pumpkin eaters

i call minivans (and the ladies who drive them) "pumpkin eaters" because they remind me of the nursery rhyme of peter peter pumpkin eater who locked his wife in a pumpkin.

i have RESISTED the whole minivan thing...VERY VERY VERY STRONGLY because it is so antithetical to my own internal wanna-feminism.

but those days are kinda coming to an end because we have FIVE people in our Lumina now...and two of the ones in the backseat are in carseats and the other one in the backseat is constantly miserable.

at this rate, we will never take anyone else along, no friends, no nuthin... and its just very uncomfortable now...

so my mind has always wandered to an econoline van with a pop out back seat and a pop in bed thingie to cart the kids around in and also travel or spend the nights out somewhere on date night...

then my husband could put his failed art school career to good use and paint the outside all psychodelic and cool...

that's as close to the "van thing" as i would ever allow myself to wander...

and besides, they are FUCKING EXPENSIVE....

my best friend has one that will cost (just off the lot, no improvement, maintenance, five dollar a gallon gas, or insurance) TWENTYEIGHT THOUSAND DOLLARS...

in my opinion, it may as well be TWENTY EIGHT MILLION and JUST THAT STUPID...

i cannot imagine spending that much on an item...transportation or not...

but something has to be done...

so this morning when i was dropping bastian off at his "ecosplorers" summer program at the local nature preserve...(bibleschool for the pagany set hahaha) my mind wandered to these ladies (these "pumpkineaters") in their poop brown and shitstorm grey minivans and my pity turned to trying to think of a solution...if not for THEM, because i guess they don't have a problem... than for me...

how could I, in a good steffeminist way, resolve to ever owning the minivan that i so desperately need...and the ANSWER was quick to come to me...

why dont they paint them GIRLY colors?!!!!

these women, these pumpkin eaters are in DRAB PUMPKINS...as if the humiliation weren't enough to their girly, notsexyanymorebecauseihavekidsandiamgettingolder psyches!!!!!!!

pink! like my toenail polish!

glossy hot colors!!!

TEAL, if you insist!

but SOMETHING prettier and GIRLIER and SEXIER and more BEAUTIFUL....

a pretty pumpkin rather than an industrial, institutional, jailcell colored minivan! YUCKKKKY!

so i may be pricing minivans and i MAY be looking to get a pink one...somehow...probably will buy a beater one and go to maaco...but how gorgeous would that be??!!!

i would start a movement, i know it....

i feel now, that there are millions of women who NEED me to start this....

(i fluctuate between gutter self esteem and delusions of grandeur, i know this)

just think, why aren't women doing prettier things than what they are settling for? why aren't i?