." This quote comes from one of the many women now opting to choose home-births over hospitalized births. Since the beginning of time, women have delivered babies without the use of pain reducing medications, so why in the 21st century, as we women fight to prove that we are as strong as men, do we let others convince us that we are not strong enough to bear our children?

Steffani Crummett grew up in Versailles, Ohio, third of five children. More than ten years younger than her oldest siblings, and just two years older than her youngest siblings (a set of twins), she developed her own unique sense of self and unconventional way of thinking. Many would describe Steffani as very spiritual and artistic. She goes against what society considers normal, and is happy with her life and the choices she has made.

At the age of 20, Steffani left the farmlands of Ohio for the vast mountains of Colorado, where she met and married Robert "Bobby" Williams and settled in Eaton, Colorado. Together they had one son, Sebastian, born January 8, 1999. He was born at Upper Colorado Medical Center in the nearby city of Greeley. Nearly two weeks over-due Steffani chose to have an induced labor, because she was fearful for the safety and well-being of her child.

The birth story of her eldest child is one Steffani refers to often when asked about her choice to birth her youngest two children, River two, and BellaLuna seven months, at home. She recounts to me the feeling of having lost control over herself and her child, after being admitted to the hospital. After receiving various labor inducing drugs and pain medications, she had seated herself in a rocking chair, in an attempt at finding a comfortable position to sit, while she waited until it was to begin pushing her son out into the world.

When a nurse came in asking her to move back to her bed so the progress of her labor could be checked, she complied. Seconds later the alarm attached to the fetal heart beat monitor began to sound. She was thrown on to her bed as nurses and doctors immediately began prepping her for an emergency Cesarean-Section. Amidst all the commotion Steffani tried to explain that the monitor had simply slipped from position and this was the reason for the alarms.

Nurses were putting an oxygen mask on her face, while shoving papers into her hands to be signed giving the hospital permission to go ahead with the procedure. After repeated attempts she finally got through to the hospital staff that she and her baby were fine, and a C-Section was not needed. "Even when I was otherwise ignorant about birth, I knew my body and what was best for my baby's welfare." She says, pointing out that with all the education doctor's have received, they will never know your body better than you do. After the monitor was put back into place, everything progressed normally, and after 21 hours of labor she welcomed her son into the world.

Shortly after having her son, Steffani met and became close friends with a woman named Marci, who raised her awareness about home-birthing. Steffani knew that she was not going to go back to any hospital to have a child.

Nearly eight years later Steffani had divorced Bobby, and remarried Jonathan Crummett. When they learned they were pregnant, Steffani knew that she would have a home-birth. With the support of her close friend Marci, Steffani stuck by her choice, and gave birth to a healthy baby boy, on May 17, 2006. This is a birthing story she also refers to often, to compare the differences between home-birthing and hospitalized birthing.

While her eight year old son was staying with his father, Steffani went into labor in the comfort of her home, supported by those who had a vested interest in her and her child's well-being. After eight hours of labor, no pain medication, and no labor management techniques, Steffani describes this labor as far better than her first. The bond between her and her husband grew stronger as he coached and coaxed her through her labor contractions, and the birthing of their son, even though as Steffani tells me "Jonathan had never even held a baby, until he helped deliver his own child."

At the arrival of her son Steffani was able to lay in the comfort of her own home, holding her newborn son, without anyone trying to take him away to be weighed or bathed, or any of the various other things doctors deem necessary to do to new-born children.

With her third child, and second home-birth, Steffani gave birth to a baby girl, who was born breech. Many women have heard the horror stories of babies being born breech, and the complications it can cause. Steffani tells me it's not quite as complicated as we have been led to believe. Her daughter came into this world feet first and arms up. As Steffani pushed her out into the world, her husband Jonathan, held the babies feet tight, and together they brought her into this world, safe and healthy.

When speaking with Steffani, you can see the animation in her face describing how she felt during each of her children's birthing. Her eyes brighten with anger and fear at what might have been had she not repeatedly spoke out during the birthing of her eldest child. When she speaks of the birth of her youngest two children she is far more calm, relaxed and comfortable.

Steffani describes this home-birthing as the most self-empowering thing she has ever or will ever accomplish in her life. "If you don't need a doctor to put the baby in, why do you need a doctor to get the baby out?" she asks me, expressing her opinion that it is a natural process to create a child, and therefore it also should be a natural process to give birth. The first moments of her child's life are far clearer to her because of the lack of mind-altering drugs. As a recovering drug and alcohol addict Steffani says to me "I don't use drugs socially, so why would I allow myself a high dosage of drugs while I'm pregnant?" After learning her story it is hard to imagine why any woman would give up the comfort of her own home, only to have her life taken over by a stranger, who decides what is best for her, during the single most important moments of her life.

Steffani often has referred to herself as having been ignorant about hospitalized-birthing. She believes women should be taught about the benefits and risks of home-birthing, and allowed to make their own personal choices. However for first time parents she would recommend having a midwife in attendance in case of an emergency situation. It is her hope that by sharing her story, more women will become aware of the choices we have, and can move from ignorance to enlightenment.

holy F****

i just was catchin up on a little perez (thats where i should stop, i guess)



the "charity dujour" of the day is to help with postpartem mood disorders and it is this chick's foundation...

then i read it was for the chick AND the baby and i got foreboding...

then i clicked on it, and read their yuppie foundation bullshit, looking for how these people died, (my guess was she drowned them both)

then there is a youtube video about the chick and the baby and makes you suffer through her hallmark card, yuppie bullshit life flashing before your eyes pictures of this chick and i am getting angrier and angrier because i want to know how this woman killed that baby...(i am morbid and getting more and more upset by this point)

the end of the slide show is laughing, cute pictures of the baby...

they dont tell you on the website how they died...i had to google it...

the website is FULL of yuppie condolences about what a bright light and gorgeous wonderful wife mother sister blah fuckin blah fucking blah about this woman...

so i had to google it...

SHE SHOT THE SEVEN WEEK OLD BABY....she took a pistol and SHOT THE SEVEN WEEK OLD BABY

and then herself....

i agree...postpartum mental disorders EXIST...i have more than likely been suffering from them in some form or another for nine years...ESPECIALLY since i have had the two babies in the last two years...

how would we help mothers like this, then, you ask...

*GO TO A WOMAN'S HOUSE WHO HAS JUST HAD A BABY AND DO HER HOUSEWORK....

*GO TO A WOMAN'S HOUSE WHO JUST HAD A BABY AND FIX HER A DAY'S WORTH OF MEALS...FREEZE BACK SOME FOOD IN THE FRIDGE...

*GO TO A WOMAN'S HOUSE WHO JUST HAD A BABY AND GIVE HER A BREAK...FIND A WAY TO HAVE HER LET YOU WATCH THE BABY (IN THE HOUSE) WHILE SHE TAKES BATH, HAS A MEAL, AND HAS SOME REST...

*DO HER LAUNDRY FOR A WEEK

*TALK TO HER...REALLY SEE HOW SHE IS DOING...

*WATCH HER MOODS AS BEST AS YOU CAN...MAKE HER CALL YOU SEVERAL TIMES A DAY, IF YOU HAVE TO

*MAYBE EVEN MOST IMPORTANTLY....(WELL ONE IMPORTANT THING)
***SUPPORT THE HUSBAND...LET HIM KNOW YOU ARE A TRUSTED PERSON AND THAT YOU BOTH LOVE THE MOTHER VERY MUCH AND WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT EVERYTHING IS OK....GET THE HUSBAND DINNER AND A BREAK TOO...HELP HIM SUPPORT THE MOTHER...***

*IN A SINGLE MOTHER SITUATION IT IS EVEN MOOOOORRRREEE IMPORTANT TO SUPPORT THE MOTHER IN ANYWAY YOU CAN THINK OF...

*MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHE CAN CALL YOU ANYTIME(!!!!!!!!!!!!!) ESPECIALLY(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WHEN IT IS HARDEST AND LONLIEST AND WORST...my neice called me at 3 in the morning once about her baby...it was the best helping of anyone i may have ever done in my entire life.

*AND OF COURSE (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) PROFESSIONAL HELP IS THERE AND WAITING...IT IS FAR STUPIDER TO BE MORE AFRAID OF CHILDREN'S SERVICES OR ANYONE (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) ELSE'S JUDGEMENT ON THE MOTHER AND THE SITUATION THAN IT IS WRETCHED (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) TO IMAGINE THAT WOMAN AS THE MURDERESS OF HER OWN BABY BECAUSE SHE HAD A SEVERE PROBLEM AND THERE WAS NO ONE AT ALL ABLE TO HELP HER...

*IN MOST IF NOT ALL OF THE OTHER NATIONS IN THE WORLD, (FIND ONE WORSE THAN THE UNITED STATES, I CHALLENGE YOU) WOMEN ARE MUCH MUCH MUCH MORE SUPPORTED WITH DOULA, MIDWIFE, MAID, AND ESPECIALLY FAMILY AND FRIEND CARE THAN HERE.

****WHAT I CAN DO IS ASK YOU TO THINK ABOUT THIS... SERIOUSLY...

THINK LONG AND HARD ABOUT WOMEN SHOOTING THEIR SEVEN WEEK OLD BABIES AND THEN THEMSELVES

i guess i wish this woman peace in the place she is now....as well as that baby who was but a brief tiny flicker in this world....
but they have illuminated the way for me to write this all up and who knows, maybe influence SOMEONE or SOMETHING for the better, i would hope...

it took guts to type this all up and explain how i was feeling...i am full of piss and vinegar about the state of women's affairs...just absolutely out of my own mind incredulous at the weakness and vulnerability of women and children in this culture....

call up a mother and say hello....tell her she is doing a beautiful job....give her a breather....let her know that a breather is totally ok....let her know she is not alone in her head, that the whole world is out there just waiting for her to ask it for a little bit of help....

thanks for reading this far....i could write a book about this...seriously....

(0riginally posted june 26,2008)

9-13-01





i have always wanted sooooooooooo badly to fit in...



in my family...



in school...



in my country....



but i just can't...







even back on 9-13-01 (when this story first aired) i was as asleep as i ever plan to get...i was a young mother with a working husband who was doing the house and two cars and mortgage thing...



and i HATED BUSH then...and i HATE HIM NOW....



and i have always felt "okay" about being american...



but i am not a FLAG PERSON like this....



i HATE BUSH TOO MUCH...



i HATED HIM THEN TOO MUCH...



I KNEW IT WAS BULLSHIT...



MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS "OKLAHOMA CITY" that there was NO way that anyone outside of the united states would do anything that violent...



i was right...i was right...i was right...i was right....



you will see in time that i was right...



and that my being right does not feel like a good thing.


its not like i will GAIN wonderful satisfaction by being right.
it is GRUESOME to know these things...
to've been able to FEEL them on that day...

i knew bush was evil
i knew bush was evil
i knew bush was evil

ask anyone....
bobby flew the flag...
i didn't want to...

i wouldn't have if you had bought it and asked to hang it up on my porch...

not because i don't love america...
i do...
i have seen and EXPERIENCED most of america...
i have been to her states, driven through MOST of them...
have seen all the major cities (mostly)...
at least half of the state capitol buildings....

i am more well versed in governmental action/disaction/unaction...
and supposed function...
than i EVER will be at television, fashion, consumerism, or any other mind manipulating tool...

and there is sooooooooo much wrong right now...
there is soo much evil right now....

and if you want to ignore it, i cannot stop you from ignoring it....
and if you want to think i am crazy...please do. all the geniuses, prophets and heroes in the world have been wild-eyed craaaazy muthuhs...
i will be PROUD to be placed in THAT rank.

i can't fly the flag yet because the FLAG is killing innocent people right now...
and
our dictator is evil
our dictator is evil
our dictator is evil

nice, chill june afternoon

very nice fun

i am sick and tired and sick and tired and sick and tired



how many hours, weeks, days, months, years, decades....
are we going to allow men to do these things???

if women do not wake up and rise up and at least MAKE A STAND before the end of all things and STOP these GI JOE cops and robbers games....

seriously...call me crazy...call me crazy till the end... and sisters and brothers....

WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP PLEASE

THIS IS HAPPENING...if this is happening IN FRONT OF CAMERAS....what do you think is happening that WE DO NOT SEE????????!!!!!!!!!!

(originally posted june 20,2008)

NSFFW

(nonsmokingfreeformwriting)

a bit before i moved from colorado i realized that i LOVE free form writing a lot. i haven't gotten back around to it much yet because i havent HAD TIME and i HAVE TWO BABIES AND A BIG KID and I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO EVER CLEANS ANYTHING...(picture chris farley doing matt foley and his exaggerated parentheses)

anyhoo...

i have calculated the utterly shocking math problem that states that if i was smoking 15 cigarettes a day (and that is a low estimate, probably) and was sitting for 10 minutes per cigarette (which i KNOW is a low estimate) that 150 minutes of CIGARETTE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is TWO and A HALF HOURS per day...just sitting and smoking...

what a "WRITING ROUTINE" i could get into using THAT!?

two and a half hours a day...SEVENTEEN AND A HALF HOURS A WEEK..

damn near enough to a whole entire 24 hour day!!!!!!!! crazy

anyhoo...

i may just bop on in here i dunno, however many times a day it takes...to keep my fingers busy...so get ready for a LOAD of CA_RAZY blogs... of just a whole lot of flibbertyjibbit that is my mind with my neurons begining to fire again in their natural ways (yes, i know this will take a while, but already this morning i have been able to feel them in there crackling and popping...

i am looking into a different blog site to set up, even...because it feels like my stuff i do on here is getting lost....



who is reading this anyway?????

(originally posted june 19,2008)

makes me feel included...(for the first time in my life haha)

midsummer full

full blue moon & tree

i am full of thoughts, in a good way.
my house is about to become a home.
all thoughts will lead to good things given time, nourishment, and energy.
and a tangible chance!

i opened my last pack of cigarettes today.
my loyalty to the camel cigarette company is much stronger than their loyalty to me...they changed the blend.
why would i even dare to start some other brand and choicedly enslave myself for thirteen more years?!
my babies will be teenagers by then...bastian will own this house by then.
if i were to live to see it!

oh mindless mindfullness! the story of my life...

piles of beautifully illustrated childrens books that i may or may not get around to showingto, reading with, or sharing with my children...

boxes of board games, decks of cards, and i don't know how to play!

my house is such a sanctuary for insects that it is like my broompile comes microscopically alive, when i get a notion to sweep...

but i have a diaper pail now, and strawberries in my fridge...loaves of bread waiting for my hands to bake them...

can you see it? can you see my robin's egg blue summer parlor with ceiling fan and five 5shelf book shelves?! i can...

can you see me spraypainting bricks white for bastian and i to paint different colors to lay around our SUNFLOWER GARDEN, just as soon as i paint them and pick up the compost mulch i laid to create the dirt underneath? i can....

i can see multitudinous possibilities where there is usually ennui and mundane...they wait for me...even under piles of nonsense and lack mentality and selfimposed drama, they wait patient as waves lapping the shoreline...

for me to come back to them... they wait...and under the dark earth of possibility i remember them...

and they sprout!

president reagan's son wants to kill me...

(originally posted friday (the thirteenth) june 13th 2008)

a (good) your tax dollars at work video (for once)

(originally posted june 12, 2008)





YOUTUBE INFO FOR THIS VIDEO:

June 10, 2008 will be a moment in the 9/11 Truth movement we can all look back on and be extremely proud.
For all of you who have spent countless hours reading books, watching DVD's, searching the internet, investigating what happened on 9/11, researching til 2, 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning, knowing you had to get up soon to go to work but you couldn't pull yourself away from this.
For all of you who have been ridiculed, laughed at and have been told that you are nuts.
For all of you who decided that it's time to do something about the obvious lies and cover-up by our government and media.
For all of you who have stood on a street corner holding a 9/11 Truth sign and have absorbed a middle finger or heard the voice of a sheeple yelling, " GET A JOB !! "
For all of you who have sacrificed your time, energy and money to organize a speaking engagement in your home town, only to be completely ignored by the media.
For all of you who have made phone calls to your local representatives, radio stations, television and print media urging them to look into 9/11.
For all of you who have experienced sleepless nights because you know something is very wrong with our country, our press and our democracy.
For all of you who have a voice, but at times go unheard or suppressed.
For all of you who stand up when it's uncomfortable, when it's inconvenient or when it's down right hard to do so.
For all of you who stood by Blair and cheered him on. For all of you who continue to ASK QUESTIONS AND DEMAND ANSWERS.
For all of you who wish you had a State Senator who could be your voice for you.
For all of you who know that there is only one Senator from Arizona who stands for the Truth and it's not John McCain.
It's Karen Johnson !!
For all of you who work to achieve accountability for the victims of 9/11 and their families and for all of you who know 9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB, this is for you.

Thanks for your support over the last 16 days. These days will always belong to all of us.


"Blair" refers to Blair Gadsby who is holding a hungerstrike at the arizona statehouse until he gets a meeting with john mccain to show him, personally, 911 truth information.
send a loving thought to blair and consider what you are doing....


Phoenix, AZ, May 21, 2008 - In an effort to bring national attention to the 9/11 truth issue, Phoenix activist, Blair Gadsby, a professor of Religious Studies, plans to start a hunger strike on Memorial Day, at the Phoenix office of Senator John McCain. Gadsby is putting the spotlight on McCain because of McCain's avowed support for the official account of 9/11. McCain is the author of the foreword to the 2006 Popular Mechanics book, Debunking 9/11 Myths: Why Conspiracy Theories Can't Stand Up to the Facts.

Gadsby, an Arizonan who is represented by McCain, stated for the record, "I believe Mr. McCain is a man of deep integrity. He has stood up to corporate influence in campaigns and to the very powerful Military Industrial Complex in the past, and he has a record of being a maverick. That's why I've chosen to offer him this opportunity to face the issues head-on publicly. He may be one of the very, very few who have the integrity and stature to keep the military loyal and find the broad-based political support to bring about a change in our great country. But today, he is in a perilous position. By writing the Foreword to the official cover-up story, he has sided with the corrupt and war-mongering elements in our society and government. But if he can be made to see that he has been lied to, like the rest of the American people, he may be able to pull us back from the brink of an America perpetually at war. In the end, that's what this is all about - a wartime economy that is out of control. We need someone to rein it in, and I'm pinning my hopes that Senator McCain will do the right thing, and not be so desperate to become President that he will sell himself out. I only hope it's not too late."

Gadsby says he will fast until McCain agrees to give him and the Phoenix 9/11 Truth group two hours of time: one hour for presentation of evidence and facts followed by one hour of debate between leading investigators and scientists on both sides of the issue. Other 9/11 truth groups in New York, Chicago, San Francisco, and New Mexico are organizing events in solidarity with Gadsby's hunger strike. More information about Professor Gadsby is available at:Phoenix, AZ, May 21, 2008 - In an effort to bring national attention to the 9/11 truth issue, Phoenix activist, Blair Gadsby, a professor of Religious Studies, plans to start a hunger strike on Memorial Day, at the Phoenix office of Senator John McCain. Gadsby is putting the spotlight on McCain because of McCain's avowed support for the official account of 9/11. McCain is the author of the foreword to the 2006 Popular Mechanics book, Debunking 9/11 Myths: Why Conspiracy Theories Can't Stand Up to the Facts.

Gadsby, an Arizonan who is represented by McCain, stated for the record, "I believe Mr. McCain is a man of deep integrity. He has stood up to corporate influence in campaigns and to the very powerful Military Industrial Complex in the past, and he has a record of being a maverick. That's why I've chosen to offer him this opportunity to face the issues head-on publicly. He may be one of the very, very few who have the integrity and stature to keep the military loyal and find the broad-based political support to bring about a change in our great country. But today, he is in a perilous position. By writing the Foreword to the official cover-up story, he has sided with the corrupt and war-mongering elements in our society and government. But if he can be made to see that he has been lied to, like the rest of the American people, he may be able to pull us back from the brink of an America perpetually at war. In the end, that's what this is all about - a wartime economy that is out of control. We need someone to rein it in, and I'm pinning my hopes that Senator McCain will do the right thing, and not be so desperate to become President that he will sell himself out. I only hope it's not too late."

Gadsby says he will fast until McCain agrees to give him and the Phoenix 9/11 Truth group two hours of time: one hour for presentation of evidence and facts followed by one hour of debate between leading investigators and scientists on both sides of the issue. Other 9/11 truth groups in New York, Chicago, San Francisco, and New Mexico are organizing events in solidarity with Gadsby's hunger strike. More information about Professor Gadsby is available at: http://patriotsquestion911.com/professors.html.
http://patriotsquestion911.com/professors.html.

freedom




ass deep in the revolution i wanted something good to come out today....
thanks for hanging in with me...

kill your television

(originally posted june 9, 2008)

i dont have cable...i dont have basic cable...
neither should you...

jfk speech about the new world order

yeah... i wouldn't've talked like this and then gone to texas...but i am a wuss...

googled "obama patriot act" and here's what i got...

(originally posted june 6, 2008)

from the huffington post may 28,2008 then linked to reuters:
DENVER - Maybe it's his background teaching constitutional law.
If elected president, Democratic White House hopeful Barack Obama said one of the first things he wants to do is ensure the constitutionality of all the laws and executive orders passed while Republican President George W. Bush has been in office.

Those that don't pass muster will be overturned, he said.

During a fund-raiser in Denver, Obama — a former constitutional law professor at the University of Chicago Law School — was asked what he hoped to accomplish during his first 100 days in office.

"I would call my attorney general in and review every single executive order issued by George Bush and overturn those laws or executive decisions that I feel violate the constitution," said Obama

Other goals for his first 100 days: work out a plan to withdraw troops from Iraq; make progress on alternative energy plans and launch legislation to reform the health care system.



hillary for attorney general!!!

pirates and emperors AND mediaopoly



my protest



i made this myself...it is the first youtube vid i made...
not for the squeamish...and hell, go ahead, squeamish...watch your tax dollars at work...

something i wrote one time (manifestoish)

(originally posted may 30,2008)


there are people in this world who know you
not because they have seen you
or heard you
or touched, smelled, or tasted you
they know you because they know themselves
they know the wretchedness of being trapped inside the gruesome wonderland of their minds
and they know yours

before you were born they held you in the palms of their hands and hoped beyond hope that the horrors that had been visited upon them would not ever be experienced or comprehended or even heard of by you, knowing all the while that you would have it much worse even...

then they placed you in the care of your parents whom they never trusted and neither would you
but you wanted to!
you had to believe that there was good and brilliant in your parents because you WERE your parents.

you were closer to the source then

when you closed your eyes in the sun you could see swimming in front of you the sperm that you used to be and feel that all you were was the egg inside your mother-forever being invaded by your father...

you knew but they had forgotten....

whatever the act which brought you into human childhood, the greatest miracle of all, the holy of holies, sex itself...
had been tossed aside and scrutinized and rationalized, and left the diagnosis upon you that you were nothing.
you were unmentionable.

in those days when you were nothing, when you were only a child, not yet of comprehension, nothing but a sponge...what did you absorb?

did the magic of life filter through your pores like spring water or did the muck of the mundane clog the arteries of your heart and mind until you were old before you were young, dead before you had the chance to live at all....

did both happen? did you understand? did you stand under?

under grownups who beat each other senseless mentally or physically all dayand then fucked later that night and you heard them?
under grownups who gave you flowers and pointed out constellations and let you believe for one second that good things could happen to you?

were you lorded over by people in authority?
people who stuck children in boxes and stuffed themselves in children's boxes just because they could?

did you tell these things to other children who looked at you with blank stares and had hot dinners at the table every night and god and country and mother mary?

did you explain these things to other children till you were blue in the face? until you noticed one day that there were no other children left around and you were by yourself?

and when you ended up by yourself did you notice? did anyone notice? did you take pills and other substances into your body so that you would notice something, anything and slip away for days at a time in your room? did your mother notice or did she think you had been gone to your friends house and your body hadn't left your roof?

did any of the people around you ever hear you? were you loud and funny in vain or quiet and brooding and by then met with exasperation at best?
did you cuss in locked bathrooms just to hear vile things come out of your mouth, the mouth that others misjudged so horribly?

the mouth that all the time had told them what was happening, but everyone in the world had stones in their ears...
had curtains drawn tight over their eyes, had designer clothes to cover their naked bodies...

everyone but you...

eyes wide open....ears perked up to anything resembling the truth whatsoever....

naked soul, raw as the insides of a fruit, cut and thrashed and bruised by the ignorance and ignoring that constantly surrounded you...

did you make your body a temple? a singular religion of self?
was that little baby's body now in some awkward state of symbiosis, an opium den seething with rebellion and a personal anarchy noone could fathom?

were you nothing but churning, gluttonous petri-dish of disillusion and hormones?

did you not, like the sperm-egg contraption you knew you were, look for something to invade...to be invaded by???

did you find the one like you, the worst possible one?
the one who was worth nothing less than the complete and utter sacrifice of your former soul?
the one who you lay on the altar for and allowed yourself to be devoured by forever on a continuum of soulmating agonybliss?
the one you had the exact same effect on but neither of you could allow that to be possible because if you did, the earth would surely explode like the sun and scatter the galaxies into trillions of pieces........

so you started denying and crammying every orafice of your precious body , that perfect innocent pink fleshy person you could've been full of anyone and anything that would defoul and rot away and pound itself into it....

then one day it stopped.

you decided you would die if you didn't.

you woke up one morning...you know the one...when the light was so bright they could create the name of a new color for it...

you sat in that light, swallowed, maybe you breathed, maybe you didnt....but one thing happened...you traded that moment and sold your soul to normalcy. to trying to be something those damning wellwishers had wanted you to be all along.

you surrendered...

and the truth stopped.

because your life stopped.

you were a writhing, frothing beast the night before...never more primal, never in your existence more real or eternal...

no matter what twelvestep program or jesus or buddha or mohammed or delusion of somehow becoming junefuckingcleaver or abraham lincoln, you HAD to get as far away from who you REALLY were...that murky primordial knowledge...in the shortest amount of time possible
by scavenging as much logic and methodically plotting to be as much like the others as possible...

you had to get married...
you had to get money...
you had to have babies...
you had to send birthday cards...
you had to do chores....
and talk to people in a language you couldn't believe you could learn so fast!

you, who had always spoken the most unfathomable truths, now wrote grocery lists....and sang lullabies...and held your baby in your palms...

but you knew not to dare wish that nothing bad would ever happen to him...

in the three o clock in the morning darkness somewhere in his first week of life you looked up at the stars and asked them to be there for you in seventeen years when he was a petriedish...when he was invading girls who hated themselves...when he was as wild as a raving wolf...
to be there for you then.
and to see him to the other side of honest, where you yourself had backed down and been afraid to go.....

and then one morning the Truth came back to you and sat on the edge of your bed and laughed at you...
a pitying bellow that smelled of ooze and amber and the sweetest sulfur...

when had you invited it back?

whatever it was that had cracked open the window to let in the first spring breezes had instead unleashed the laughing, sorrowful Truth upon you....finding your whole life incredibly amusing... that lonely childhood hilarious...your awkward, plentiful soulmating exploits making the Truth laugh like a bowl full of jelly....

the Truth sat beside you and was the most grotesque and beautiful presence you had ever felt...
the Truth was just You, afterall...
..the truth was that all of those children HAD heard youand that YOU were the bravest one of them all... for the horrors that you had warned them of had come to pass inside your own body....

the Truth was that you were going to take a breath as though it was both your first and your last....
and from the moment you expelled that breath, your life, back into the world from the depth of your ultra-absorbant wound, you would filter out nothing but Truth from the Muck...solid honesty from the tattered remains of your heart...

you would become fire and air and water and earth if you had to!

you would never again lie, evade, hide, cheat, squander, gamble with, or disregard your fate...your true nature...

you would sit in front of a plastic box connected by mystic electronic impulses to anyone who would read and hear your truth...

and they would listen...

they would lap up your soul like a kitten to milk...
ingest the things you would say like food...
inject themselves with your harsh unwielding truth like the most ravenously addicted heroin addict..

they would need what your truth could be for them...

desire the gorgeous primordial ooze you are like a banquet...

answer your questions
ask their own

from all corners of the entire earth they would wake up at night with your name on their lips...

never seeing your face they would pledge unending devotion... they would thrill you with compliments and desire....
they would wisely give advice and eagerly await your intuitive responses to them driving you all to the brink of the stark madness of your truth, of their truth, of everyone's truth....

we are all invasions of sperm...we are all eggs with shells and yolk so easily shattered...
we all have brains filled with fission...
we are all wretchedly beautiful and raw and naked...there are just those who are closer to the Truth...

who clasp hands with the ugliest of life and the most beautiful of death...

who barter in the currency of honor...

who trade on the starkness of the real rather than the delusion of the masses...

that energy is neither created nor destroyed...

that it is better to know and be right than to think and be wrong...

that the Truth can steal your breath away...

that laughing and crying at the same time is itself the only true language and that those who are fluent in it create the best art...

and that there are people in this world who you know....
not because you have seen them,
or heard them
or smelled, touch, or tasted them...
but because you know yourself.........

flobots

i followed these guys across the country from denver...
when they reached it here (and on youtube various places) i knew there were more of US than there are of THEM....

woody

this guy thinks too much (just like me)

(originally posted may 28,2008)

a mother and her three babies

(originally posted may 26,2008)

i was kept up all night by a mother racoon and her three raccoon babies who spent the night chittering on my roof.

discuss

i think too much

(originally posted may 25, 2008)

i asked my mother WHEN i became so analytical.

thinking that maybe if some life TRAUMA or EXPERIENCE or AGE or developmental milestone triggered my nonstopswirling thought process i could narrow that down and figure out WHY i am like this and if i could figure out WHY i am so analytical and think soooooooooo much and cannot JUST ENJOY MYSELF i could learn HOW to stop THIS and learn something NEW.

my mother said "i would say you were always like this".

yay.

if i was born thinking too much and that is HOW I AM (and it has just become negative with age and exposure to people who don't THINK TOO MUCH) then i could change THINKING TOO MUCH like others could change their RACE or their GENDER or whatever it is THEY do or however much THEY think.

(i am always paperthin away from an emotional breakdown)

i have recently begun to observe my life (as it is now, not my past, for once) with the perspective that i very quite possibly have ADD, or some other lack of focus HABIT....i am studying this with the verve that i would put to studying blastocytes and lymphnomas if i were diagnosed with cancer.

because i have ALWAYS been like THIS.

i have ALWAYS thought TOO much.

when you were playing sports, or putting on makeup, or watching television, or getting trained for a career where you would make money, or having friends and doing fun things, or when you were planning executing and flourishing at life, I HAVE BEEN THINKING TOO MUCH.

and i cannot apologize for it. i cannot be sorry that i am so uptight.

it is who i am.

it is not fun.

it is rarely ever comfortable.

it isn't necessarily negative.

it is just realism to me.

i THINK TOO MUCH and love my children

i THINK TOO MUCH and have to pay bills just like all the other grownups

i THINK TOO MUCH and have never been on a date with my husband.

i THINK TOO MUCH and am a thirtytwo year old who has been married twice, divorced once (though i pretty much did the divorcing) widowed, and birthed three children (two of whom in the beautiful experience of unnattended home birth)

i THINK TOO MUCH and walked in on my dead father when i was 20 and have felt homeless eversince (until recently)

i THINK TOO MUCH and i had not the world's most stable childhood.

i THINK TOO MUCH and i have tried to avoid people as much as i can because they scare me, and i may have avoided people so long that i may never be able to be comfortable around them.

i THINK TOO MUCH and all i want is a GOOD LIFE for mySELF and my children.

i THINK TOO MUCH and i may never have that good life if i don't stop thinking too much.

until then, i just HAVE to make my own rules and avoid the mental institution (to the best of my ability)

but i know how to be happy

and i know how to be nice

and i know how to try to improve myself and my life.

i am an introvert in an extrovert world.

i am steffani and i THINK TOO MUCH.

and that is okay.

really.

don't worry.

i am good.

rowdy roddy piper knows something you don't

paranoia can be fun
(originally posted may 23, 2008)

kkk?






scary
i cannot FATHOM an extremist republican get together
shivers

still very nine inch nails inside here...





She shines
In a world full of ugliness
She matters
When everything is meaningless

Fragile
She doesnt see her beauty
She tries to get away
Sometimes
Its just that nothing seems worth saving
I cant watch her slip away

I wont let you fall apart

She reads the minds of all the people as they pass her by
Hoping someone can see
If I could fix myself id-
But its too late for me

I wont let you fall apart

Well find the perfect place to go where we can run and hide
Ill build a wall and we can keep them on the other side
But they keep waiting
And picking

Its something I have to do
I was there, too
Before everything else
I was like you

i did not know this existed

(originally posted may 20, 2008)
i have been in love with james spader ever since he played "stef" in pretty in pink. we had the same name, looked VERY similar, and he was that priggish type of guy i LUV LUV LUV to this very day...



i have never seen this television show, as i do not watch mainstream television. i do not have cable. i think it is called boston legal...and i am almost sure it is on abc...(Disney)



HOW WAS HE ABLE TO SAY THIS???? HOW WAS HE ABLE TO SAY ALL THIS????? i am trying very hard to get a grip on the "conspiracy" type wavelength i am on...BUT...



it is coming into me as i am searching within myself for my TRUEST self, without censor...so i am believing that it is WHO I AM...



and there is a LOT of WHO I AM in james spader's words in this clip....again, we have aged and again we look VERY similar...and again we share the same name: DISSENTER.



watch the clip....i would say this to you if i could be so eloquent...


this is how i roll...

read this whole thing and understand it...i dare ya to not get all ravelled up and twitterpated... (no offense, i sure can barely read it, when i read like "regular" reading)
and then read whole books written like this and websites and THINK A LOT...and you can be a fraction as neurotic and unable to have fun without THINKING TOO MUCH, just like me...

either way i wanted to post it because it was very good stuff and i wanna share it...

now without further (annoying) preface:

Toward Divine Wisdom and Understanding

Shifting Paradigms

The wisdom and understanding of our own inner essence is like a beacon that invites us inward toward ever deeper connection with the Divine. Yet rather than look within, most people prefer to look outward for divine wisdom, thus maintaining a dependence upon a vast hierarchy that stretches between the individual and the Divine. In all our wanderings away from the Divine, humankind has obscured its most compelling features through a persistent belief in limitations arising out of the controlling mechanisms of this hierarchy.

The Divine dances outside of the confines of any hierarchical structures. It is complete within itself, and has a singular purpose of demonstrating the collective potential of all life within the universe. It is the archetype of perfection. It is the standard bearer of each soul's innate design and ultimate destiny. The essence of the Divine is so far beyond mental conception that humanity’s tendency is to resort to the limiting language of the hierarchical paradigm to define it.

The Hierarchical Paradigm: Searching for Connection and Wholeness

When people are unaware of their inner wisdom and wholeness, they tend to search for order and security outside themselves. Uncertain of their place within the hierarchical order of the world, they define themselves based upon their insecurities. Individuals thus become only pieces of their wholeness and like shards of glass from a beautiful vase, they bear little resemblance to their aggregate beauty. Within the hierarchy, many in high positions of power have taken advantage of our collective insecurities in attempting to guide the development of all humankind. They have obscured the direct connection between the individual and the Divine through a variety of means designed to intercede between our inner essence and our divine source.

Each individual can come to know themselves to be free of all forms of hierarchical control. This is not to imply that we should not trust others or join together in bonds of friendship and community. It is simply a reminder that relative truth is constantly shifting in the hands of those who desire to control. And even when the motive for their controlling behaviors may be of good will, it is still a form of control. When the revealers of "truth" within the hierarchy withhold and suppress information, they are usually positioning themselves to acquire and maintain power rather than to disseminate empowerment to all.

The desire for connection and wholeness is a fuel that drives us to seek out and explore the hierarchical paradigm. This inner longing provides us with the motivation to seek help and guidance from a specific group within the hierarchy, and in so doing, cultivate a sense of belonging and connection. Furthermore, the hierarchical paradigm is a stage whereby we develop a sense of connection to some grand, encompassing vision. This is why the hierarchy nurtures prophets who point toward a greater vision.

Spiritual leaders are able to peer deeply beneath the surface reality of life and experience how intricately connected every life form is, and how the composite of all life is intelligent far beyond measure. These visionary leaders can thus interpret reality through their personal abilities to perceive and express life's dimensional depth and limitless intelligence. Yet no one is able to articulate life's full dimensional depth and breadth with the tools of language. They can only, at best, describe their interpretation or their impressions.

In actuality, all of us are able to peer beneath the surface reality of life and perceive a unique vision of the universe. We require only time and intention to develop our own interpretations. And this is precisely what many great spiritual leaders have taught. Life's deeper essence is not an absolute to be experienced by the chosen few, but an evolving, dynamic intelligence that wears as many faces as there are life forms. No group or people has the exclusive portal into the universe by which the Divine expresses itself in all its majesty. The portal is open and available to all, because the Divine is within all things.

Those recognized as great prophets each produced a vision of the universe beyond what was currently defined by the hierarchy. Because their interpretations were articulated with authority and depth of insight, they became a target of debate among various groups in the hierarchy. This debate then created a polarity of belief. A sympathetic constituency emerged to defend and embellish their leader's interpretation, while established groups held it in contempt of previously held beliefs. Invariably, the leader's vision became confined and shaped into dogma by followers who desired to create a new religion or sect. Thus, this infusion of fresh insight quietly receded into the hands of the hierarchy, where its deeper meaning was obscured by the very fact that it was incorporated into a rigid structure that both protected and promoted it.

The Transformation Paradigm: Inner Wisdom and Understanding

A new paradigm is emerging that promotes a clear connection of individual consciousness to the compelling features of the Divine without the intervention of a hierarchy. This is when the fables and myths of history step into the light and become known as they were originally intended. This is the time when language will be transformed into a new form of communication that breaks down all barriers of control. Personal transformation, through the awakening of inner wisdom and understanding, is the pathway into wholeness.

The transformation paradigm is initiated simply by the recognition that rather than the dependency-inducing ways of the hierarchical paradigm, there are accelerated, independent pathways that bypass the hierarchy and lead to self-mastery. These new pathways lead to the divine wisdom and understanding that is present within all of us. This wisdom can be accessed through the practice of three principles of transformation: seeing the Divine in all, nurturance of life, and gratitude. The application of these life principles disengages individuals from the controlling elements of the hierarchy, thus initiating the transformation experience.

As there are relative truths, there are relative freedoms. As individuals evolve through the hierarchical process, an ever-increasing sense of freedom is gained, yet external forces continue to exert control through limiting language and confining belief systems. These controlling influences lead to continued reliance upon the hierarchy as it unceasingly attempts to impose a sense of inequality between us. The underlying equation of the hierarchical paradigm is: individual + hierarchy = God connection. In the case of personal transformation it is: individual + inner wisdom and understanding = divine equality with all.

The Synthesis Paradigm: Integration

For those who feel called, the time has come to integrate the dominant paradigm of the hierarchy with the liberating transformation paradigm. This integration occurs naturally once we have fully explored the two paradigms and develop a synthesis paradigm whereby transformation is attained by searching for connection and wholeness through our own inner wisdom and understanding. It is this combination of release from dependency on the hierarchy and transformation from within that initiates the synthesis paradigm.

Once we take responsibility for our own transformation and integration, it does not mean that the hierarchy is to be shunned or avoided. The hierarchy is quite benign as a manipulative force and merely represents one important stage in the journey toward wholeness. What is being set in motion now is the initial preparation for these paradigm shifts. More specifically, these paradigms will be simultaneously played out over the coming years. As always, it will be the choice of each one of us as to which paradigm we embrace in our journey.

All of the highest imaginings of humanity are yet unaware of our deepest foundation. We have sought the upper reaches of the building, yet remain unaware of the foundation's design. It is here, at the very core of existence that the Divine is bursting forth with its creative energy while simultaneously reintegrating with its invitation to wholeness. It is here that equality is realized, not in the lofty places of relative truth lodged in the hierarchy, but rather in the deepest part of the foundational plan of life's original source and ultimate destiny. The origin and destiny of existence is the tone of equality in life. Listen for this tone—this frequency of vibration—and follow it back into the very foundation from whence all things arise and return.

Consider these words as symbols only. Feel the truth that stands behind these words, and tap into this empowering energy force that reaches out for you. Know it as a tone or vibration—a resonance that waits for you around every corner in which your life will turn. It is a beacon of the Divine gathering itself into the form of language in order to usher you to a place from which you can experience the formless tone of equality—the bypass of limitation. It is the primal language of our divine source that bestows to you the freedom to generate your own deepest beauty in the expression of your highest truth.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

wiggin

i found a documentary called THE POWER OF NIGHTMARES....
it is a bbc doc... its good...you can google video it...
here is a clip of the first part, from youtube...

reason i am wigging, is because i lived in greeley....just watch the first 5 minutes...you'll see

my buddha quote for the day

june 25 2008

A family is a place where minds come in contact with one another. If these minds love one another the home will be as beautiful as a flower garden. But if these minds get out of harmony with one another it is like a storm that plays havoc with the garden.

my buddha quote for the day

A family is a place where minds come in contact with one another. If these minds love one another the home will be as beautiful as a flower garden. But if these minds get out of harmony with one another it is like a storm that plays havoc with the garden.

i watch youtube a LOT

and sometimes i comment on it....
case in point...
here is the video i watched:

and here is the text comment i posted:
boy, those bushes sure do faint and puke and choke on pretzels alot, don't they????
i think the demons enter and exit their bodies...seriously...
if you think what my son is doing in iraq is terrorizing, you should see what he is doing and is going to be doing to YOU ....
evil! evil! evil!

hope (not a gimmick but real honest to goodness hope)

i know a lot of the shit i put up and send bulletins about could be construed as fearmongering. i get it...

i would prefer to look at it like a not so pleasant linguistic alarm clock...

and would rather use a tone of desparation (of my own) than fear...

BUT...

i know that desparation is negative, so i just tell it like it is, or so i see it...

bush is evil

this we all (i would hope)

anyhoo...

no one has replied to me about my 911 fixation stuff and my corruption finding hobby, so i have no idea if or what anyone is thinking about it...

but for those still reading this far...

i have found an INTERESTING website full of warm fuzzy feelings about these things i have been writing to you about...

the link is: http://www.wanttoknow.info/9-11

its very very nice...

you should go there, if you have a minute....

unless of course you have something more important to do...

yeah...i thought so

:)

sorry bill

sorry bill
but you are not the guy from high school that can make fun of the nerds and have people believe you...and have people follow you....



imagine being in an audience of SOMETHING in nazi germany and there were people in the audience who were trying to get the message out to the rest of the world that they were under hitler's tyranny and wanted to do ANYTHING to stop it...imagine they were screaming "THEY HAVE OVENS AND THEY ARE BURNING JEWS BY THE THOUSANDS!!!!!!!!!!"....



the audience in this clip acts just like the audience would've then....seriously.



and bill maher...and the other MEN on the panel act like nazi appeasers to the hilt...yukyuk guys, while iraq burns, while afghanistan burns, while MURDER is carried out in YOUR NAME...by evil deathmongers who aren't going to stop...



throw out dissenters...they weren't there to be entertained by YOU, ya shill...they were trying to take a deep breath and EXPOSE the evil that you sell products to fuel...







When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.

When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.


When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.


When they came for the Jews,
I remained silent;
I wasn't a Jew.


When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.

i am going to try to archive the myspace blogs...

at the same time as i input new ones....
so enjoy the transition! :)

Monday, June 23, 2008

just a thought about grunge

just a thought about grunge
(originally posted june 20, 2008)

i always awaited the day when grunge would be like "lynard skynard". even when i was doing it. and now i was thinking that kurt cobain has been dead for 15 years! and that back in the day we were "trying" to look as "DIFFERENT" as we could (fueled by marijuana, cheap liquor and psychadelics) by wearing tshirts of strange things and old cartoon charecters and such (which have all been resurrected from the dead for our children's enjoyment and digitally ehanced...hello! waiting on the smurfs live action movie!!!!) ...now we are trying to make our MYSPACE pages look as "DIFFERENT" as we can.and the emo kids have filled in our place in the cavity of change. that (among billions of other reasons) is why we hate them. they are now fueled by marijuana, cheap liquor and psychadelics and LOOKING DIFFERENT and we are PARENTS...and those that aren't parents couldn't even DREAM of POSING like THAT...(could you??? anyone over 30 and emo reading this????? you should donate your brain to science....seriously)

anyhoo...to sum up...

eddie vedder is still hot.(and FORTY SOMETHING---damn near FIFTY)

there are HOT TOPIC stores and we bought our clothes at GOODWILL.

and

we are old but we used to look really really cool in sockcaps and flannel in the raging summer. we did. really.

imagine a woman in love with herself

(originally posted may 18, 2008)

imagine a woman in love with herself


imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is woman.

a woman who acknowledges the past's influence on the present.

a woman who has walked through her past

who has healed into the present.

imagine a woman in love with her own body.

a woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is.

who celebrates her body's rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.

imagine a woman who embraces her sexuality as her own.

a woman who delights in pleasing heself.

who experiences her erotic sensations without shame or guilt.

imagine a woman who honors the body of the goddess in her changing body.

a woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom.

who refuses to use her precious life-energy disguising the changes in her body and life.

imagine a woman who has access to the full range of human emotion.

a woman who expresses her feelings clearly and directly.

who allows them to pass through her as gracefully as a breath.

imagine a woman who tells the truth.

a woman who trusts her experience of the world and expresses it.

who refuses to defer to the thoughts, perceptions, and responses of others.

imagine a woman who follows her own creative impulses.

a woman who produces original creations.

who refuses to color inside someone else's lines.

imagine a woman who names her own gods.

a woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness.

who designs a personal spirituality to inform her daily life.

imagine a woman who refuses to surrendeder to gods, gurus, and higher powers.

a woman who has descended into her own inner life.

who asserts her will in harmony with its impulses and instincts.

imagine a woman who is interested in her own life.

a woman who embraces her life as teacher, healer, and challenge.

who is grateful for the ordinary moments of beauty and grace.

imagine a woman who authors her own life.

a woman who trusts her inner sense of what is right for her.

who refuses to twist her life out of shape to meet the expectations of others.

imagine a woman who participates in her own life.

a woman who meets each challenge with creativity.

who takes action on her own behalf with clarity and strength.

imagine a woman who has crafted a fully formed solitude.

a woman who is available to herself.

who chooses friends and lovers with the capacity to respect her solitude.

imagine a woman who refuses to diminish her life so others will feel better.

a woman who brings the fullness of her years, experience, and wisdom into each relationship.

who expects others to be challenged and blessed by her presence in their lives.

imagine a woman who assumes equality in her relationships.

a woman who no longer believes she is inferior to men and in need of their salvation.

who has taken her rightful place beside them in the human community.

imagine a woman who refuses to use her precious life-energy managing crisis and conflict.

a woman whose relationships deepen in satisfaction and contentment without depleting her.

who chooses friends and lovers with the necessary skills to navigate through the challenges of life.

imagine a woman who values the women in her life.

a woman who sits in circles of women.

who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.

imagine a woman who has relinquished the desire for intellectual safety and approval.

a woman who makes a powerful statement with every word she speaks, every action she takes.

who asserts her right to reorder the world.

imagine a woman who has grown in knowledge and love of herself.

a woman who has vowed faithfulness to her own life and capacities.

who remains loyal to herself.

regardless.

imagine yourself as this woman.

(or in love with this woman)

***by patricia reilly***

kick his ask

(originally posted may 15,2008)
i guess i have a thing for funny kids