Friday, May 22, 2009
trying to think of a new spin on the old "memorial day weekend"....i have never liked memorial day, and since bobby is gone, i am toast about it. it's too much.
so i am thinking up new ideas to honor those we have lost, somehow, while also having a NEW thing where perhaps we mark down our memories for the past year or something, maybe in a BIG moonstone scrapbook or something....???
the whole concept bothers me tremendously. if anything i WISH the "memorial day" was the friday, or something and it was "out of the way" first, and then you could enjoy the weekend? but having it monday is for the birds altogether....
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
My name means "crowned"....that is the meditation....that is the goal....i love this picture, always have.....my hair is almost this long and wispy when wet....crown chakra, etc....
at 10:40 PM
Sunday, May 17, 2009
three years ago today on a wednesday morning fred and i had a birth together.
it was amazing.
as most of you know by now, i had fred at home, attended only by jonathan and with the encouragement of my best friend marci.
i WANT to write his whole birth story but i am exhausted after a long week. i will someday, i promise...
but what is REALLY running through my head the past couple days as the Lesson of Fred's birth is this..
when i was in labor with fred i didn't know if i was "at 10" because there was no one to check me (and i didnt quite trust myself or know my body well enough then). so i didn't know when i could push.
so i kinda HELD HIM IN an hour and a half longer than i could've (at least)....
i was propping my legs up to the couch and pushing AGAINST the couch and him back up in me kinda. for an hour and a half (at least).
finally at a minute before the world changed, i (practically flew) raised myself up on my knees and beared down like nothing before or since.
i am telling you....birth is a millesecond....for all the thinking it lasts a second....no kidding
his little bocce ball head was born (down below me, i have yet to see a baby born, bella was behind me, but you'll have to wait to hear about THAT foot in november)...
and i heard him sloshing around underneath me and it sounded like (and the picture in my mind's eye of him was) he was floating on his back in a river and splashing the wather with his arms....thus the name and the boy were born.
it took less than ninety days for me to become pregnant with river, after NINE years of only having one child....i firmly believe that he was quite fated to me.
and i love him something fierce. and he is beautiful and funny and So very sensitive, just like me (and just like his dad too...what a combo)
almost a thousand days ago.....i love him dearly.
happy birthday, river frederick jack....mama loves you....