lost angeloss

i went to l.a. once...i finagled my way there with bobbys grandparents...

it kinda ruins the whole movie business for me...just having been there a bit.

i am GRATEFUL i got to go there, really i am, in that lifetime ago when i was married to bobby and i was young, (and god was i fat...i probably weigh the same thing as i sit here), and bastian was three years old.

you have to wait at disneyland in this weird line to meet "mickey mouse"....

anyhoosies...

thats kinda how i feel about my DEPRESSION today...

that its all disneyland and greasepaint and smoke and mirrors and i am just a tourist.

(and no one cares to visit anymore...and why should they, the chamber of commerce is sleeping on the job...)

hollywood blvd where all the stars are is all sexxx shops! (for transvestites, etc)

i went on the week prior to the oscars. i saw bruce vilanch from across the street. i have been "intimate" with a rockstar...i have been closer to fame before...

bobby gave me a little fake oscar statuette thingie from a gift shop. it said BEST WIFE. i wonder where that thing is now....

we went on a "date" to hollywood (we had been staying in west covina, for those in the KNOW) and when we were driving back on the 101 we heard that sublime song about the riots...it was kinda too fairy tale good to be true, but it really happened...

the first thing you see on sunset boulevard is Home Depot...no shit...

but if you keep driving you pass the viper room, which i made bobby do...and you see where river phoenix died...(THATS a time warp)

now bobby is gone too..

i have this other life...

and the DEPRESSION stalks me like a walking vulture...

i fight, don't we all know i fight it hard?

i can't imagine how boring life would be if i had been to europe and africa and iraq and all the other places in the world...i know how there are the same stores at the same exits all over THIS country.

Home Depot, no shit...

and the lebrea tarpits are in the middle of town. right on the street.

beverly hills is weird. seriously. weird.

when you are in LA it feels like you are going to fall into the fucking ocean at any second. it is the end of the universe. and you can FEEL how california just kinda ripped off the edge of asia...you can tell it is supposed to be in asia, or that it is VERY much like asia would be like.

the rain is just saltwater. salt water falls from the sky. the rain is aqua.

i gave my hostess a bar of soap from Universal Studios that had the Bates Motel on it.

you have to HURRY to take a shower because you KNOW there are MILLIONS of people who want to take a shower too...BILLIONS...

don't get lost in ThaiTown...

but the best/worst part of going to LA...

oh, i forgot the part about how when you drive around (neighborhoods, mind you) you wonder which house is ben afflecks... oh, maybe that was just me... you KNOW one of them is his house though. you KNOW you are in his town. and EVERYONE ELSE famous and stuff... that is oddly stalky and comforting at the same time.

AND i forgot that the NICKELODEON (sP) animation studios look like a carpet store or something, they just have (had) the rugrats painted on it or you wouldnt know....

the santa monica pier is a bunch of flyover airplanes with messages on them...

and it is EVERYTHING that has ever been said, written or sang about and soooo sooo sooo much more....