just moved back and all, as we all know...but between kucincich and now this tim ryan guy that i am discovering...we are by far the gutsiest state i have seen in washington so far...
good side note, all three of my childrens' fathers (and there are two not three) were born in texas, home of dr. ron paul....
makes us a pretty gutsy, patriotic crowd, i would say.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
mario savio
beautiful sacred words...
"There is a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at heart, that you can't take part; you can't even passively take part, and you've got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels, upon the levers, upon all the apparatus, and you've got to make it stop. And you've got to indicate to the people who run it, to the people who own it, that unless you're free, the machine will be prevented from working at all!"
"There is a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at heart, that you can't take part; you can't even passively take part, and you've got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels, upon the levers, upon all the apparatus, and you've got to make it stop. And you've got to indicate to the people who run it, to the people who own it, that unless you're free, the machine will be prevented from working at all!"
Thursday, July 3, 2008
my horoscope for the day (i wish i was kidding, this is the yahoo horoscope)
July 03, 2008
Taurus (4/20-5/20)
A friend who is not nearly as intuitive as you are will insist they are on to some type of conspiracy theory, but you're not so sure. Before you burst their bubble, find out how much research they've done to support their theory. If they are so positive of their guesstimate that they are willing to bet money on it, that's when you step in to be the voice of reason. Help them see things more conservatively. But if you fail to change their mind, don't feel guilty about it.
Taurus (4/20-5/20)
A friend who is not nearly as intuitive as you are will insist they are on to some type of conspiracy theory, but you're not so sure. Before you burst their bubble, find out how much research they've done to support their theory. If they are so positive of their guesstimate that they are willing to bet money on it, that's when you step in to be the voice of reason. Help them see things more conservatively. But if you fail to change their mind, don't feel guilty about it.
i cannot hold an outside job
because i go insane and cry...
and yet i give myself ZERO credit for being able and STRONG enough to stay home with these children 24/7/365...
why is that...
tonight i am going mad...just starkraving nuts inside...i want it to be BEDTIME so bad and it is 5:20 pm
i love the kids...i even like the house and i LOVE my beautiful things in it to make this a good life...
on paper everything is ok....
but i have been existing in a malaise that i have wanted to chock up the my old divorce, my new relationship's rocky start, pregnancy, grief that has been ENTIRELY unexpressed about my first husband's death, another pregnancy, a cross country move, poverty, low self esteem, hatred of doing dishes, one son being almost a pre-teen, the other one being TWO WITH A VENGENCE, a new (teething, diaperrash this week) baby, hormones of pregnancy & postpregnancy & new birthcontrol, the sun, the moon, the wind, the rain, the hot, the cold, the government, the internet addiction, the economy, the lack of a positive attitude, the bonetiredness that comes from not sleeping for a couple years, breastfeeding, infidelity, the sugar ants, the carpet being unsafe for human life, the stopping smoking and caffeine, lots and lots and lots of stuff...
but the truth is, i have only myself and my (computer addiction) *ahem* my lack of a postivive attitude, to blame...
i know that all good things will become possible when i BELIEVE that they are good and when i DO THE WORK to IMPROVE my life...
i have just NOT DONE THAT FOR A LONG LONG TIME...
i would LOVE to say i am rusty...
but i am downright atrophied....
what will fix this?
when will i start?
yeah...so thats my pms blog of the day...
and yet i give myself ZERO credit for being able and STRONG enough to stay home with these children 24/7/365...
why is that...
tonight i am going mad...just starkraving nuts inside...i want it to be BEDTIME so bad and it is 5:20 pm
i love the kids...i even like the house and i LOVE my beautiful things in it to make this a good life...
on paper everything is ok....
but i have been existing in a malaise that i have wanted to chock up the my old divorce, my new relationship's rocky start, pregnancy, grief that has been ENTIRELY unexpressed about my first husband's death, another pregnancy, a cross country move, poverty, low self esteem, hatred of doing dishes, one son being almost a pre-teen, the other one being TWO WITH A VENGENCE, a new (teething, diaperrash this week) baby, hormones of pregnancy & postpregnancy & new birthcontrol, the sun, the moon, the wind, the rain, the hot, the cold, the government, the internet addiction, the economy, the lack of a positive attitude, the bonetiredness that comes from not sleeping for a couple years, breastfeeding, infidelity, the sugar ants, the carpet being unsafe for human life, the stopping smoking and caffeine, lots and lots and lots of stuff...
but the truth is, i have only myself and my (computer addiction) *ahem* my lack of a postivive attitude, to blame...
i know that all good things will become possible when i BELIEVE that they are good and when i DO THE WORK to IMPROVE my life...
i have just NOT DONE THAT FOR A LONG LONG TIME...
i would LOVE to say i am rusty...
but i am downright atrophied....
what will fix this?
when will i start?
yeah...so thats my pms blog of the day...
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
a post on the "more info" section of a youtube vid...i liked it i stole it...
We need people to stand by us so that we can truly change this world, The world is in our hands...
Turn of the TV and spend time with your children or family, Enjoy the beauty of nature, Then prepare for war, its comming wither we like it or not...
good against evil is here now...
I am on the side of Light,The side of balance and greatness
I have givin up everything to fight for a better world, I realized cars and jewelery and money are pointless, Love is far more a greater reward then any sports car I have drove or any worthless gold watch I could buy...
The only thing that fills me with joy anymore is seeing other people around me happy...
You will become more like me once you except whats real and whats fake, the truth is we been brain washed to think material things are most important forgetting about the spirit.
When was the last time you just sat down and breathed....just breathed...
Focus..meditate..Focus on changing this world, Plant a Tree, Thats giving life...
Help a poor man on the street, people who have nothing, we are lead to believe its there fault
NO! its not anyones fault its the systems fault, breaking us and our families.
Our own Government brings in the drugs not the man that is on the side of the street in pain...
Take strangers in under your wings, that are in need of help, dont drive past them as you see them walking.
The world has become so heartless, So cold and colorless everything is grey now,
The life of this planet is dying as is our morals...
Dont follow that path, never give in to them..Fight their plan for you for us..
Stand with me till the end we can fix this world we have the power, And only we can because we are awake, Our brothers and sisters are still asleep but they will awake soon...
until then its up to us to make a difference.
I hope to see you standing next to me when the time comes...
Turn of the TV and spend time with your children or family, Enjoy the beauty of nature, Then prepare for war, its comming wither we like it or not...
good against evil is here now...
I am on the side of Light,The side of balance and greatness
I have givin up everything to fight for a better world, I realized cars and jewelery and money are pointless, Love is far more a greater reward then any sports car I have drove or any worthless gold watch I could buy...
The only thing that fills me with joy anymore is seeing other people around me happy...
You will become more like me once you except whats real and whats fake, the truth is we been brain washed to think material things are most important forgetting about the spirit.
When was the last time you just sat down and breathed....just breathed...
Focus..meditate..Focus on changing this world, Plant a Tree, Thats giving life...
Help a poor man on the street, people who have nothing, we are lead to believe its there fault
NO! its not anyones fault its the systems fault, breaking us and our families.
Our own Government brings in the drugs not the man that is on the side of the street in pain...
Take strangers in under your wings, that are in need of help, dont drive past them as you see them walking.
The world has become so heartless, So cold and colorless everything is grey now,
The life of this planet is dying as is our morals...
Dont follow that path, never give in to them..Fight their plan for you for us..
Stand with me till the end we can fix this world we have the power, And only we can because we are awake, Our brothers and sisters are still asleep but they will awake soon...
until then its up to us to make a difference.
I hope to see you standing next to me when the time comes...
Sunday, June 29, 2008
sebastian just said...
"just say the iraq war ended in july sometime...pick a day"
and i said "july 21"
and he said "nah thats a little too late...say july 16th...george bush would still be president, right? just think of what other wars he would try to go into while he is still the president because he has time"
and i said "yeah, its called iran...they are going to drop bombs on iran"
and sebastian said "or maybe he will go against china or something stupid like that!"
How much are YOU educating the children who are OUR FUTURE about the WORLD that they LIVE in?
and i said "july 21"
and he said "nah thats a little too late...say july 16th...george bush would still be president, right? just think of what other wars he would try to go into while he is still the president because he has time"
and i said "yeah, its called iran...they are going to drop bombs on iran"
and sebastian said "or maybe he will go against china or something stupid like that!"
How much are YOU educating the children who are OUR FUTURE about the WORLD that they LIVE in?
Saturday, June 28, 2008
alaina's paper about me...
this is a paper that my neice alaina typed about me for college!
the assignment was "Write a paper about someone who is older than you, and who is doing something interesting, different, and important"
i am sooooooooooooo proud of HER for going to college and i am soooooooo proud of ME that i am an inspiration.....
thank you lani and thank YOU for reading it....
Alaina Jennings
Prof. Bollenbacher
English 121-001
June 30, 2008
You're Doing What?!?
"We have a secret in our society. It's not that birth is painful, but that women are strong." This quote comes from one of the many women now opting to choose home-births over hospitalized births. Since the beginning of time, women have delivered babies without the use of pain reducing medications, so why in the 21st century, as we women fight to prove that we are as strong as men, do we let others convince us that we are not strong enough to bear our children?
Steffani Crummett grew up in Versailles, Ohio, third of five children. More than ten years younger than her oldest siblings, and just two years older than her youngest siblings (a set of twins), she developed her own unique sense of self and unconventional way of thinking. Many would describe Steffani as very spiritual and artistic. She goes against what society considers normal, and is happy with her life and the choices she has made.
At the age of 20, Steffani left the farmlands of Ohio for the vast mountains of Colorado, where she met and married Robert "Bobby" Williams and settled in Eaton, Colorado. Together they had one son, Sebastian, born January 8, 1999. He was born at Upper Colorado Medical Center in the nearby city of Greeley. Nearly two weeks over-due Steffani chose to have an induced labor, because she was fearful for the safety and well-being of her child.
The birth story of her eldest child is one Steffani refers to often when asked about her choice to birth her youngest two children, River two, and BellaLuna seven months, at home. She recounts to me the feeling of having lost control over herself and her child, after being admitted to the hospital. After receiving various labor inducing drugs and pain medications, she had seated herself in a rocking chair, in an attempt at finding a comfortable position to sit, while she waited until it was to begin pushing her son out into the world.
When a nurse came in asking her to move back to her bed so the progress of her labor could be checked, she complied. Seconds later the alarm attached to the fetal heart beat monitor began to sound. She was thrown on to her bed as nurses and doctors immediately began prepping her for an emergency Cesarean-Section. Amidst all the commotion Steffani tried to explain that the monitor had simply slipped from position and this was the reason for the alarms.
Nurses were putting an oxygen mask on her face, while shoving papers into her hands to be signed giving the hospital permission to go ahead with the procedure. After repeated attempts she finally got through to the hospital staff that she and her baby were fine, and a C-Section was not needed. "Even when I was otherwise ignorant about birth, I knew my body and what was best for my baby's welfare." She says, pointing out that with all the education doctor's have received, they will never know your body better than you do. After the monitor was put back into place, everything progressed normally, and after 21 hours of labor she welcomed her son into the world.
Shortly after having her son, Steffani met and became close friends with a woman named Marci, who raised her awareness about home-birthing. Steffani knew that she was not going to go back to any hospital to have a child.
Nearly eight years later Steffani had divorced Bobby, and remarried Jonathan Crummett. When they learned they were pregnant, Steffani knew that she would have a home-birth. With the support of her close friend Marci, Steffani stuck by her choice, and gave birth to a healthy baby boy, on May 17, 2006. This is a birthing story she also refers to often, to compare the differences between home-birthing and hospitalized birthing.
While her eight year old son was staying with his father, Steffani went into labor in the comfort of her home, supported by those who had a vested interest in her and her child's well-being. After eight hours of labor, no pain medication, and no labor management techniques, Steffani describes this labor as far better than her first. The bond between her and her husband grew stronger as he coached and coaxed her through her labor contractions, and the birthing of their son, even though as Steffani tells me "Jonathan had never even held a baby, until he helped deliver his own child."
At the arrival of her son Steffani was able to lay in the comfort of her own home, holding her newborn son, without anyone trying to take him away to be weighed or bathed, or any of the various other things doctors deem necessary to do to new-born children.
With her third child, and second home-birth, Steffani gave birth to a baby girl, who was born breech. Many women have heard the horror stories of babies being born breech, and the complications it can cause. Steffani tells me it's not quite as complicated as we have been led to believe. Her daughter came into this world feet first and arms up. As Steffani pushed her out into the world, her husband Jonathan, held the babies feet tight, and together they brought her into this world, safe and healthy.
When speaking with Steffani, you can see the animation in her face describing how she felt during each of her children's birthing. Her eyes brighten with anger and fear at what might have been had she not repeatedly spoke out during the birthing of her eldest child. When she speaks of the birth of her youngest two children she is far more calm, relaxed and comfortable.
Steffani describes this home-birthing as the most self-empowering thing she has ever or will ever accomplish in her life. "If you don't need a doctor to put the baby in, why do you need a doctor to get the baby out?" she asks me, expressing her opinion that it is a natural process to create a child, and therefore it also should be a natural process to give birth. The first moments of her child's life are far clearer to her because of the lack of mind-altering drugs. As a recovering drug and alcohol addict Steffani says to me "I don't use drugs socially, so why would I allow myself a high dosage of drugs while I'm pregnant?" After learning her story it is hard to imagine why any woman would give up the comfort of her own home, only to have her life taken over by a stranger, who decides what is best for her, during the single most important moments of her life.
Steffani often has referred to herself as having been ignorant about hospitalized-birthing. She believes women should be taught about the benefits and risks of home-birthing, and allowed to make their own personal choices. However for first time parents she would recommend having a midwife in attendance in case of an emergency situation. It is her hope that by sharing her story, more women will become aware of the choices we have, and can move from ignorance to enlightenment.
the assignment was "Write a paper about someone who is older than you, and who is doing something interesting, different, and important"
i am sooooooooooooo proud of HER for going to college and i am soooooooo proud of ME that i am an inspiration.....
thank you lani and thank YOU for reading it....
Alaina Jennings
Prof. Bollenbacher
English 121-001
June 30, 2008
You're Doing What?!?
"We have a secret in our society. It's not that birth is painful, but that women are strong." This quote comes from one of the many women now opting to choose home-births over hospitalized births. Since the beginning of time, women have delivered babies without the use of pain reducing medications, so why in the 21st century, as we women fight to prove that we are as strong as men, do we let others convince us that we are not strong enough to bear our children?
Steffani Crummett grew up in Versailles, Ohio, third of five children. More than ten years younger than her oldest siblings, and just two years older than her youngest siblings (a set of twins), she developed her own unique sense of self and unconventional way of thinking. Many would describe Steffani as very spiritual and artistic. She goes against what society considers normal, and is happy with her life and the choices she has made.
At the age of 20, Steffani left the farmlands of Ohio for the vast mountains of Colorado, where she met and married Robert "Bobby" Williams and settled in Eaton, Colorado. Together they had one son, Sebastian, born January 8, 1999. He was born at Upper Colorado Medical Center in the nearby city of Greeley. Nearly two weeks over-due Steffani chose to have an induced labor, because she was fearful for the safety and well-being of her child.
The birth story of her eldest child is one Steffani refers to often when asked about her choice to birth her youngest two children, River two, and BellaLuna seven months, at home. She recounts to me the feeling of having lost control over herself and her child, after being admitted to the hospital. After receiving various labor inducing drugs and pain medications, she had seated herself in a rocking chair, in an attempt at finding a comfortable position to sit, while she waited until it was to begin pushing her son out into the world.
When a nurse came in asking her to move back to her bed so the progress of her labor could be checked, she complied. Seconds later the alarm attached to the fetal heart beat monitor began to sound. She was thrown on to her bed as nurses and doctors immediately began prepping her for an emergency Cesarean-Section. Amidst all the commotion Steffani tried to explain that the monitor had simply slipped from position and this was the reason for the alarms.
Nurses were putting an oxygen mask on her face, while shoving papers into her hands to be signed giving the hospital permission to go ahead with the procedure. After repeated attempts she finally got through to the hospital staff that she and her baby were fine, and a C-Section was not needed. "Even when I was otherwise ignorant about birth, I knew my body and what was best for my baby's welfare." She says, pointing out that with all the education doctor's have received, they will never know your body better than you do. After the monitor was put back into place, everything progressed normally, and after 21 hours of labor she welcomed her son into the world.
Shortly after having her son, Steffani met and became close friends with a woman named Marci, who raised her awareness about home-birthing. Steffani knew that she was not going to go back to any hospital to have a child.
Nearly eight years later Steffani had divorced Bobby, and remarried Jonathan Crummett. When they learned they were pregnant, Steffani knew that she would have a home-birth. With the support of her close friend Marci, Steffani stuck by her choice, and gave birth to a healthy baby boy, on May 17, 2006. This is a birthing story she also refers to often, to compare the differences between home-birthing and hospitalized birthing.
While her eight year old son was staying with his father, Steffani went into labor in the comfort of her home, supported by those who had a vested interest in her and her child's well-being. After eight hours of labor, no pain medication, and no labor management techniques, Steffani describes this labor as far better than her first. The bond between her and her husband grew stronger as he coached and coaxed her through her labor contractions, and the birthing of their son, even though as Steffani tells me "Jonathan had never even held a baby, until he helped deliver his own child."
At the arrival of her son Steffani was able to lay in the comfort of her own home, holding her newborn son, without anyone trying to take him away to be weighed or bathed, or any of the various other things doctors deem necessary to do to new-born children.
With her third child, and second home-birth, Steffani gave birth to a baby girl, who was born breech. Many women have heard the horror stories of babies being born breech, and the complications it can cause. Steffani tells me it's not quite as complicated as we have been led to believe. Her daughter came into this world feet first and arms up. As Steffani pushed her out into the world, her husband Jonathan, held the babies feet tight, and together they brought her into this world, safe and healthy.
When speaking with Steffani, you can see the animation in her face describing how she felt during each of her children's birthing. Her eyes brighten with anger and fear at what might have been had she not repeatedly spoke out during the birthing of her eldest child. When she speaks of the birth of her youngest two children she is far more calm, relaxed and comfortable.
Steffani describes this home-birthing as the most self-empowering thing she has ever or will ever accomplish in her life. "If you don't need a doctor to put the baby in, why do you need a doctor to get the baby out?" she asks me, expressing her opinion that it is a natural process to create a child, and therefore it also should be a natural process to give birth. The first moments of her child's life are far clearer to her because of the lack of mind-altering drugs. As a recovering drug and alcohol addict Steffani says to me "I don't use drugs socially, so why would I allow myself a high dosage of drugs while I'm pregnant?" After learning her story it is hard to imagine why any woman would give up the comfort of her own home, only to have her life taken over by a stranger, who decides what is best for her, during the single most important moments of her life.
Steffani often has referred to herself as having been ignorant about hospitalized-birthing. She believes women should be taught about the benefits and risks of home-birthing, and allowed to make their own personal choices. However for first time parents she would recommend having a midwife in attendance in case of an emergency situation. It is her hope that by sharing her story, more women will become aware of the choices we have, and can move from ignorance to enlightenment.
midsummer full
i am full of thoughts, in a good way.
my house is about to become a home.
all thoughts will lead to good things given time, nourishment, and energy.
and a tangible chance!
i opened my last pack of cigarettes today.
my loyalty to the camel cigarette company is much stronger than their loyalty to me...they changed the blend.
why would i even dare to start some other brand and choicedly enslave myself for thirteen more years?!
my babies will be teenagers by then...bastian will own this house by then.
if i were to live to see it!
oh mindless mindfullness! the story of my life...
piles of beautifully illustrated childrens books that i may or may not get around to showingto, reading with, or sharing with my children...
boxes of board games, decks of cards, and i don't know how to play!
my house is such a sanctuary for insects that it is like my broompile comes microscopically alive, when i get a notion to sweep...
but i have a diaper pail now, and strawberries in my fridge...loaves of bread waiting for my hands to bake them...
can you see it? can you see my robin's egg blue summer parlor with ceiling fan and five 5shelf book shelves?! i can...
can you see me spraypainting bricks white for bastian and i to paint different colors to lay around our SUNFLOWER GARDEN, just as soon as i paint them and pick up the compost mulch i laid to create the dirt underneath? i can....
i can see multitudinous possibilities where there is usually ennui and mundane...they wait for me...even under piles of nonsense and lack mentality and selfimposed drama, they wait patient as waves lapping the shoreline...
for me to come back to them... they wait...and under the dark earth of possibility i remember them...
and they sprout!
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