the secret of life is not a secret

Grand Winter Break Unfuckery 2012

2012-01-08T09:54:00.012-05:00

One of my favorite new sites is (pardon le french) Unfuck Your Habitat... http://unfuckyourhabitat.tumblr.com
It is a very very straightforward blog where the moderator motivates people to clean (unfuck) their homes (habitats) with great gusto, gifs, and quite salty (but awesome) language.
It is working for me. Something about the linguistics of Unfuckery is working for me, unlike "Clean" or "tidy" or "Flying" (ick) ever did(n't).

So, with this lovely last week of winter break before class starts back up again, I will be Unfucking a room in this Habitat each day and at the end of the week I shall have something resembling a Home again...

Today is my "day off", as it is Bastian's 13th birthday... (!!)

But yesterday, I unfucked the bedroom, and it truly needed it....
Damn the embarrassment, here goes....

(pardon the not-so-awesome photography....i was using instagram on my itouch in bad light)

Here is the left side of our side of the room.....BEFORE

That doesn't even look like a bedroom...which is quite sad, but you know how these things go.... This is Jonathan's side of the room, but the mess is all ours.... The boxes are boxes of toys and stuff that got moved there for some reason... poor Joffie, having to wake up to this and go to sleep to this every night. It has never ceased to amaze me the messes I have been able to get us all into.....

Here it is after I went through EVERYTHING, got rid of two bags of trash and a box of charity and touched, dusted, loved on, and appreciated everything else and every bit of wall, baseboard, furniture, etc. What is left is what is loved and what is cared for and it is so much better now...

Still a bit cluttered, but thoroughly loved and cared for now....And much better, I think.

Here is my corner of the room, before....

This doesn't really do justice to the amount of mess and ick that was over there. We have had down comforters for a year and I have not had much wherewithall so there were feathers all in the corners, and there was a lot of junk on and around that chair...It was just not comfy, put it that way...

Now it is quite restful and empty and sorted and feels much better....

When we first moved into the house, it was just horrible. We moved cross country and rented this house without seeing it....(yeah, won't be doing that again anytime soon...) and We were quite disappointed. Since then I have been too exhausted and poor to move...(and just wanna finish school and move to yellow springs and not move again until then) But this house has been quite a challenge. Quite a pauper's kingdom. When we first moved in and it was so distressing (we have since done some sprucing up, anyway)....The ONLY Thing that would help me feel at ease at all was to lay in bed (which at that time was an air mattress...) and say to myself "IF this house were in England, I would be thrilled..... Reason for me telling you this, is that I think that vibe comes through in this picture. It is very much a century and a half old ohio country house....

Well, the children are still in our room since there are only two...(a huge regret and Jonathan and I consider moving into the front parlor often, if only for the last year here...but we haven't yet...) And their side of the room has the potential to be really cozy and cool. The BEFORE picture betrays how much crapola was there before I started.....

And the after isn't much different... but they love it... and that is what is important, I think... The bulletin boards are going to be "Happy Boards" where they put up pictures of things that make them happy and that they are grateful for (Fred is having anger issues and I always try to talk him down by having him tell me things that make him happy and are good in his life and so that kinda the point of having them... So he remembers....

So, we shall see how long this lasts....It was edifying to do and I am glad it is done for now. It really is comforting. I am eager to do the downstairs this week. More pictures to follow.

on ryan dunn

2011-06-22T08:03:00.001-04:00

I have a hard time with this one. But only personally,not philosophically. The point is correct, that he was reckless and died of it. The point is correct that drink driving is homicidal/suicidal and that also proved true in this case.

At the same time, and not to be a Debbie Downer, Death is Death. As we are all probably mature enough to know by now, I am not trying to condescend (merely perhaps pull off my own self therapy on other people's walls by pointing this whole thing out)....

My son's father, my ex husband, was a rather reckless guy (it's funny how "reckless" people seem to Wreck things a LOT, eh? ) and a drug addict. We All Knew (much like everyone pretty much could've guessed, and like aforementioned video) That we would get a call in the night, or some other terrible news of his seemingly inevitable demise.... We all HOPED he would grow to be an eccentric old man on one hand, that would've been awesome....but most of us just knew he was going to harm himself. Enough for me to divorce him, anyway...Two years from that day, he took a dive into a creek while toy boat racing with our (8 year old )son....His last word was "COWABUNGA"..... (a great last word...)

Point being, he was my kid's hero and left behind hundreds of ordinary every day people who sat wake and went to his funeral. As is probably EVERY individual we have ALL known, once they are dead. Death is Death.

Put that under a magnifying glass (like an ant in the sun, which is what celebrity is, in a nutshell, in my opinion, boiled down to metaphor till all that is left is the bones and the froth) and this is what you have.

fairie night quickly approaches

2011-06-14T14:21:00.002-04:00

We Moonstones love to celebrate the Midsummer Solstice. It is our whimsical night of fairies and treats.... The children make fairie houses and in the morning the fairies have left them little earthly treats.

Fred, Bella and I went for a nature walk just now, just a simple walk five blocks down the street and back around...nothing of note was growing wild (except some wild morning glories that we lifted out of a crack in a driveway of a vacant house...HOPEFULLY they will take root and grow up and around our big tree...) but when we got home, there was a LOVELY bundle of beautiful bits to create with....I figure we will do this several more times, before the official midsummer revels, next Wednesday night <3

slowly but quite surely

2011-05-17T10:41:00.002-04:00

Things are going at a very slow, yet lovely pace. I am learning very very much about delicacy and patience and gentle waiting......

(All things I should've learned from mothering. Oh well, better late than never....)

Things are coming along on Moonstone Acre, and I couldn't be more pleased.

Things are so sublime and delicate and I am finding myself suddenly in my element.

Earth.

and so it begins

2011-05-05T09:26:00.002-04:00

here are the seedling babies......call-before-you-dig is coming friday and sunday i till...... so excited! full moon next weekend (jonathan and fred's birthday weekend) I will plant.....sow excited ;)

Same with the blog...I now have a fast computer and every reason on earth to blog more....Taking the summer off school,so no excuses!

Much love to all....Stay tuned..!

I AM (Going to be) AN URBAN HOMESTEADER (Maker)

2011-02-21T10:35:00.004-05:00

These tulips are the only thing I have ever grown that have survived. That was two years ago. But I have a GREAT desire to raise my family's food. At least some. At least carrots and tomatoes....I have GREAT dreams to grow food and herbs and flowers for myself and my family. Putting Down Roots is a very common phrase said around my home. It is something I long for greatly. We are moving in June to a VERY tolerant and Earthy town, so there is MUCH hope for us yet. But In recent months, I have read the book Radical Homemakers by Shannon Hayes and started a (tiny) Radical Homemaker Group of my friends.... I look VERY foreward to starting one in our new town (Yellow Springs Ohio)..........
I have even more recently begun following a Facebook Page called Take Back Urban Homesteading, that came to be after The Family Who Shall Not Be Named, tried to get away with trademarking the names Urban Homestead and Urban Homesteading, among other things. This was VERY disappointing to me because I had Just found a Name for what it is that I Dream. And there is NO WAY anyone is going to take it away from me for profit. I am glad I found this community all in one place, as I am very busy with school and this makes it very nice and easy to be in touch with THOUSANDS of Urban Homesteaders and for that I am DEEPLY Grateful and submit this blog in solidarity!

santa came

2011-01-02T09:23:00.002-05:00

The Queen of Christmas

2010-11-17T23:17:00.003-05:00

There was a little plywood house on the town square painted white. Every second week of December they brought it in on a flat bed. Stored it at Old McElroy's farm the other fifty weeks of the year. It was Old McElroy's wife and the ladies in the Mother's Club who had the idea for this some twenty six years before.

The men in the Chamber of Commerce put the money up to build the house and the guys from the Fraternal Order of the Eagles made sure that it was manned from 9 AM to 7 PM six days a week for twelve days, give or take when the Saturday before the Twelve Days Of Christmas fell.

It was real town effort, the Santa Claus Haus in lovely downtown Marseilles, Ohio, and the grown-ups got almost as much of a kick out of making it happen every year as the children did of wishing inside of it. No one ever complained about it at all. Sure, occasionally there were Santa snafus and little discrepancies in what Santa said would happen and what the parents could afford. But all in all, it was a much-used and much-loved landmark during its short existence each year.

Wired for light and heat, there was also a speaker that churned out Christmas music from a tape recorder. Two windows on each side to let light in were curtained in red gingham. Fake evergreen garland ran along the top of the room bedecked with red plastic ribbons and bows. A "throne" sat directly in front of the door, to the left of it sat a big red velvet bag filled with wrapped empty-yet hope-filled cardboard boxes.

Outside the door was a little porch with three wooden steps leading up to the door and the Magic Mailbox, which was really Old McElroy's old mailbox painted green and sitting atop a candy cane colored post. But to the children in town, that mailbox was a conduit to the Big Man himself. It was almost always full of paper and was emptied more than once every day of the week and several times on the days of the weekend.

The Mother's Club was responsible for getting the letters returned to the proper child's parents when the children had left a name. A task which they gleefully undertook and eagerly awaited each year. But there were always the few requests better handled by the Churches. "Dear Santa, Stop my Daddy from drinking..." or "Dear Santa, Just give my mommy a coat", for instance. Those went to the Churches.

It was a quaint little town and most had enough to eat and more than enough to make them happy. But there are always exceptions, and for some poor unfortunate souls, those cold, dark, bleak days of December are a constant tooth-grinding battle. Mrs. Miller, for example, whose son had died in Vietnam and with him her happiness. Or Old Sloopy, the bait shop owner, whose wife had run off Christmas of '54 and left him four kids to raise, the scrutiny of the whole town breathing down his neck, and no best friend, because she took him too.

There are as many kinds of heartbreak as there are people in the world. And in a town like Marseilles, every one of them is more intriguing than the next. Because the people that carry these broken hearts within them and within the town limits of Marseilles, Ohio do a heck of a lot of work and drinking to cloak them in some semblance of normalcy.

Penelope's life wasn't normal. Not even close. And in the "smile and nod" area she failed miserably. She had always been a pot boiling over, like her Grandma said. Whether she was distraught and brimming over with tears and wailing, or on the ever-so-rare occasion that she allowed herself to be happy, she was a ringing volcano of mirth and melodic laughter. There wasn't much in between. This was about ten years before the word "bipolar" existed in Parke County, though. So, for all that knew her, which was Everyone, Penelope was just the weird, somehow exotic and completely eccentric 9 year old basket case they all knew and loved. Or hated. Mostly hated.

Yes, it was one thing for the kids to tease her and bully her mercilessly. They'd always done that. And with her it was just too easy. But, it was another thing for the adults to visibly dislike a nine year old girl.

But she made them horribly uncomfortable. They didn't like her around their kids because she seemed incapable of playing or fun. Instead she pried at the kids for Answers. All she seemed to want was Information. She wanted to know how the kids Felt, for Chrissakes. She didn't want to play Barbies or watch the Brady Bunch. She wanted to know what they thought God LOOKED like, or how long they would survive after a nuclear holocaust!

The things the adults heard through the open doorways when Penelope came over would simply curdle their blood and they'd find themselves tightening their toes and clenching their fists at the mere mention of her name.

But, she rarely went to other children's houses, anyway. Maybe once in a while, when a sermon was especially guilt-inducing, a kid would decide that they'd better be nicer to Penelope or spend eternity with demons spewing flames at their heinies. But children soon forget, and Penelope was so boring and awful that those cases rarely lasted past Tuesday.

So, she was Lonely on top of it all. On top of having a brain that was way too big and filled with clattering marbles, broken glass, and what felt like the gunk at the bottom of a broken garbage disposal. On top of her heart that swelled with the love of all Humankind and on top of an ocean of tears, happy and sad, within her, that would drown an elephant. On top of the cold and the bleak and the darkness that is just the virtue of Tuesdays in December.

On just one of those Tuesdays, December 18th, 1985, Penelope found herself on top of Santa's porch. She found herself full of Magic and a sense of hopefullness as numb as her fingertips. She felt as though when she turned around, she would see not the Hardware Store with its display of Franklin Stoves and anamatronic elves in the window, but the Real Live North Pole.

She felt that when she got done asking Him and opened the door again, she wouldn't be walking back out into this horrible town full of falsely happy-looking Mannequin-people, but into her New Life. Not like she would walk the cold grey concrete walk back to her creaky, dank, drafty, frozen and unpleasant lonely room, but to a castle where she would live forever as a beautiful Princess.

She would sleep on a mattress filled with money! She would have a Court of people who wore fine clothes and lived just to entertain her and clamor for her friendship. She would have a library full of her very own books that she could read away from the sickeningly piteous looks of the dowager librarians at the library in town.

She would wear wool and furs and sit by roaring fireplaces and never be cold again! She would be happy! Really happy. She would feel Happiness in her bones. Her brain would feel like feather pillows and lemon meringue pie and her heart would again turn from a stone to meat and pump warm, comforting blood throughout her newly beautiful body.

She HAD to wish like this. She had to want the magic this intensely. She had to become Belief itself in every inch of her beingness. Because Blake had told her there wasn't a Santa. Blake, her dear boy whom she loved best in the whole world, had told her there was no Santa, just some old schmuck from the Eagles where her father played pinochle all day. Told her to look him right in the eye and ask him if he wasn't Tom Pearson or John LeMay. Blake told her to stop being a baby. There wasn't a Santa who would ever give her anything that cost more than $25.

So, she stood there, white-knuckled, and watched her hand turn purple as it clutched the door knob. She wiped the snot from her lip with her free hand, rubbed it on the tail of her flannel jacket, and turned the knob....

It doesn't matter what He said.

(Luckily it was Billy McFlarety, the "Irish Poet", the guys at The Bar called him, who was wearing the Santa Claus Suit on that Tuesday at 4:48 pm and not old Roscoe Moyer, who was due in at 5. For decades afterwards, not a December passed without a thoroughly maudlin Billy McFlarety spinning the yarn of the Poor Little Princess From The Santa Claus Haus. By the turn of the century, it was a local fairy tale- but by then, so was Penelope.....)

It only matters that seventeen minutes later she stood on the porch of the Santa Claus Haus, licking the sugar Santa-face off the absolutely delicious lollipop that all the children got from Santa. (the boys making it a game to see who could collect the most before being barred from trying....)

It only matters that when she walked back out of the plywood door and into the dark but tree-lit street outside, she Believed. She knew in her heart of hearts that she would someday have the very life she had wished for. That she would have the beautiful life she believed she would have.

She just had to get through the one she had now. And there was some good in it. Santa had shown her that! Had told her that he wanted not to hear what she wanted but what she already Had that was good. And it worked! Like a dam broken, it all gushed out. And she saw a tear roll down Santa's cheek as she told him all the tiny, vast wonders and beauty in her life. (and just barely missed his beard shift when his white-gloved hand went to wipe it away....)

And he called her Beautiful! Santa said she was by far The Most Beautiful Girl In The Whole Town, because she had the most love in her heart!

And he said that even if he only brought her Things every year, that it was just a signal to remind her that she could have any Thing she wanted if she believed enough. And that even if life got hard and she felt all alone, He would Always be there in her heart reminding her how good this felt to list what she already had that was good and to not want Things just because other people had them.

And that someday she would be the Queen of her life, just like she wanted. He Promised her that!

So she walked the cold, grey, concrete walk home, but she didn't see it. The Spell was broken! She was free as a bird! She thought to herself that she would go home and start making presents to leave anonymously at the Old Folk's Home like she did every year. It was getting close to Christmas, after all. She didn't have much time.

And she couldn't wait to call up old Blake and tell him that there most certainly WAS a Santa Claus, that he absolutely was in the Santa Claus house in Marseilles, and that he told her that she would definitely be a Queen someday!

Twenty years later, Penelope Fairheardt, noted millionaire children's author of a series of books about a little girl from a small town in Ohio who becomes the first Queen of the United States, and changes it into a fairy land of happiness of sorts, received an epidural while in labor with her first child. At the instant the doctor pierced her nervous system, Penelope had a flash memory of the Santa Claus Haus in downtown Marseilles.

She was overcome with a deep feeling of well-being. In between contractions, she asked her husband, Blake, if he remembered the day she had called him up and told him in no uncertain terms that there WAS a Santa Claus and that Blake would marry her someday and that they would be richer than anyone in that nasty little town ever would be. He smiled wistfully and said, "Of course...." Three hours later, their son was born. Instead of naming him Duncan, like they had planned, they named him Claus.

Three Saturdays before Claus' first Christmas, famous author and apple of the eye of Marseilles, Ohio, Penelope Fairheardt stood on the steps of the brand new, permanent Santa Claus Haus on Fountain Square and as she cut the candy cane ribbon, she looked out into the adoring crowd of her former horrifying townspeople and exclaimed, "Each of you are The Most Beautiful Children In This Whole Town because you all have so much love in your hearts!"

And in that moment, so much love radiated back to her from the crowd that she felt like she was the Queen of Marseilles and the Queen of Christmas and she knew that she would never be cold or lonely again.

WELCOME!

2010-11-11T14:00:00.002-05:00

WELCOME those of you who are coming over from Unassisted Childbirth....I thought I would put up a quick post to greet you. I have been VERY slack with my blog this year. It is what fell by the wayside when I began college.... I HOPE to begin again soon....We have our Advent/Solstice/Yule season coming up here in the Moonstone Home.... Lots to share.

But, Until then, do please enjoy the archives, if you'd like. Make yourself at Home here. Don't hesitate to comment and share. That would be great!

Thanks again for visiting.

Namaste.

2010-10-10T23:03:00.003-04:00

GAY RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS
CIVIL MARRIAGES ARE CIVIL RIGHTS
LIBERTY + JUSTICE FOR ALL!
NATIONAL COMING OUT FOR EQUALITY DAY
OCTOBER 11,2010

My First College Creative Writing Paper

2010-09-08T10:11:00.003-04:00

For our first assignment, our teacher told us to "Write about a disaster you had in a kitchen"....I gasped. Here's what I came up with....

************************************************************************************
The acid she that she always took did not really make the world technicolor and swirly and disorienting. It seemed to darken the world and leave it with a pallor not unlike the Dickens she loved to read. In the heat of summer one could harken back to Woodstock and Song of Solomon and countless other verdant rainbow-sensual cultural memories and enjoy one's trip more. Mushrooms were best in spring and most wonderful to ingest in autumn, and weed was the same all year long, with the odd more-fun or less-fun intensity.

But this was the winter of her Discontent and this was the deep-freeze of Rock Bottom. And on this Winter Solstice, there would be nothing more brilliant to gluttonously digest than acid, bourbon and coke---the brown cola kind not the powder. She was not stupid- just addicted. Acid-Bourbon-Coke, her ABC's in those days, her food and drink, her destructive succor.

It was a night of driving around just being high as a kite on top of being drunk as a skunk. Not that she drove. That would imply that she were responsible enough to do so. She most certainly wasn't. She merely rode, and from the middle backseat position, spoke through the rear-view mirror to the driver, her Lover, and side to side at the teenage boy and girl she was taking turns making out with. The girl riding shotgun hated her guts. She was trying to woo The Lover, the soulmate, a vain attempt to take something away from Her. But how does one steal from a supernova or usurp a deity?

And in the backseat she spoke on like a Buddha, a burning bush, a prophet, a wildwoman. It doesn't matter to remember now what she said, and all she can remember of it is that it was the last time she ever said any of it. That whatever it was, it was the end of everything, and it didn't seem like it at all.

It was the end of the world and she didn't know it yet. As Someone's Mom's Buick wound its way hundreds of miles in the December darkness, she was having the kind of trip that brought to mind wooly mammoths, blankets laced with smallpox, and rust. Columbus, Cincinatti, Indianapolis were just pins in some cosmic map, She wasn't really There- in all three cities and then Home in one night.

Solstice Raves. Eschewing Christmas and all other notions of Holiday Cheer for drugs and lights and loud techno music. She wonders now what would've become of all of them if She'd been left to her own devices. If what had happened never happened. It was three days before Christmas and she hadn't bought a single gift for anyone else yet. Had no plans to. Too stoned. Too wasted. She was always too much of everything negative.

It was the last night She believed in God, but she didn't know that yet either. Didn't know that every molecule in her beingness was about to be involuntarily blown into the chaos sphere.

They drove the back way into town that morning. Is 4:00am night or morning? On that Solstice night- the longest and deepest and darkest, it certainly felt like night. The sky was an indigo bordering on violet.

They passed a cop sitting on the side of the road in his car, the windows steamed up. Nothing like a carload of acid freaks passing a sitting cop to inspire fear and paranoia and also biting humor. "He's probably asleep." Someone said... "Maybe he's dead" ha.ha. She would get quite intimate with that policeman before the sun came up, but he did not know that yet.

For now there was no thought but the acid, the trip, the anticipated bacchanalia with the two teenagers, and the entire universe that existed in their four psychadelic heads. The car door sounds were both loud in the stillness and muffled by the snow as they got out of the car. Passenger seat girl had been ditched two cities ago, It was just the four of them arm in arm.

The cold was like fiberglass, biting and alive. She thought of Jack Frost blowing shards of splintered ice across the surface of her skin, of her face. The cold was preternatural. It existed seemingly for reasons beyond December. She didn't know that yet, but She could sense it.

Rushing the teenagers around the house with a cursory "Shush!" and a warning not to wake up her father, she stopped, pulled The Lover to her and looked at his face as if to memorize it. (She did this often)

"I feel like I will never see you again for some reason" She said. "I am having a pretty bad trip."

He kissed her eyebrow. "There was a snowflake there. I kissed it." He said.

She watched the corner of his mouth turn up and his dimple pop in, like she'd done a million times, but this time it seemed more precious than ever before. He urged her to relax and pulled her hand to lead her to the side door of her little basement hideaway under her father's house. The light shone on the walkway from the kitchen window.

"Shit! My dad is up! I hate seeing him when I am like this. It makes me feel guilty and he looks like a bear and it bothers me!" She opines. She pauses at the door.

"Let's go downstairs. If he calls down, he calls down. If he doesn't, you're good" The Lover implores, longingly looking into the basement window, eager to get to The Teenagers and then to sleep.

"I gotta piss. I am gonna have to go up there anyway." She says, letting him in. She notices little clumps of snow on the stairs where his feet have been. She tries for composure. Fails. She has always been her father's favorite, the princess. But in her current state, she doubts she can pull that off. So she tousles her hair and decides to go with the old "Fell asleep at my friend's house" routine.

She wouldn't need her excuses. Her father wouldn't ask for an alibi. For the rest of her life she would feel her hand around the doorknob turning it, could stay in the next five seconds forever. And a part of her did. Does. Is.

There was only one sound above the muffled giggles and coos of the three downstairs in the candlelight.... the refrigerator humming. Three clomps of her own feet at the stairs leading up to the kitchen. Then that doorknob and the sound of every latch and spring and hinge in the door giving way and opening.

"Hey daaaaaa....." Silence. The most silent silence imaginable.

One would think that an experience like that would be etched in her memory. But to think that would be to severely underestimate the chemicals, both natural and manufactured, that pulsed through her heart and bloodstream, the chaos and shock that fired and misfired the neurons in her brain.

She saw it all in completeness but could only think of a few words at a time.

Dead. Black face. On the floor. Left arm bracing, broken, crooked, pained expression, boxer shorts, excrement, Death.

She screamed and looked around the room for The Reaper. But he was gone. Like Santa Claus is gone on Christmas Morning.

Her body went through several superstitious self defense mechanisms at once, crossing herself (though she wasn't catholic), spinning in circles three times, hiding her eyes from Death's stare, chanting, mumbling in tongues. If there had been ashes, she'd've piled them on her head. If there'd been sackcloth she'd've torn it.

Her screams brought The Teenagers. She didn't get them pushed back before The Girl saw everything. She expected hysteria, but The Girl was calm. The Boy threw up. She could hear him outside in the snow. The wind rushed in, but she was numb. She told them to go. To get coffee or something and wait until it was safe to go home. She never saw either of them again. What they thought of those three minutes, she would never know.

She garnered the courage to poke him in the arm a bit. Cold. There was never any doubt whatsoever.

Her Girl Scout babysitting class training kicked in. "When witnessing an emergency, always note the time and as many details as you can before immediately alerting the Authorities...."

4:16 am. I am stoned. I am stoned. I am tripping balls and my father is dead on the kitchen floor. Those were the details.

As for calling the Authorities, that just couldn't happen anytime soon. She'd call her mother first. She would call anyone to take this away from her.

The numbers swam on the telephone, twisted and writhed and changed shape. Her mother did not answer. Four siblings- all unreachable on this one morning. She sat alone at the kitchen table. Completely aware of her aloneness. Completely aware of Mortality and Immortalilty.

She looked out the window. The sky was denim with white rhinestones. The cosmos was right up there, and now so was her father. She made out Taurus. How fitting. She and her father were taurus. One day before the day of her birth her father had turned 40. Now they'd be 59 and 19 forever, she guessed.

The thought crossed her mind that the first people ever on earth saw the same stars and that maybe there was only one day and one night and that it was our perception of Time that made them Different. Adam and Eve and Cain and Abel....

And then, Paranoia. How did he die? Murder?! Nothing made sense. Redial. Please please, mommy, pick up. Somebody help me. Somebody please help me!

She must've been saying this aloud and loudly, for The Lover apeared in her vision.

"Oh, shit! Oh god! What??!" He cried out, rushing to her on his knees, grabbing her hands and placing them on his face. She wanted to dive into his body somehow, to become him and escape her life. Escape all of this. They didn't speak. She didn't cry. She told him he'd better go. She had to call the police. If her mom didn't answer she'd call 9-11 next. She had no other choice.

He relented reluctantly. He went downstairs. Got his coat, his scarf, glove, boots. She watched the yellow stitchings as he laced them up and tied them. British boots. They'd been going to go to England. Would they now? His scarf was damp on her cheek as he held her again. She would feel his gloved finger on her ear for the rest of her life. He told her not to call the police if she didn't have to. He told her to come over later. He told her goodbye. Three clomps, door springs, goodbye.

Alone. Like stone. Like the ocean is alone. In a tomb. His denture cup was lying by the sink. He'd been getting ready for bed. Hours. For hours he'd laid there. What was she to do? Her family was all unreachable. Was it the end of the world?

9-11. 9-11. 9-11. Just dial it. She lit a cigarette and walked through the house looking for what?

The television was on. It was playing the 24 hour weather and local information channel. Green. Blue. Red. White letters. Musak. 11 degrees. 5:07 am. Mom's library card number. Where is my mother? Where is my father? Is my mother dead too?

Dialing again, she found herself standing in her father's bedroom, staring into the mirror. No answer. Ringing. Ringing. Ringing. It sounded like locusts. There was a cigarette burn on the cuff of her grey wool sweater.

Her eyes fell on her father's wallet. She opened it. License, various cards all with his name emblazened on them, reminding her that he would never be using them again. And twenty-eight dollars. She took the twenty and the three and left the five. Who knew when she would ever get any money ever again. It was a good thing she took it. It was her inheritence. It was all she ever got.

It bought her a carton of cigarettes, some clearance christmas candy, and a bottle of laundry detergent to take to rehab a week later, after a violent, acid laced confrontation with the girl in the front seat led to the police giving her mother the ultimatum of rehab or jail in the emergency room at 2 am, when they'd buried her father that morning.

She dialed one more time. Something had to be done. The locusts again. Grasshoppers. Plagues. Ringing forever.

She hung up the phone, tried to compose herself, failed again, but a tad more successfully this time. She brushed her teeth, lit another cigarette, stood looking down on her dear, dead father, said under her breath, "I'm sorry, Daddy...." and dialed 9-11.

She just couldn't be alone anymore.

please take the time

2010-08-25T07:51:00.001-04:00

and share this around.....thank you.

pink witch

2010-07-11T19:14:00.002-04:00

Link to my new tumblr blog: pinkwitch

all things pink and purty....

http://pinkwitch.tumblr.com/

Into His Own Hands (paper I wrote about jonathan for class...my first college paper---personal interview essay

2010-07-09T08:44:00.002-04:00

Into His Own Hands

Before Jonathan Crummett and his wife ever met in person, they had spent
hours discussing the births and childhoods of the children they hoped to have together.
They chatted on the internet about what their babies would look like, speculated over the phone
as to what they would be named, how good the children would be at art, sports, games,
writing and speaking, the kinds of toys and clothes they would have, and a lot about how much their familywould be wildly in love with each other. Within three years, they had made those dreams into reality, andthey did it completely on their own terms, by their own wits and almost entirely by themselves.

In 2006-2007, approximately 50,000 babies in the United States were born
in the comfort of their own homes. Jonathan's son and daughter were two of
them. In fact, most babies in the history of the world have been born at home,
usually attended to by members of their own families. If you are over the age of
thirty in this country, it is likely that your own grandparents were born in their
parents' bedrooms in the homes where they spent their childhoods. It is probably
only your parents, aunts, uncles, and older siblings who were the first generation
to be born in a hospital. The trend away from homebirth has gone so far to the
unnatural side of the spectrum that in those same years, 2006-2007, one in three
babies (31.1%) born in the United States were delivered by Cesearean Section.

At first blush, Jonathan looks like any other 27 year old man, if not more
young-looking and perhaps with more of an artistic flair to his style, but you can tell by
sight that he is a very put-together guy. He has a wisdom in his demeanor
that belies his youthful appearance.He is a quiet man, yet gets very animated when
describing his passion for the process of unassisted homebirth and the spiritual
and even romantic effects it has had on himself and his family. He is quite
knowledgeable about birth in general, and is in his opinion more "gutsy than any
obstetrician in a hospital". He wasn't always that gutsy. Five years ago he was just a
21 year old guy from Texas who had moved to Colorado to live with a woman he
had fallen in love with over the Internet. Okay, perhaps that is not the example to
give to prove his lack of courage. But it is not too far-fetched to say that he knew
almost "nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies" before he found out he had one on the
way. In fact, he says that before he delivered his son, he had never even held a baby before!

He says that his and his wife's decision to homebirth was based on many
factors, but chiefly his wife's experience having her first child in hospital and his
myriad feelings about birth, having been born 3 1/2 months prematurely.

He isadamant when he says, "If we were going to have kids, it would be on our own
terms, meaning that we would have them alone. We were alright with that. We
had a freedom and independence to bring these babies into the world in the
calmest, most natural, positive way possible as opposed to in hospital, where a
doctor will cut your wife open whenever he chooses so he won't miss his 5 o'clock
tee-off or island vacation."

Insisting that they didn't take preparation lightly, he
explains that they read numerous books and websites, studying procedures and
watching homebirth videos. When he started looking into it, he realized that they
really weren't alone. "Many families were having their babies at
home all over the world and we wanted to be part of that." He says.

Under their own roof, just five months before their son was born, his wife's best friend and
her husband, who were housemates of the Crummett's at the time, had an
unattended homebirth, and that helped to really bolster Jonathan's confidence. The
other couple had had three prior homebirths and a hospital waterbirth with their
oldest child, so they were an invaluable resource of support, encouragement, and guidance.

He realizes that most people think that what he did is "weird" or "odd" or
even "dangerous". But he says, "I don't believe I did anything dangerous or
wrong. Actually I would say I did very little. Our daughter's birth was more
complicated, she was breech. I was terrified and it was hard to control my
emotions. But Steffani (his wife) was there to talk me back down and we worked
together, along with following along in a book, and everything had a happy
ending. Any doctor in a hospital would've cut my wife open before he did what I
did." In fact, he likes to joke that his father has been a paramedic for many years
and has never delivered a breech baby, but he has. He doesn't mean to be arrogant,
though, you can tell he has just been emboldened and encouraged by his own
experiences. He is fully aware that things could've gone wrong for them and that
things sometimes do go wrong at homebirths, but says that "things go wrong in
the hospital too, you just have to be mentally prepared for that. If there had been
any danger at all, we would've transported." Meaning they would've gone at that
point to the hospital, which was just blocks away during their daughter's breech
birth.

He is very fretful when discussing the things that go on in a hospital birth.
When asked about what he thinks are other people's perceptions about homebirth
when they have only had hospital births, he says, " It depends. If I am talking to a
woman who has had a baby in the hospital, the first thing they think about is their
fear and pain, that is not so with my wife. So I just ask the women what they
expected when they approved drugs that were put in their bodies to forcefully
contract their womb then drugs that were put in their spines to paralyze them
from the waist down and completely impede and stop their body's natural
process and power of pushing your baby out with your own strength. It's then that
the doctor starts cutting episiotomies and pulls out the clamps and vacuums to pry
the baby out and cause incredible trauma to both the mother and babies."

He has very strong words about drugs that are used in birth. He feels that pitocin is a
completely overused, even abused time saver and convienience mechanism for
both parents and doctors. His aggravation shows when he says "Your doctor has
babies to pull out all day, he's not going to wait for you to have the baby naturally.
You will get pitocin and when that doesn't work fast enough, he will find some
reason or another to cut the baby out."

As for what he discusses with fathers, he says that it's not really something that men will talk much about at all, but if he does get to tell a man about his experience, he just tries to empower them to want to be as much of a part of their child's birth as possible and the reasons he feels that way. He tells them that they could deliver their babies easily, although he feels
that most men would be so terrified they wouldn't be able to come close to doing
it, while at the same time saying that he doubts most men are even aware that
homebirth is a possibility unless they know someone who has done it. "I tell them
that it is not difficult, it is not impossible, it is not necessary to give your power
over to a doctor unless there are major complications, and that the bond that is
created between you and your child and your wife is so much more incredible than
what you would miss out on in a hospital."

And what exactly does he mean when he talks about the effects of
homebirth on their family? "To know your children from the moment they were
born into your own hands has no greater bond. It is as natural as every other
animal in nature. Imagine what would happen if a tigress were to give birth and
have her cub ripped away from her for apgar scores, PKU tests and vaccines!"
He says it brought he and his wife incredibly close as a couple. He feels that
having the babies alone together sealed a contract on their relationship. Creating
the babies together, birthing them together, and living together is what makes their
life good. He fully believes that most other couples would be fortunate to
have as entwined a connection as he and his wife have, because of what they have
done in birthing their children together. He had thought before the babies were
born that he and his wife could not have been any closer than they'd been, but that
they became even closer and there is an intimacy with their relationship
because of what they have been through that many couples miss out on, especially
in the parenting of their children.

While discussing what the actual birthing experiences were like, one of the
things that is striking is that he remembers every single minute of them, even after
years have gone by. He says that his first birth was the "Unsure of Myself" birth.
He had no idea at all what was going to happen, but says he prepared for the
Worst and hoped for the Best. It was his wife's first homebirth too, so though she
had had a baby before, it was totally different for her too. They would be doing
this together. He says that one of the most memorable moments of his son's birth
was that his wife described her contractions like a ball of energy, like the sun, that
would get bright and hot at the peak of the contraction and then cool down. That
helped him know what she was going through and the degree to which she was in
pain. He said that the labor wasn't too long, from about 5 in the morning until his
son was born at 9:49 in the morning. During the actual moment of birth, he says,
he was just amazed at the natural process of it and that then, in what seemed like a
minute, he was holding his baby boy. He said he had never been happier or more
relieved in his life.

Their daughter's birth, just over a year later, was "The Scary One", but it was
the one with the happiest ending. For the most part, he felt far more confident that
he knew what he was doing because he had done it before. Then, at the height of
labor, when things were ready to happen, he saw traces of meconium (a black tar
like substance that usually indicates distress) and got scared fast. He consulted
with a few books and "they all said Meconium equals breech ". His wife had gone
into the bathroom to get a towel, and said that the baby was coming. He looked
down and saw a foot! He says "at that moment I freaked out completely!" His
wife, though, was calm and cool and he says she is the one that soothed him back
to reality. He knew what he had to do because of his reading books and being
prepared, and then he says, "just like magic I had my baby girl in my arms this
time! There is no other special transcendent feeling like that. It was worth it all,
to have a homebirth, even with the complication, maybe especially with the
complication, and know that everything will still be alright in the end."

There is a phrase that gets bandied about in homebirth circles and that is,
"We didn't need a doctor to get the baby in, and we didn't need a doctor to get a
baby out!" That is elevated even further in unassisted homebirth. Jonathan
Crummett and his wife created their children, just the two of them, intimately, and
that is the way they brought them into the world. He says that they knew long
before the babies were born that they would have "magical babies and magical births" and
now that they have, he considers himself a much stronger man and father and
husband, having taken matters, and his babies, into his own hands.

what fred saw...what fred made

2010-06-27T10:54:00.003-04:00

Grandma Mae gifted our family with a subscription to Family Fun Magazine. We all love it, but in the past week, Fred has discovered it and run with it. On our to-make list are "neapolitan icecream cakes" from a recipe he found. mmmm.

Yesterday, he found this picture in the magazine and became convinced he could make it. (He is four years old)

Today here is his Robot Picnic.

All I did was show him where the cans were, get the paint down, and work the oven for the cookie baking. He did all the rest. (He is four years old)

2010-06-16T22:33:00.001-04:00

There are two ways of spreading light; to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. ~Edith Wharton

summer lovin...

2010-05-28T17:10:00.002-04:00

It is summertime here at Casa De Moonstone....(not officially till Midsummer--june 21st...but 80 degrees and higer equals summer)...

Time for lots of fun things planned....

Second Annual Moonstone Memory Day

Vacations (to Texas AND Colorado)...

The First Annual Moonstone Summer Reading Contest...

Summer Reading at the Library...

Poultry Days Festival in Mama's hometown...

Streetfair Day in Yellow Springs....

Lotsa Birthdays...

Midsummer's Fairie Night....

Camping...

Fishing...

Swimming...

Picnics....

Hope to get to the lake this year...

Hiking the Woods at Nature Programs...

Bastian will be attending Harry Potter Camp....

Bastian also plans to start Football...

and we are starting the

Live Education Kindergarten Curriculum

Life is sooooooo good right now.

What are your summer plans???

happy mother's day

2010-05-09T11:33:00.004-04:00

to my mother....without whom i would not be here, nor be a millionth as interesting....

to my children....without whom i would not be a mother, nor be a millionth as wonderfull....

to their fathers....without whom i would not be a mother, nor be a millionth as womanly....

to all the mothers of the world....and those who aren't yet and won't be....

to all the ancestor mothers.......

happy mother's day to all the world.....

Arise!

2010-05-09T11:28:00.002-04:00

The "Mother's Day Proclamation" by Julia Ward Howe was one of the early calls to celebrate Mother's Day in the United States. Written in 1870, Howe's Mother's Day Proclamation was a pacifist reaction to the carnage of the American Civil War and the Franco-Prussian War. The Proclamation was tied to Howe's feminist belie...f that women had a responsibility to shape their societies at the political level.

Arise, then, women of this day!

Arise, all women who have hearts,
Whether our baptism be of water or of tears!

Say firmly:
">
Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause.
Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn
All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.
We, the women of one country, will be too tender of those of another country
To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."

From the bosom of the devastated Earth a voice goes up with our own.
It says: "Disarm! Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance of justice."
Blood does not wipe out dishonor, nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil at the summons of war,
Let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of counsel.

Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means
Whereby the great human family can live in peace,
Each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar,
But of God.

In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask
That a general congress of women without limit of nationality
May be appointed and held at someplace deemed most convenient
And at the earliest period consistent with its objects,
To promote the alliance of the different nationalities,
The amicable settlement of international questions,
The great and general interests of peace.

happy new year!

2010-05-08T17:23:00.002-04:00

it is my birthday today.

i promise to do (much) better this year.

at everything.

scenes from the morning...........

2010-04-08T15:41:00.003-04:00

bella played in the mud, then both the littles painted....fred painted a "train" (see it??! wow) and bella painted "yellow springs"

mama went to fred's preschool entrance interview/paperwork extravaganza

and ALSO filled out her FAFSA to FINALLY go to "big college"

bastian had a BIG bag of recycling to bring on the way home from school

(the school doesn't have recycling, so bastian collects recycling himself)

all in all a lovely day so far.

breathing new life into a doodle

2010-04-07T09:03:00.003-04:00

i took a doodle my husband did, and stitched it...it only took a day! i am VERY excited about this...

Jonathan's New JC Graphics Facebook Page:

http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=100000948852924&ref=nf

go ahead, make a friend of him, i don't mind :)

whoops.......i was gone

2010-03-02T13:59:00.002-05:00

i just drifted away, and was swimming in pools of money and feathering the nest.....

i will be back so very soon. i am now in the process (quite literally) of putting the eggshell back together again....

forgive me for not checking in sooner.....

been. so. very. busy.

it is all a good thing though, don't worry....

see you soon!

the great amazon binge of 2010....

2010-02-15T21:54:00.007-05:00

Backstory:
When first got sober, my first sponsor was just the sweetest girl. I went to her apartment once for Big Book lessons, and her bathroom had such NEAT bath stuff....Having recently been a homeless vagabond, something about that REALLY hardwired my brain differently and since then I have been kinda a NUT about bath and body stuff, and in extention "housecleaning supplies", as I have gotten older....

Well, I have always done Okay at keeping stocked up. But it Still frustrates the bejeepers outta me to have to buy chemical-ly stuff at the store and to take out of our food budget to buy house supplies and bath supplies. (And I dunno about you but the laundry soap aisle is KILLING me with its chemicals and its SPIKE in prices....I can stand there having existential dilemmas for tens of minutes!)

I have also gotten very picky in my older age and with my children....I hunger for more natural cleaning supplies and beauty products....soooooooo..... (funny story...once when bastian was little he cussed....i had no soap that was not as safe as food...ha!)

Soooooooo....when we were recently blessed with our tax return, i stocked the heck up....that is the best way i can put it.

I have debated whether to put it all here, because it feels "braggy"....but at the same time, I am resolute in sharing my life and "how i am doing all this".....so i will share now....it is not bragging to show what i have just purchased at probably a third less money than i would spend at the store this year...for about a dollar/day for the year...! And this is high quality stuff....I highly recommend any one thing....I have not tried the soap nuts, but have heard only WONDERFUL things about them. (soooo excited.... their website: http://maggiespureland.com/ )

look how yummy!....................

seventh generation wild orange and cedar spice

kitchen spray 6 pack

seventh generation lavender and mint spice

dish soap 6 pack

mrs. meyers clean day lemon verbena surface scrub 6 pack

mrs. meyers clean day lavender all purpose cleaner 6 pack

mrs meyers clean day geranium dish soap (yum) 6 pack

maggies soap nuts (200-400 loads!)

dr. bronners almond hemp soap....6 pack

burts bees carrot body lotion...for me........2 pack

bee and flower sandalwood soap........12 pack burt's bees baby bees buttermilk lotion.....for bella....2 pack

aura clove shampoo (what i used when i was a young adult...i have been CRAVING it since and just now got some...i hope it is as i remember it!)

toms of maine woodspice deoderant for bashie.....(yes, he is that age...i know)

toms of maine peppermint toothpaste....... 6 boxes

toms of maine apricot deoderant...for me....6 pack....(best smell ever)

dr bronners lavender soap.....6 pack...

so, as you can see...lovelies! and i am VERY excited! VERY....

tomorrow i will blog "the stuff that isn't books" and "the books"...
and through the next week or so, will be going around taking pictures of some of the other stuff we have acquired.... :)

life is good....and if it is just my taurean attachment to material possessions, then so be it! :)

Snowy morning craft....(one small change) cloth napkins and kiddie tablecloths

2010-02-10T11:32:00.006-05:00

Have had this children's fabric for quite a while (thought it was going to be curtains...still might someday)...Decided to use it to make tablecloths for the little kiddie table. Gorgeous.

Bought an 80c remnant yesterday and it turned into cloth napkins, which will count as my One Small Change for this month. yay. win win. There are eight of them, so a dime a piece. I will let you know when they are worn out (for a dime!)....Please don't buy paper napkins.

bibs for my neicephew (dunno)

2010-02-07T21:04:00.006-05:00

My brother is expecting a baby with his girlfriend. I have received an invitation to the shower, which will take place at the end of this month. I have had quilt pieces cut for several months, but decided I wanted to do more, so I am going to learn how to make little wool felt shoes, and between yesterday and today I made these bibs. they are "Day of the Week Bibs"...The idea came straight out of my head. And here they are. Very vintage, Very unisex, and in my opinion, Very Lovely. Enjoy!

I still have to do one for Saturday yet. Which is your favorite?

bodhisattva...to noone in particular (really. any similarities real or imagined are mere coincidence)

2010-02-01T14:14:00.002-05:00

To those of you who are "truly" "happy"-that is just great.

Oh, please- do enjoy it.

Your happiness is being slaved for by others.

While you profess mid-to-upper and hell, even lower middleclass (and even lower! upper to middle white trash....)American bliss and togetherness...

A Child not much older or even younger than yours is slaving (literally) behind a deadly machine and an even deadlier dictatorship somewhere (everywhere) creating your expensive "jogging" shoes. (when IS the last time you went for a good jog? If not-why are you wearing slave-made jogging shoes? Ever ask yourself that?)

While you drive your tens of thousands of dollars "worth" of minivan around to this and that overpriced, watered-down version of an "art" (especially the martial ones, which harken back to our first idea, eh?) or "dance" (all our little girls are gonna end up ballerinas, aren't they?? Those body image issues and inferiority and failure and feminine issues aren't going to haunt them for the rest of their lives...don't worry!) or "sport" (yep. all that life energy spent on "soccer" is gonna pay off someday! you just keep telling yourself that....) don't bother to think that the gas you are doing the driving with is bloodsoaked middle eastern life force energy of a cost you may NEVER understand. You may never choose to see pictures of dismembered toddlers and dead mothers.....who pay in their very lives for your mini-van (i call them "pumpkin eaters") gas....

While you drive your pumpkin eater around this great nation of ours-- the greatest nation on earth---this godfearing, male dominated, wonderland, the old US of A of USA! USA! USA, be sure to tune into your "local" Clear Channel station so that your neurons can twinkle around on a man-made space-time slinky between say 1973 and now and subliminal memories can travel left, right, back, forth, up, down and sideways while you drive.... confusing you by jumbling up all you were then and who you are pretending to be now.

Make sure to keep all that under a current of supposed positive and probably religious dogmatic self-correction!

Please be sure to support our Sponsors! That's the American Way! Be sure to Join the National Guard, Sell Your Gold!, Vote for depraved Criminal Egotists, Eat Shitfast "Food", watch american idol, and Do EVERYTHING else we tell you to do on top of all you are doing and not doing and your poor exhausted self who just doesn't have time to do (buy!) it all....

"What's that??!"

To the child in the backseat with the Hannah Montana Shirt, Backpack, Jeans and whatever-slavedover-shoes....One watching a Barbie Movie, one playing a video game, one in diapers...

"Mommy couldnt hear you! I was groovin' to Lady Gaga, texting, drinking expensive coffee, sexually fantasizing about Edward Cullen--- Let alone DRIVING you kids(!!) to SOCCER/BALLET/KARATE!!!! What do you WANT??!!"

(she snaps from under a head of kate gosselin hair, the cost to color it itself greater than some people's grocery budget...through the checking -her-makeup-in -the rearview mirror... to her learning-how-to-be-a-woman-someday daughter...she who is hooked up to an ipod, clutching an American Girl book and hundred dollar American Girl Doll"....

"Nuthin'!!! I was just gonna ask you what's ' Milking a cow'..." this future mother trails off...

All the while ,on the other side of the REAL world, a hundred thousand and more brown women are dying at this very moment, clutching malnourished, warworn or just hopelessworn dying brown babies---none of which even have water....

And so what?!

You simply MUST stop looking at the negative and focus on what is good in Your life and no matter what you do---KEEP ACCUMULATING tiny fragments of money and spending it on media and non-renewable resources to sell it all back to you and deplete the earth below your totally oblivious (and slave-shoe shod) feet.....

(to be continued....)

the three bears by river frederick jack aged 3

2010-01-24T19:21:00.001-05:00

middle sized mama bear.........wee little baby bear............... great big papa bear

it works if you work it....

2010-01-21T23:01:00.006-05:00

*art by bellaluna

Between xmas and new year (29 december) there was an "extra" payday last month. While out grocery shopping I ended up SPLURGING on a journal.

I fell in LOVE with it at first sight. The cover is fat (stuffed!) and a steffi-pink leatherette.

The size is not too small and not too big (it is just right...i would say approx the size of a composition book but phat)...

The lines on the pages are pink!

It cost $13.00!!!

yeek!

but i did it.

I am ever so glad i did.

I am learning so much about myself....

And really am keeping up better than I have for the past three years since before Fred was born, when i stopped TRYING to make LISTS...(that i NEVER accomplished)

i have had a BAD day today, as i didnt follow my book whatsoever. and i paid for it. and the house is wrecked right now.

tomorrow is another day.....

I "track" several things in my book, as you can see from the pictures.

First is the Date....you know how it is when you have no idea what even the date is...right?

Second is my Sleeptime...I have been keeping track of when i have slept and the total amount of hours. I have been having incredible caffeine and crafting (and i think generally manic) insomnia for months/year...Ever since I started back on the soda, at least....so, last June, I guess....I have never ever really relaxed enough to SLEEP worth a darn...I wish I could, but I don't...

Third is my MoodMinder....

When I was a kid in grammar school, my gym teacher, Mr Agne, had a Chart on the wall on a posterboard. It had a graph of each class and the dates through the halves of the year (and i am thinking maybe the whole year, anyone??)...In the boxes that were formed he had a rating system to show how we had behaved, or hadn't, using different colored foil stars...

Gold- Best behavior

Silver- Not the best but second best

Green-Just mediocre, not good not bad

Blue- Pretty bad, Needs MUCH improvement

Red-TROUBLE...VERY BAD

I have implemented this in my book as a way to mind my moods (bipo)...I have always wanted a way to do this tangibly in order to try to track my moods, whether by weather, environment, time of year, day of week, etc. to narrow down causes to my depressions and mania....

(as you can tell, today was a blue day)

There are a few things that simply MUST be done around here, for life to function at all well. These things are the DAILY (todo list)...

Most days I do not complete them all...

Leads to chaos and depression, very very quickly and thoroughly...

On the list are:

UP & Gorgeous (which is supposed to mean that I get up before everyone else and get dressed and ready for the day....this doesn't happen often, if ever. but hope springs eternal. And I am mentally preparing for spring when I plan to get up and do yoga & go running/walking before everyone wakes up...I somehow need a silent alarm clock that will only wake me up to do this....(and a hellofalot of gumption that i do not have yet)....

Wash & Dry Clothes... pretty self explanatory. But one of the things I am probably best at keeping up with is laundry (and trust me, i am not bragging, nor even very good at that) I find that if I do not do SOMETHING with the laundry every day, I am SCREWED. This is even moreso in the summer, when laundry sours when you leave it in.

Dishes...Most tedious, psycho "chore" on earth. Jonathan and i have a "thing" going where we take "turns" (he is more fastidious at this than i am, i love him)...You take your turn, if the next person doesn't then you just wait till they do...however long or short that is...I am falling very behind on this and jonathan is doing more than his turn this week, too kind.

Floors...Floors need done more around here. I am not there yet, either, but i can feel that when it does click, it will click. And now i have a vaccuum, so it is just a matter of time...

Order In The Middle...This is a really neat, important part of our day. I try very hard to get the house in order after lunch. This is the one that has been most important to me this month. It really does help and tie the day together and make it feel that something has been accomplished, even for a little while.

Lovely Dinner....We need a dining table that fits us all that we can eat around. I can't say much more than this on that one....I send wishes out each and every day/meal that this happens soon....

Beautiful @Bedtime... This is another that I really want to happen. It dawned on me today (through weeping and the gnashing of teeth and pulling of the covers overhead) that I cannot go much longer waking up to yesterday's mess. It is killing me. I have been a mother/housewife for well over 2000 days and am now ready willing and able to admit anything, as long as it starts to get stuff done around here. Beautiful at bedtime is a calm, quiet, orderly, softly lit Home with squeaky clean, fullbellied, happy-sleepy children and parents...Todays work done, lessons learned, things put to rest, worries addressed, stories told....Lovies, cuddles, and sweetness in a cocoon of comfort.... I want that more than anything else on earth. When I get down to it, this will be the cornerstone of our experience. Even at 20 days into this, I know that is the most important, most hungered for thing on the list....

Tomorrow Today...This was born out of the cold snap we recently had. The clothes in the backroom were FREEZING....So, I began setting out pajamas at dinner and everyone's clothes for the next day by the heater in the common room. It worked out really well. There is a little "cubby" in this very desk that I will be using for this in the spring. Tomorrow today is also means that bastian's school-life is takencareof for the day and anticipated for tomorrow/the rest of the week, etc. I am going to start packing his lunches again soon, so i suppose that will be included in the round... This is also the entry that covers My own preparations for the day ahead. It is when I check My Book one last time for the night and move the pretty pink ribbon to the next day...Notating successes and failures on the opposite/journal page and anticipating what will get accomplished tomorrow...What improvements will be made and what steps will be taken to bring us closer and closer to a contented life....

I also Write in what is on the menu for dinner. This eases my mind in several ways. I HATE having to THINK about dinner, let alone WORRY about not having enough, etc. This entry is VERY comforting to me...

I also draw Four hearts in a row somewhere on the day's page... The Hearts have letters in them JSRB...with those i check to make sure that i have told each of my loveys that I love them and spent special, snugglygood, nice time with each of them individually at some point during the day.

Things I hope to Track as the year progresses: *Water Intake *Money Spent * Excersize taken * Net Time *Good Deeds *Gardening *Reading Time/books and possibly some sort of "reward system" for days I feel accomplished...that would be NICE...

Now, bear in mind that I am failing at this far more than i am succeeding....But i am succeeding MUCH more than i ever have in the past, especially these flybytheseatofmyass years where i have done little to NO planning nor tangibly existing in reality very well...

And I am by NO MEANS BRAGGING. you gotta believe me...Submitted for your perusal, a couple of pictures of the common room as it stands right now at 11:52 pm on thursday...
We took the day OFF today. Today sucked big time. I will be noting THAT weeping sorrowful self-hatred-pity party in The Book, never you fear.

I love the book...The Book is acting as an external tangible memory space. Saying "Second Brain" would not be overdramatic....

How do you keep it together??? Please, do tell.....

PS And now here is the common room at 12:21 am...(whitetrash perfectionism FTW)

bastian's trip to the lego store

2010-01-17T16:14:00.007-05:00

Friday night, we had a sleepover party for Sebastian's birthday (which was last week). Two friends stayed overnight and a cousin visited for a few hours in the evening. It was a lovely time. The boys played lots of Guitar Hero, had pizza for supper, cake and icecream, an hilarious toast (to Sebastian's 21st birthday) of sparkling grape juice and watched a couple movies (Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull and Star Wars Revenge of the Sith...which Bastian chose at the library for *free*yay!)

Last I heard they were making jokes about Uranus and giggling and reports have come in that they stayed up until 3 am. (And that none of them are yet interested in girls, so they say...)

After the friends went home yesterday, Bastian and I left for our excursion to the Lego Store in Cincinnati. Though we had Googled and anticipated this trip for well over a month, I got us HORRIBLY lost on the way there AND on the way home. But other than the (wretched) driving experience, which in the end was ok, I guess, because we got to spend quality time alone together, it was a lovely time. It was nice to see Sebastian so happy.

(There was also the horrendous experience of the SHOPPERS and the oozing WEALTH and the drone of CONSUMERISM that stank to high heaven of perfume...but I have sworn to process that offline...if I have the time to get to it...)

Here are some pictures of my gorgeous eleven (!)year old son and one of the best days of his life so far....

He got his birthday money converted to One Dollar bills... that was fun! :)

he first spots the legologo off in the distance....

I wish I could always make him as happy as he was in this moment.....

It was all worth it for this bliss....

fixed table & chairs

2010-01-15T12:56:00.003-05:00

My mother gave bella a little table and chair set for her birthday last year. It is a Disney Princesses set. I abhor the disney princesses for some reason...SO.....i finally got the gumption up to change them and now they feel lovely.....

Play Doh Day!

2010-01-12T17:08:00.005-05:00

Santa brought Fred some playdoh in his stocking. So on Sunday we decided to get some out and play (earlier that morning while Momma slept in, Dada and Fred made pumpkins, and the demand was great by midday...) It was fun. There is a big ball of whositwhatsit playdoh in the fridge, but it has always been a mommy fantasy of mine to MAKE playdoh....(if homemade playdoh recipes were dollars.....) So, now maybe I am motivated enough to do it soon...

Big Brother shows the Littles the what-for :)

He made these really neat swirly colors.....

Fred had a great time.....
(she stood on the sidelines and bossed us all...and I

love the sun in this....)
One of Bastian's swirly combinations.... coolness

typical! haha.

fabric buy 1-12-10....

2010-01-12T16:57:00.004-05:00

I needed the fabric for my sister's birthday quilt....and needed to feed the jones....Thatonemart had beautiful bolts of delicately flowered fabrics for $1.50/yard. So I got $16.50 worth...as it should be.... :) I will be using the spare (i hope!) to make Bella's summer shifts and bloomers! (and I will be going back for more...)

And here is the fabric for the quilts (the green/tan) and the backing will be the purple-ish flowers..... And a yard of brown flannel with orangeish flowers I got for a pair of pants for bella....

thriftin' 1-12-10

2010-01-12T16:02:00.004-05:00

I have decided that this year i will share my finds when i find them...kind of an accountability thing or something (and yes, i have every receipt and have used ZERO plastic bags this year, so far--yay me!)

I went to Goodwill today, looking for baskets for toys and some "loungier" clothes, because none of my clothes seem comforting lately....(i am BALLOONING...that is not an exaggeration)

i got those things and a few extra beauties.... (the tarot cards,jonathan picked FOR ME)....

VCR tapes for the Littles @ 99cents each...

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

Pinnochio

and a neato Eric Carle tape with several books in one...

An Oldfashioned-er Tarot deck that Jonathan

thought I need .... :)
($3.49...a SPLURGE)

I now drink the coffee sometimes, and wanted

these lime green cups when i saw them...

(59c each)

This appealed to my "yuppie intellectual something

or Other"........... $2.69

The back says "Greenwich Community College"

(kind of a fake-it-till-ya-make-it sorta deal)

Three more toy baskets....

($1.49/2 and $2.99 for the third)

New "My Favorite Pants I Ever Bought"
New Nightgown. Indian Linen.
These gloves are very very soft and they cover all the
way up past the old wrists :) (99c)

So, all in all, enough to feed the jones, and I got what I intended, brought home the receipt and put all the stuff in the big basket, so no bags! yay! :)

sebastian roger

2010-01-11T13:59:00.001-05:00

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

river frederick jack

2010-01-11T10:08:00.001-05:00

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

bellaluna evalina

2010-01-10T23:05:00.001-05:00

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

we did it!

2010-01-10T11:13:00.003-05:00

Took the littles outside yesterday for their first time playing in the snow. It was really neat and I am glad We did it. It took five layers for each (or so---hey mommas! footie pajamas with socks under them double as long johns! yay!) but I overcame my fears of pneumonia or consumption, or other LittleHouse On The Prairie-type disorders, and bundled them up and we went.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Fred made snow fairies, Bella had the time of her life, Fred threw many snowballs at me, and I ended up wishing that someday they can have indoor "snow parks" like there are now indoor water-parks :)

i am not going to blow smoke up your ass.....

2010-01-10T10:49:00.002-05:00

I have been thinking a LOT about the glaring imperfections in my environment and it is driving me bonkers.
When a girl juxtaposes the glaring imperfections of her reality against the harshly brilliant perfections of her dreamlife, it ain't purty....When this has been going on in a loop for thirty-odd years it begins to become a mental illness...or rather than "Begins" I would say "continues to build with intermittent psychologically uncomfortable episodes".....

I cannot compete with others, because since I have such low/skewed sense of self, I will always always lose....You could stack me up against the meanest of the mean, cruelest of the cruel, most homicidal person who ever lived...and I would say, "At least Hitler TRIED to go to art school...." or "That serial killer on the news at least isn't obese"....

Had a dream last night that the pipes burst. Not too farfetched, actually...If they don't get a thaw-day soon, they just might. Despite my best intentions, and dripping water, and running electric heaters I can't fathom paying the bills for, but will be paying the bills for till June, more than likely....

Anyhoo....In my dream, when the pipes burst, I lived with the family I have now, in the apartment house we left a year and a half ago, with the landlord I had before three of the five of them were even in my life, and neighbors who attended church with me when I was a child....

In the dream, the bursting of the pipes threw me into hysterics, (the likes of which I don't really have anymore---haven't had since the night i had to "Talk myself into" taking Sebastian to the hospital the night his dad died and it took both my mother and my best friend to "talk me into" going--against protestations raised to the heights of the galaxy and down to the burning heaving core of the Earth itself...)

So, I had the hysterics, about the pipes bursting (my biggest fear in this house is the laundry bursting in the back room, which doubles as the "storage room" even though i have had the foresight to put things for the very most part in rubbermaid containers...) and this is where things get really weird.....

People (From my church when I was a child and my children and husband) watched with the same incredulousness and disgust/pity as people have always had when I have had hysterics (((in the past...i am telling you---the closest thing I get now is a dry-drunk type expletive-laden rant because I don't have a vaccuum cleaner (or a dishwasher) and won't have one until I (!) provide it for myself with money I (!) will never have that I (!) will spend on a vaccuum cleaning when I (!) should spend it on the necessities of life that come before vaccuum cleaners in priority which are multitudinous and which are driving Me (!) insane, but I guess no one else enough to get them FOR Me(!) or to help Me(!) get them....)))

and then I did the strangest, most un-Steffani-like thing imaginable...I said "Screw you guys! I am going running!" And I grabbed my pink nikes that i bought last birthday and scrambled them on, and put on my wristwatch, grabbed my mp3 player with the very broken (and not by me) headphones that I have had now for over 11 years...and said "If the landlord does call back," (do they ever answer?) "Foreward it to my cell. goodbye" And i ran away....just a bit away, and for fitness(mental AND physical), but ran, nonetheless....

I want to run.....

happy birthday, sebastian...

2010-01-08T11:58:00.002-05:00

Well, the year draws to a close and begins with this....as ever. As did my life, my youth, my rest of my life.....

Eleven years ago (give or take 10 1/2 months of pregnancy) I became a Mother. What more can be said? (all the words in the world couldn't say it...)

My dear, sweet, lovely, wonderful Sebastian. Who is now a young man....Who is on the precipice of the future. He wants to be a teacher when he grows up. He has already taught me most everything, so I know he can do it, if he chooses.....

The world's biggest heart. The young, broken, resilient heart....The big, meek, outspoken loveable kid.....The big brother I would've wanted....The son I am overly blessed to call mine....The grandson who brings such joy....The brother-protector and playmate....The scholar and wise little man....The pacifist, philosopher, debator, influencer, bookworm, prince....

I want to write his birth story, like I did the others. I will do my best to write it on paper, for him, in the next few days or so, as I have always planned to...But it is entirely too painful to share....To go INto.....

So I stay out here, where I can tell about the boy who is my dearest friend....The son I am maddeningly proud of.....The child who I hope I can succeed in grooming into proper manhood (whatever that will mean when he gets there)....The future father of my grandchildren (maybe...)....The future husband of my daughter in law (maybe).....The one that we all love so dearly.....

He was forced into the world, when he just wanted to stay curled up in his warm mother, and his warm mother I have ever aspired to be..... I have failed more than I have succeeded, in my mind...In his, I don't think I am much capable of failing...even after all of this....even after everything....The love that comes from that child and is gifted to me freely has sustained me through our darkest hours and our brightest moments....And I hope will forever and always....

To say that I love him is far too inadequate....To say that I am some of him, and that I could wish that there is Good in me that is close to being part of the good that is in him, that I honor what of him is me, that I will forever diligently nurture that within him that is his father, and that I hold utterly sacred that within him that is himself, would be far closer to the Truth....

FirstBorne Child....FirstLoved child....Our hopes and dreams are your legacy....You have already surpassed what my former ideas of goodness were, and continue to take my former ideas of greatness and wonder and fly them to the moon..........

Our souls are made of the same starstuff......and that makes me incredibly blissfull...

I love you and adore you and forever will....

Your Momma

bipolar

2010-01-08T11:53:00.005-05:00

just in case you ever wondered what it (sometimes) feels like..........

love and light and love and light.......

2010-01-07T00:52:00.003-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11XafpVJaLw

succinct. and terrifying. and true. and gutwrenching.

One Small Change For Moonstones...One giant Leap for moonstonekind....

2010-01-05T07:56:00.004-05:00

So, here we are! Out of the gate and rip roarin' into 2010 (i lie.....yesterday i was rather unable to move, i HOPE today is better...!)

My New Year's present from the Universe was that after months of searching for "Momma blogs" and "Hippie Momma blogs" and "Green Mama blogs" or "Earthy mama" blogs, i finally finally finally found the Motherlode. Quite Literally. I have GreenHippieEarthy Mamablogs to read till I am blue in the face. And this thrills me to no end!

As I was reading them and bookmarking them and feeling less and less alone in the world with each click, I kept finding that there was a common denominator. Lots of them were participating in a challenge set forth in a blog called "Hip Mountain Mama" (http://hipmountainmamablog.com/) The "challenge" (It really looks like a HOOT to me!) is being called One Small Change (http://hipmountainmamablog.com/one-small-change/)

The premise is that you (and your families) find one small change you can make for a month, each month until Earth Day in April. Each month you blog how the past month went and what you are doing next.

I have been contemplating this for four days now. It is really interesting how dichotomous I (we moonstones) are with our "Greenliness" :) We do far more than most people where we live-though I am always pleasantly surprised to see how many people in town do recycle, among other things. But at the moment we are doing much less than I would like.

So I am RIPE for small change! And without further ado--you know how I just LOVE ado....

The small change that we Moonstones will be making in January is to use our reusable shopping bags again. I have sort of fallen off the wagon for some reason. It is time that we get back on. The change i WANT to make is to use Oil Lamps at night. So I will update, maybe midmonth, if i can find one I would like to buy and get one/some. But for sure...NO MORE PLASTIC BAGS! EVER! :) (Especially since I now am sewing the great Paper, Plastic, or GORGEOUS bags...it only makes sense (feels like a whore in church....not that there is anything wrong with either of those things separately ;) )

From:

TO:

I know it is small, but I have big ideas for the other three months and I just wanna join in and be a part of this and do wonderful things with these beautiful mama's I have been reading about.

What will your small change be??? Leave it in the comments, and be sure to visit the site to learn more!

***Some Ideas off the HipMountainMama site are........*****(ones we moonstones already do are in GREEN :) )

Recycle, use cloth napkins, try cloth diapering, replace your bulbs with LED or CFL bulbs, turn off your lights, use natural cleaning products or make your own, drive your car less, buy a hybrid, turn your thermostat down, use the sun to warm your home through passive solar heat, bring your own bags to the store, install a low flow shower head, stop buying bottled water, unplug it, bring more plants into your home, always print double sided, when getting rid of things consider freecycle, craigslist or ebay (do not throw out as someone else is surely able to get some use out of it), support local farms and try to eat local, purchase wind power if it is available in your area, purchase products made with natural materials and that can be reused, purchase recycled paper products, use rags instead of paper towels to clean up messes, use reusable lunch sacks, buy organic, landscape responsibly by reducing the use of water needed, donate time and/or money to green efforts, elimate the use of toilet paper by using family cloths, don’t flush every time, put a brick or something heavy it he back of your toilet so it uses less water when flushed.

sooooooo excited! aren't you!??!

the faded glory of the goddess shall return....

2010-01-04T22:20:00.003-05:00

SPREAD THE WORD! visit the channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/cveitch

and the website.... www.cveitch.org

This was in my inbox on christmas eve morning. One of the best gifts I got....enjoy. Pass IT on..... :)

Text To Faded Glory Of The Goddess
I wish to begin with a poem I wrote in February 2004 after a close friend of mine came to me for help after she was sedated and violently raped after a late night ending of her shift at the bar where she worked. It was the bar manager, though this was never been proven in court. The man who did this walks free. I hope his spiritual awakening allows him to reconcile himself with what he has done. We have all done bad things, and we must forgive now, moving forward.

I want to read this poem out to show how easy it is to fall into feelings of rage, of retribution, of revenge. We are, after all, human, and when we see terrible things happen to those we love, we yearn for justice.

Dark February (Written 10th February, 2004)

Little sister now, but this I thought before,

You wouldn’t tell me why

Tears welled the lower lids,

But on a sofa

You broke down

And told me.

The rage is a pillaged village

The rage is hate

And the battalions storm Hell

To tear, kill, rip and annihilate.

I love you

Little sister.

Pale skin now peppered

You don’t remember how

This thing

This monster,

Came to cover you with darkest bruises.

I’ll hang him upside down,

Slit his throat,

Laughing, revenging, restoring

Just a little order, little sister.

Then you told me what you wanted to deny

What anyone would want to deny,

I sat trembling,

Dumbly held your hand,

And watched you cry.

The doctor said it’s true

This thing you thought he’d done to you

Was done.

The ticking slowed in time to my pupils

Widening with my sorrow,

I wish it wasn’t true today

But it’ll only fade tomorrow.

Men have gone to war over smaller matters

Tearing through battlefields with one small thought.

With you, my world has been moved a little out of touch,

And I remembered the father

That shot the man dead

Who’d plucked petals

Out from his daughter’s head.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I do not speak to all the people who are already awoken from the mass hypnosis of our programmed culture, I speak to the great number of people who still slumber on and feel that something is not quite right. Perhaps you are angry, perhaps you feel you have been dealt a bad hand in the game of life. I am here to tell you that you have been dealt an amazing hand. Why? Because you are alive and listening to this message which comes to you from the one great consciousness called reality.

We are faced around the world with a situation so subtle, so all-pervasive, and so monstrous that to even talk about it is difficult, because it is hard to pin down. I will try to be concise then, so that we do not waste time.

Like yourself, I was born into bondage on Planet Earth, I was numbered and registered upon my birth and put into the schooling system so that my mind and soul could be programmed to serve the society into which I was raised. Like yourself, I was not born into an indigenous tribe of free men and women, nor was was I trained spiritually to understand the issues at stake. I never had a rite of passage, nor an initiation ceremony, except being told that I was powerless and that I could serve the system by studying the writings of others who came before in order to get a good job and attain the material comforts that our society gives to those who serve the system well. Like you, I was angry, sometimes depressed, and horrified at the things fed to me by the newspapers and the television. Like many of you, I felt that human nature was sometimes violent and that without order we would collapse into a series of murderers and rapists because that, as we are told, is also inherent in our nature.

My dear brothers and sisters, human nature has been hijacked. We have allowed this to happen. Human beings do not wish harm to one another; we want to live in peace and look each other in the eye and whisper that we recognize the sanctity and dignity of the individual, and of the greater oneness. We are scared shells of what we could be, of what we once were. We have allowed the overall culture operating system to harness our energy, and we have built great things. We have built cities and works of art, we have a million forms of music to vibrate the soul, but we have also built the chains of our enslavement around the world and bought the great lie that humans are nasty, brutish, and savage creatures.

Nothing could be further from the truth. We are sacred and divine spirits in a 3 Dimensional body, and we are under the influence of good and bad forces. Every single time we say we are only doing our jobs when faced with a dilemma that takes us away from doing what is right, we allow the system-daemons to control us.

My name is Charlie Veitch and I am a revolutionary. This is an awkward label, because the word “revolution” carries the baggage of history with it, but I feel it is apt because I wish for a revolution, or better, an evolution of humanity so that we can remember our power and not succumb to the controllers who run this world for their gain, and not for ours.

A lot of you will know who I am because I have spent the whole summer and autumn of 2009 trying to inspire you and remind you of how amazing you are. I am doing what I know to be right, and as such, there are forces protecting me as I play out my destiny. This is why I am not dead, and why I am not in jail. I have called for armed revolution numerous times in my journey of spiritual awakening, and I humbly thank my close friends and the people who love me for guiding me in the right direction. I no longer call for armed revolution, because, rather embarrassingly, I now see that I was wrong to do this.

I know we can change the world peacefully, through unconditional love and forgiveness. This love has been shown to me, and I do my very best to shine it out of my soul with every waking moment of my temporary and exciting human life here on this world. I have conversed with people who are much more in tune with the spiritual world than I am, and they have seen my guardian spirits who watch over me, and these spirits will never leave me alone as long as I stick to helping others and do not succumb to the temptations of self-gratification, of the ego.

I now know why I was put here on this world, and it is simply to help you, and me, come to terms with the trick which has been pulled over our eyes. A few months ago, when the popularity of my work exploded worldwide, I sat down outside in rural France, looking up at the heavens, and I could see the milky way, I could see the beautiful nebulas of the universe watching over us, and I asked a question to the sky. I was answered immediately. There is not really a way I can explain to you what I felt, because it is personal to me. But I hope that through the work I do I can help you find out your purpose here as well.

I am only one man, but together with everyone else on planet Earth I am the most powerful force imaginable. Good people have always vastly outnumbered those who have allowed evil into their lives, for whatever reason. The current system rewards the greed and fear of the fevered egos and places them at the top of the hierarchy pyramids of control.

The time is now for there to no longer be a pyramid of control. We will work towards our freedom, without hurting anyone, but defending ourselves when we need to do so. The age old control structures are dissolving, and we can now gently nudge some humanity into the positions of illusory power. I say illusory power, because no-one has any authority over you. They never have, but in the corporate control grid we so easily assume the position of worker, and look out for ourselves.

If you see what I see, and understand that our time is now, I ask you to listen carefully to what I am about to say.
In one year and 9 months, on September the 11th 2011, the world will mark the ten year anniversary of the horrific terror our political leaders imposed on us. They sold us the massive fear of “terrorism”, so that our societies would keep our heads down and not question the control structure in place. We are social creatures, and social creatures do not question the control structure when it is under attack. We do this in times of peace. A never ending conveyor belt of fear is fed into our minds, be it communism, terrorism, the economy, or swine flu. We acquiesce our power so that we can be protected. Ergo, we place the collar over our own necks. This time has ended.

On August the 11th 2011, we will begin a one month campaign of non-compliance. Tens of millions of people around the world will simply not turn up for work. Soldiers will not report to barracks, finance men will not sit at desks in glass and metal cages…We will force the hand of the controllers, and expose their nudity, much in the manner of the story of the Emperor with no clothes. We will see them for what they are, frightened and controlled individuals, so far from what a human being could be, if given the chance.

At the end of this one month period, we will peacefully seize the capital of London, and I hope, of many countries around the world. We will take to the streets by the hundreds of thousands, we will have love in our hearts, we will be spiritually awake, and no longer scared. We will walk into Parliament, into Whitehall, and into Buckingham Palace, and the soldiers sent to drive us back will not open fire. They will see what we are doing, and they will be on the side of the people. The lies fed into their minds are dissolving, much like our fears are dissolving. We will occupy these buildings physically, spiritually, and symbolically. We will use the apparatus in place for improving the lot of people, and we will implement a new human constitution which aids the enlightenment and free will of all men and women, not only big business and career politicians. We will gently replace the class-structure with one which sees the individual as sacred. I will need the help of all of you, because I do not know how to write a constitution, nor do I know how to run a country.

I do not want to run a country. I do not want to have any power of anyone, for that is not my role. I do not want people to follow me either, because my whole message is about individuals being independent and connecting to the source of the universe through their own souls.

I believe that the feminine will play a major part in the evolution of mankind. The female, woman, and her spiritual power has long been suppressed. She has been raped and covered up, she has been sold as property, she has been tricked into bondage in the same way men have been with the false promise of equality in the workplace, so that her soul can be devoured by the corporate world as well. Children are brought up by television because their mother, the goddess figure, is too busy with her career.

If I have conversed with God, I know that she is mother nature, she is all kind, and she is all loving. I have felt this power through my own mother, and from the women I have met on my journey thus far. It is time for the female to return to prominence and to guide us back to the divine people we once were. It is no small matter that in indigenous cultures the female is respected as the spiritual connection to the Earth.

To all the Police and State Security people watching, we strongly advise you to consider who it is you are really working for. Are you working for a small band of thieves and murderers who run the political system, or do you work for mankind? Do you work for your children, and your children’s children? What kind of world are you helping create?

I know my plans for revolution will bring upon me great tests in the near future, but I am optimistic about the power of the human soul. I have felt with my heart the numerous times when the Police have understood what I am about and have treated me with the courtesy that we all deserve. When I look into their eyes I see the same thing I see when I look into my own eyes in the mirror. This is the connection.

I do not fear death, because I have lived and died before, and these matters are temporary, whereas my spirit is endless, and infinite, just like yours. I have felt love in countless ways, I have been given the honour of loving from the bottom of my heart. I have reconnected my lost soul to the source which we all have inside us. I have marvelled and wondered at the greatest joys and beauty of this world, and I have been given the chance to help out best I can. There is nothing more I want nor need, except the opportunity to keep on loving, which is its own reward.

Thank you for listening to me.
With affection,
Charlie

2010-01-01T13:45:00.003-05:00

I resolve to READ more this year.
Specifically, I am going to read
The Lord Of The Rings.
I am VERY excited about this.

i used to be younger.

2010-01-01T13:24:00.005-05:00

found a neat little tumblr page: http://iusedtobeyounger.com/page/1
this would be mine, at the moment....

I know exactly where we will be in two years on new years eve

2010-01-01T11:50:00.002-05:00

and i can barely wait! :)

first!

2010-01-01T09:23:00.004-05:00

it is my new year's quest! to become unjealous of what i wish to become, what i already am....it's that Life Dysmorphic Disorder, that ever-elusive bastard who...m i will Look in the eye and Vanquish this decade! So, help me! ;)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder

i came to the conclusionbeginning last night, that i am going to LOSE THE WEIGHT and TRANSFORM the same exact way i MADE QUILTS....by getting the gumption (and the love of my SELF instead of others that drove the quilts)...to cut the first square....(pound)....then hundreds of squares....then sewing the first strip together from the first 20 or so ... See Moresquares...then having many strips....then sewing the strips together....then having a top (the weight where i want to be (where i will be next year) ) then sewing it to the batting and underlayer (the SECURITY and STABILITY)...then going back around it....i believe that by following these simple steps (metaphoraliterally) by next year you and i will be having a very different conversation about who i am....(just as last year i would've cackled in your face if you would've said i would be a quilter or seamstress!)

or that i could run a mile on a treadmill with ease....which i can and miss dreadfully...and will soon again and lots of it :)OH! i can't wait to have "elliptical hips"...you know what i'm talkin about! ;)

all the time before i have seen it as "you will never "Make a quilt" (as alien...foreign...IMPOSSIBLE....otherworldly)...and/or could not see the quilt for the squares. you could've told me i would make the UNIVERSE itself than a "quilt" (lose THE WEIGHT)....

MOVE YOUR MONEY!!!!!

2009-12-30T08:26:00.003-05:00

FIND YOUR MONEY AND MOVE YOUR MONEY THIS NEW YEAR!!!! YOU CAN DO IT! :)

solstice spiral.....

2009-12-27T11:31:00.002-05:00

haven't had a picture blog in a good while....

2009-12-27T11:23:00.003-05:00

here's yer pitchers....
***as ever, click to enlarge....

Festival of Solstice......

2009-12-20T08:47:00.008-05:00

We are here at the coming of the Sun. What a lovely four weeks it has been.

Tonight we Moonstones celebrate the Midwinter Solstice. We will have a lovely meal followed by our Solstice ceremony (which bella will be able to stay up for, this time) and then our Moonstone Gift Exchange of gifts to each other which we have handmade.

I have made up the Solstice Table for our Advent Spiral. I wanted to have a stark white tablecloth with silver stars, but hey, there's always next year. I think this one will do just beautifully for a first time.

Our reading is an Iroquois Thanksgiving Blessing that I thought was absolutely perfect for the culmination of our Advent Festivals. We will read it in turn as we light the candlelights around our Advent Spiral. Here is the reading in its entirety.....

All Together:
Greetings to the Natural World!

Fred:
The People

Bastian: (lights the candle of Humankind)
Today we have gathered and we see that the cycles of life continue. We have been given the duty to live in balance and harmony with each other and all living things. So now, we bring our minds together as one as we give greetings and thanks to each other as people.
Now our minds are one.

Fred:

The Earth Mother

Momma: (lighting the candle of Stones)
We are all thankful to our Mother, the Earth, for she gives us all that we need for life. She supports our feet as we walk about upon her. It gives us joy that she continues to care for us as she has from the beginning of time. To our mother, we send greetings and thanks.
Now our minds are one.

Fred:
The Waters

Jonathan:
We give thanks to all the waters of the world for quenching our thirst and providing us with strength. Water is life. We know its power in many forms-waterfalls and rain, mists and streams, rivers and oceans. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to the spirit of Water.
Now our minds are one.

Fred:
The Fish

Bastian:
We turn our minds to the all the Fish life in the water. They were instructed to cleanse and purify the water. They also give themselves to us as food. We are grateful that we can still find pure water. So, we turn now to the Fish and send our greetings and thanks.
Now our minds are one.

Fred:
The Plants

Bastian: (lighting the candle of Plants)
Now we turn toward the vast fields of Plant life. As far as the eye can see, the Plants grow, working many wonders. They sustain many life forms. With our minds gathered together, we give thanks and look forward to seeing Plant life for many generations to come.
Now our minds are one.

Fred:
The Food Plants

Momma:
With one mind, we turn to honor and thank all the Food Plants we harvest from the garden. Since the beginning of time, the grains, vegetables, beans and berries have helped the people survive. Many other living things draw strength from them too. We gather all the Plant Foods together as one and send them a greeting of thanks.
Now our minds are one.

Fred:
The Medicine Herbs

Jonathan:
Now we turn to all the Medicine herbs of the world. From the beginning they were instructed to take away sickness. They are always waiting and ready to heal us. We are happy there are still among us those special few who remember how to use these plants for healing. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to the Medicines and to the keepers of the Medicines.
Now our minds are one.

Fred:
The Animals

Bastian: (lighting the candle of Animals)
We gather our minds together to send greetings and thanks to all the Animal life in the world. They have many things to teach us as people. We are honored by them when they give up their lives so we may use their bodies as food for our people. We see them near our homes and in the deep forests. We are glad they are still here and we hope that it will always be so.
Now our minds are one.

Fred:
The Trees

Momma:
We now turn our thoughts to the Trees. The Earth has many families of Trees who have their own instructions and uses. Some provide us with shelter and shade, others with fruit, beauty and other useful things. Many people of the world use a Tree as a symbol of peace and strength. With one mind, we greet and thank the Tree life.
Now our minds are one.

Fred:
The Birds

Jonathan:
We put our minds together as one and thank all the Birds who move and fly about over our heads. The Creator gave them beautiful songs. Each day they remind us to enjoy and appreciate life. The Eagle was chosen to be their leader. To all the Birds-from the smallest to the largest-we send our joyful greetings and thanks.
Now our minds are one.

Fred:
The Four Winds

Bastian:
We are all thankful to the powers we know as the Four Winds. We hear their voices in the moving air as they refresh us and purify the air we breathe. They help us to bring the change of seasons. From the four directions they come, bringing us messages and giving us strength. With one mind, we send our greetings and thanks to the Four Winds.
Now our minds are one.

Fred:
The Thunderers

Bastian:
Now we turn to the west where our grandfathers, the Thunder Beings, live. With lightning and thundering voices, they bring with them the water that renews life. We are thankful that they keep those evil things made by Okwiseres underground. We bring our minds together as one to send greetings and thanks to our Grandfathers, the Thunderers.
Now our minds are one.

Fred:
The Sun

Jonathan:
We now send greetings and thanks to our eldest Brother, the Sun. Each day without fail he travels the sky from east to west, bringing the light of a new day. He is the source of all the fires of life. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to our Brother, the Sun.
Now our minds are one.

Fred:
Grandmother Moon

Momma:
We put our minds together to give thanks to our oldest Grandmother, the Moon, who lights the night-time sky. She is the leader of woman all over the world, and she governs the movement of the ocean tides. By her changing face we measure time, and it is the Moon who watches over the arrival of children here on Earth. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to our Grandmother, the Moon.
Now our minds are one.

Fred:
The Stars

Bastian:
We give thanks to the Stars who are spread across the sky like jewelry. We see them in the night, helping the Moon to light the darkness and bringing dew to the gardens and growing things. When we travel at night, they guide us home. With our minds gathered together as one, we send greetings and thanks to the Stars.

Now our minds are one.

Fred:
The Enlightened Teachers

Jonathan:
We gather our minds to greet and thank the enlightened Teachers who have come to help throughout the ages. When we forget how to live in harmony, they remind us of the way we were instructed to live as people. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to these caring teachers.

Now our minds are one.

Fred:
The Creator

Momma:
Now we turn our thoughts to the creator, or Great Spirit, and send greetings and thanks for all the gifts of Creation. Everything we need to live a good life is here on this Mother Earth. For all the love that is still around us, we gather our minds together as one and send our choicest words of greetings and thanks to the Creator.
Now our minds are one.
　
Bastian: (Lighting the candle of Solstice)
We have now arrived at the place where we end our words. Of all the things we have named, it was not our intention to leave anything out. If something was forgotten, we leave it to each individual to send such greetings and thanks in their own way.
Now our minds are one.

ohenton kariwahtekwen - iroquois thanksgiving address

Well, we have made it to the end of our Advent calendar. Our gnome has traveled East to West With the Sun. Thank you so much for sharing our family's Advent. We hope that the coming of the light envelopes you with warmth and Light to guide you through the winter and the coming new year.

Peace.

The Festival of Humankind

2009-12-13T09:34:00.007-05:00

Festival of Humankind
The Fourth Light of Advent Is the Light of Humankind...
The Light of Love, of Thought, to Give, and to Understand...
　
...At this week's ceremony we will light the Blue Candle of Humankind....
We will place on our altar representations of we Moonstones as we Honor our place in the Universe, our World and in our Home as we await the return of the Light that Comes at Solstice.
This week we will take time to go inward to reflect on how we can bring Our Lights into the world of Darkness...
How we can be more Giving, Thankful, Thoughtful, Loving and Understanding to all the other Human Beings in the World and to ourselves in our own Home....
As we begin this Darkest Week of The year, Let us honor the ways that we bring light to the world....

This week we will be celebrating ourselves as people as well as being introspective about what our roles as people are and can be.....
I set aside this week apart from the flurry of activity that normally surrounds the holiday. All crafting is to be done or set aside, all gifts mailed. I will be putting the house to rights for solstice/yule week, but otherwise just spending time loving on my family and thinking about how to better myself and humankind in the new year.
This week's verses:

This week's reflections:

Monday: What are the best things you have ever given other people?
What are the best things that have been done for you?
What are the best things you have ever received?
What are the best things others have done for you?

Tuesday: Name five historical people that you admire. Tell us why.What can other people learn from these people?

Wednesday:If you could give anything to any people in the world, to whom would you give? What would you give them and why?

Thursday: Make a list of REAL things you will DO to help and give to others in the coming year.

Friday: Name three things you would like to better UNDERSTAND than you do now.....Next to each one, write down ideas of who to ask or what resources to look up to LEARN about them and get more of an understanding...
Saturday:Write three Letters of Gratitude to people you are grateful for. Put a stamp on them and mail them.

the pagan census....

2009-12-11T09:12:00.005-05:00

on a lark, i participated in The Pagan Census....i found question #49 to be of particular sweetness....

*= things i checked...

49. Do you consider yourself to be(check all that are relevant):
Do you consider yourself to be(check all that are relevant):
Agnostic
Asatru
*Atheist
*Buddhist
*Ceremonial magician
Christian
*Druid
*Eclectic Pagan
*Goddess worshipper
Hellenic Pagan
Jewish
*Magic-worker
*New Age
Odinist
Satanist
Santaria/Yorba
*Shaman
*Spiritual, but dislike labels
Thelemite
*Unitarian-Universalist
Vodun/Voodu
Wiccan
*Witch (not Wiccan)
Other (please specify).
Also, if you checked more than one of the above options, indicated which is/are the most important.

My answer in THAT box......

"Spiritual, dislike labels"

awesome.

Festival of Animals.....

2009-12-07T01:40:00.008-05:00

Festival of Animals

The Third Light of Advent is the Light of Beasts...
Animals of Farm, Field, Forest, Air, and Seas
Await the birth of the light, the greatest and the least...

...At this week's ceremony we light the Yellow light of Animalkind....

We will place on the altar representations of the animal life which shares our world and marvel at the different kinds of animal lives that enrich our world....

This week we will honor our place in the animal kingdom and expand our understanding of the majesty that other species of animals possess and reflect on how we can better serve the animals who share our world....

This week we are celebrating the Festival of Animals. We began to night by placing on the altar different representations of animals. Earlier I had added the Yellow Stars to the table...We read our verse for the week as well as shared a story called The Story of Ellah-Jah from the Tales of Tiptoes Lightly about the creation of animals....
We also Laid out acorns for the squirrels, and sometime this week we will be making pinecone bird feeders which we will hang from our tree....
We will be donating funds to buy a flock of chickens for a family in a third world nation, to help their family have food and a livelihood.
We also welcomed into our home Merlin Moonstone....

This week's stocking verses........... (as ever, click to enlarge on any picture. thank you.)

This week's Advent Guide Questions for Discussion...

Much Love till next week....

twas the night before solstice....

2009-12-06T21:35:00.002-05:00

'Twas the Night Before SolsticeBy Kristie Burns

http://www.earthschooling.com/

http://www.herbnhome.com/

'Twas the night before Solstice and all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even our pet mouse

Knitted wool stockings were hung with care

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there

The children were tucked in organic cotton sheets,

The air filter blocking pollution from the streets.

While mama stayed up to make handmade gifts

I co-slept with the kids and watched auras shift.

When out in the herb garden arose such a clatter

I sprung out of our futon to see what was the matter!

Away to the solar panels I flew like a flash.

They took me hours to install, I hoped they hadn't crashed.

The crystals we'd laid out to absorb the moonlight

Sparkled like fairydust and blocked my sight.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh without any reindeer.

At that moment I knew that the little old man

Had received my last letter so bold and so grand

Could you stop using reindeer?

Last year I wrote him,

And enclosed with the note a PETA pin.

As he neared the house in his all-wooden sleigh

I noticed it was powered by wheatgrass and hay.

Ostheimer! Kinderkram! Stockmar! Fair Trade!

Don't bother landing if the toys aren't handmade!

"Hey Arriana," I called to my wife with chagrin,

"With that body mass do you think he's vegetarian?"

She paused only a moment from her crafting and said,

"One moment dear! I'm shaping this gol-darn Waldorf doll's head!"

On our roof I strained to hear the ole boy

But I'd recently insulated it with soy.

So I drew in my hand and was turning around,

When in through the front door came St. Nick with a bound.

The Advent wreath had caught in his hairAs I said,

"Why in the world did you enter from THERE?"

The soot in your chimney contains poisons galore.

You should consider the environment more.

But he was dressed in fur from his head to his foot

So I said, "Look whose talking about my soot!"

A bundle of felt he had flung on his back.

"I hope you like handiwork," he said with a laugh.

His eyes - how they twinkled!

His dimples were treats!

His cheeks reminded me of when I dye silk with beets.

He must be of the choleric type I mused.

It's a good thing with lavender the stockings I infused.

With his fur boots he slipped on the bamboo wood floor.

I offered him Arnica and then closed the front door.

After all that I'd paid to the energy company this year

I didn't want one bit of that cold air in here.

He had a broad face and a little round bellyI asked him,

"Have you seen your naturopath lately?"

He was so chubby and plump I worried for his health

But I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to task,

Needle-felting dragons and weaving a mask.

He knitted a pure cotton sweater and two pairs of mittens,

Then picked up a knife and carved 2 wood kittens.

He finger-knitted an entire nativity scene,

With the most amazing skill I'd ever seen!

When he sprang from his seat on the floor and arose

I yelled, "Arianna - watch - there he goes!"

With the unfinished doll she was struggling to sew,

Arriana went to watch him out the window.

And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight!

"Arriana, my dear, the stiches are too tight!"

this is your brain.....literally

2009-12-03T10:17:00.003-05:00

This is a human brain cell. I mourn for the ones that are snuffed out by small mindedness and deadened by the drone of the media and the diffraction of the Ego of the outside world.

I pray for the ignition of the brain cell. I hope for the Lights of Humankind to radiate, pulsate, and glow, leaving every human being in the Light of Love so that we can evolve past the enslaved, darkened, and deadened state we are being placed in by those who are able to control the dampening of HumanLight.....

Festival of Plants

2009-11-29T11:37:00.007-05:00

Today begins the Festival of Plants....Very exciting, and so far the Advent idea is going over VERY well, especially with Sebastian (who is kinda the whole point)....He is really enjoying it as are we all. Last week Fred attended the ceremony with us before bed and enjoyed that very much. We kinda "fell behind" in both the daily pages as well as the verses/gnomestockings....I don't know whether it was because Thanksgiving was this week, or what the reason, but it's ok. This is all very try and enjoy....(as opposed to trial and error)...
But things are going gorgeously and this is very exciting and thought-provoking. I am glad Sebastian is enjoying it so much. I am glad I am enjoying it so much. When I get the chance to sit and think of ideas, the possibilities really are endless....
This week, as our special activity we will be planting our spring bulbs, putting up and decorating the tree in Sebastian's room... as well as doing our daily sheets, green prayer flags and whatever other fun activities i can conjur up.
To deck out the altar table this week i added our houseplant, Phyllis (short for "fill-us-with-water")...she was a gift at Bobby's funeral and I have kept her alive...a miracle! She is our only houseplant....hopefully that will change....
as well as the green stars for the week and some flowers I made from felt....I would really like us to add real flowers this evening....We shall see....

I am not going to type out the entire page thingies this week....mostly it is "what is your favorite flower/fruit/vegatable", etc. But here are the verses in the stockings...(as ever, click to enlarge)

Much love till next week!

goooooooooooood stuff.........

2009-11-26T08:27:00.001-05:00

Festival of Stones....

2009-11-22T08:08:00.002-05:00

Festival of Stones

The First Light of Advent is the Festival of Stones...
Stones hat live in crystals, seashells, and bones....

....At this first ceremony we will light the red candle of stones
We will place our stones we have chosen on the altar as well as shells we have gathered in our travels

This week we will reflect on stones which are the bones of our Mother Earth.

Tonight begins Advent here at our Home. We begin with the Festival of Stones. Here is the emblem of the Week, the Moonstone Mandala:

This is what the Seasonal Table looks like this morning (the children haven't seen it yet, as they have yet to go to the kitchen).....

There is my personal collection of stones: Kyanite, Rose Quartz, Rainbow Moonstone, White Moonstone, Agate, Blue heart rock, Shiva Linga, Petrified Wood, a Geode, Ohio Pink Granite, My Butterfly Stone (remind me to show you a pretty picture of my butterfly stone sometime), and I am sure I am missing some....

There are also Seashells from The Gulf of Mexico, The Atlantic Ocean, and the Pacific Ocean, as well as from here in Ohio and from Colorado...

And a wishbone i have been saving :)

The Four Advent Candles are there: Red=Stones, Green= Plants, Yellow/brown= Animals, Blue= Humankind and White=Soul/Yule/Solstice (i have a candle that belonged to my father, who died on Winter Solstice 1996 that I burn a little every year and at "occasions" such as births and deaths. It is the one which will be lit on Solstice Night itself)

Tonight as part of our ceremony, We will add to the altar favorite stones of our own (jonathan and sebastian) as well as stones that we all picked the other evening in Yellow Springs at the Craft Store....the Littles even picked their own....
(pardon the picture, it is a scan. i couldn't take a picture that was any better...it is a new year's resolution to learn the camera, i promise)

Jonathan- Citrine (he hasn't made the Sacral Connection, yet. I wonder if he will...
Steffani-Kyanite, a Stone Rose, and the Harry Potter Moonstone i saw a few weeks ago but was still at the shop...
Sebastian-Green Obsidian and Copper (wise of him to choose a metal too, and I draw the connection with Bobby and Copper, but he hasn't yet)
River-Onyx
BellaLuna- Rose Quartz....

Through the week, we have Advent Guides that ask a question for discussion that day, prompt activities and thought, and which I look very foreward to....I hope Jonathan and Bastian enjoy it....
I scanned pictures of the actual sheets and then will type what the questions are, but, to enlarge, click on the pictures...

Monday: What are your favorite stones and gems? Why are they your favorite? What do they mean to you?
Tuesday: The three different types of Rocks are Igneous (created by fire) Sedimentary (created from layers of sediment) and Metamorphic (Igneous and Sedimentary rocks that have changed forms into metamorphic rocks).... Tell how each of these stones have meaning to your life. For example What sorts of igneous things have made you who you are, sedimentary, and how have those things Metomorphosized you?

Wednesday: Find the meanings of 8 gemstones you want to learn about...
Thursday: What does being a MoonSTONE mean to you? What does the STONE in moonstone mean to you? How can we better live up to our name?

Friday:Find out all our family's Gemstones. What do they symbolize? Do the Stones fit the people? How are they Like the stone? Different?
Jonathan:
Steffani:
Sebastian:
River:
BellaLuna:
Saturday: Create a Moonstone Art Project out of Stones, Shells, etc. WIth a "stone" Theme....To share at tomorrow's ceremony and keep for future advents :)

Then through the week we will have different verses in the Advent Stockings for each theme. I have four that I have found so far, will fill in the rest before we get there :)....
Monday:
I feel the stone
and through the stone the earth
and my past
and my future
as i am grounded to my present...
In the ridges and hollows,
are the rise and fall of my heart,
as I live out my destiny
to tell of the stone
to tell of the earth
to tell of the journey....
My journey on the surface of the stone.
I am but a dust mote
pitched from place to place
on the whim of the wind.
I scatter the seeds of some poerms
to be carried on the beaks of birds
to be mixed in the whispers of the wind
for the ones who hear my message
and come bearing me treasure.
The treasure of Truth
in that one line
of Love.....
Tuesday:
Stone rough and jagged
Tumbles down the hill,
Falls into a river,
There lies calm and still.
River's ever-flowing,
Water sparkling bright,
Curving, twirling, slip and slide
In the Summer light.
Years flow by like water-
water on the move....
At last the stone once jagged,
is polished, round and smooth
Wednesday:
The rocks are hard
and we stumble.
The rocks are sharp
and we bleed
The rocks are heavy, jagged and dense
crushing and dark indeed....
But the rocks bear the weight of the world
They bear up our steps with might
And deep within, like stars on earth
Their jewels glisten bright....
Thursday:
Deep in the kingdom there spreads a great forest
Deep in the forest a mountain soars high
Deep in the mountain a high vaulted cavern
Secret and Solemn where fools may not pry....
Deep in the cavern there stands a great granite
Solid and silent and strong as the earth
Deep in the granite there glistens and gleams
A radiant jewel of wondrous worth....

Each week we will also write our intentions/manifestations/gratitudes on our prayer flags for the week, and each week i will add the colored stars for the weeks that the Littles and I glittered until at Solstice, i will place on the altar a white cloth with silver and gold stars....

sooooo excited! :)

2009-11-14T18:51:00.002-05:00

Our Advent calendar came in the mail today! yay!

Marci made this for our family. It is our advent calendar forever and always and we will cherish it greatly.

This year is the first time I have been able to prepare in advance to have a full celebration of Advent. Many activities are planned for each week. A special gathering each Sunday night (where we will learn about the festivals and share thoughts from the week prior, as well as work on our prayer flags we will be making, and time for reflection and sharing about each element as we learn about them and honor them....among many other ideas....i will of course share with everyone.... i am soooooooo excited to be doing this)

The Verse the idea comes from is:

The first light of Advent is the light of stones.
Stones that live in crystals, seashells, and bones.

The second light of Advent is the light of plants.
Roots, stem, leaf, flower, and fruit by whom we live and grow.

The third light of Advent is the light of beasts.
Animals of farm, field, forest, air, and seas.
All await the birth in greatest and in least.

The fourth light of Advent is the light of humankind.
The light of love, the light of thought, to give and to understand.

Each night of advent Sebastian will draw a verse pertaining to that week's festival from the stocking and will read it and we will share our thoughts on the topic....

We will begin our advent next Sunday evening beginning with the Festival of Stones....

The first Week of our Advent is the Festival of Stones.... During this week we honor the stones of the Earth and how they help build our lives. How buried deep in the cold ground they are the bones of the Mother Earth.....

The color of our prayer flag for that week will be Red and the symbol is a moonstone mandala....

The Second week of Advent is the Festival of Plants.

During this week we honor the place of plants in our lives and the life of the earth. We will do activities and have verses that reflect on our dependence on plants and green things....

(during this week we will plant our bulbs for next spring, among other things)

The prayer flag color for this week is Green (of course) and the Symbol is the Tree of Life...

The Third week of Advent is the Festival of Beasts (animals). During this week we honor the spirits of the animals of the world and their wisdom and ways of being.

If all goes to plan, this will be the week we will receive our new moonstone animal family member. We are looking to get a cat or kitten so that we can extend our lives to a pet.

We will also go meat-free during this week and much more again after.

Other activites will include feeding our yard squirrels some acorns we gathered on a picnic in yellow springs, as well as making pine cone bird feeders to hang from our tree....and reading animal stories....

The color of the prayer flag for the week is Yellow and the symbol is Ta, the Wind Horse....

The fourth week of Advent is the Festival of Humankind . In this week we will honor our fellow human beings and learn to more peacefully coexist with each other and all people.....

Activities will include Charity, Helpfulness, Giving, and Kindess ........

The prayer flag color for the week is Blue and the symbol is Om.

The Fifth and final bit of our Advent will be (something i kinda made up) the Festival of Soul....There are a few days between the last Sunday of Advent and Solstice itself, which is on Tuesday....And still a few more days between Solstice (the 22nd) and Yule (the 25th)....So on this week, we will learn about the Yule festival and what it means (Yule literally means "Wheel" as in the turn of the Wheel of the Year.)....

Activities will include the Decorating and Lighting of our tree on Solstice, and all the yummy lovely goodnesses of the Yule celebration, with presents, music, movies, good food and treats, and of course Santa's visit!

Following Yule, we will hang our Prayer Flags we have made in order to set our intentions for Good Fortune in the coming year....

I am excited about the Season this year. I feel I am doing a great thing in honoring this time of year and its significance as well as creating memories, gifts, magic, and knowledge for the children to remember, cherish, and enjoy for the rest of their lives.

Fabric I have decided to keep :)

2009-11-10T11:29:00.006-05:00

I am VERY exhausted. I PROMISE to come back and label these within the next day...But I wanted to get them up first off....So grateful.........

The dance of abundance.....

2009-11-09T22:04:00.014-05:00

So, I answered an ad for FOUR LARGE BOXES OF FABRIC $25 on craigslist. I told the poster that I am a young mother who has just found a love of sewing and crafting and that on our tight budget this would be a huge difference. She replied that her mother has passed away five years ago leaving all this fabric and that her mother would be so pleased that it would go to a young mother that she wanted me to have it for FREE....I wept tears of gratitude and joy.

Jonathan had an eye appointment in Dayton today so I mapquested the dr. office and the house where I was to pick the boxes up. They were 7 minutes apart in the whole city of Dayton!

When we reached the house, she ushered us in and Lo AND behold! There was a HUGE stack of boxes. And they were for me. Notions, bags, boxes.....!!! It was INCREDIBLE. The gratitude I feel about this is overwhelming.

Brought the boxes home just enough to look through them and take the pictures to share on this blog. Sebastian was VERY moved that this lady had passed away. I wasn't expecting his reaction like that, though I guess in hindsight I should've. Especially when he saw an unfinished doilie. I tried to explain to him that every older lady of a certain age has several unfinished doilies but it really shook him up a bit. But he was very open and aware of the blessing that this will be to our family. And he was VERY excited to see all the new things.

I will be sorting through things and laundering them and organizing them more through the week. i am considering starting a Flickr set of the different cloths to have them catagorized before I put them away...We'll see. I imagine I will be expounding on this at length in the days to come. I really want to give this experience the expression it deserves....but for tonight (because i REALLY haven't even sorted things yet....Here are the boxes just as a beginning. The pictures DO NOT do justice to the amount of things that i got or the amount of fabric. But I think the picture up top with Bastian standing beside the pile shows a LITTLE of the persepective.

Here are the others:

Box of Thread!!!!!!!!

MORE THREAD!!!! (the big white one says 24,000 (24 THOUSAND !!!!) yards of white cotton thread. vintage cotton.... the others are several thousand yards themselves!!! i just need to learn how to get them on the spool...(anyone??!!)

a ROLL of elastic.......

Remember these???? I was THRILLED that these were in the boxes (they had ribbon in them!)

Box of ribbon and other ribbony notions....(!!!)

Box of silk flowers...(can you say "hey! i need those to make bellas flower headwreath for the costume box!??!)

Box of felt!

Stack of patterns for dolls, costumes, etc!!!!

A BIG box of patterns for clothes!!!!

A sodaflat of vintage fabric quilt squares (!!!!) THe first swatch I saw (this is the first thing she handed me when we got into the house) was the pink with moons and stars........ Bella's first baby blanket (maybe you can see it in the one picture of her if you have seen it?!) is the SAME EXACT MATERIAL....what a sign!

A full, completed, GORGEOUS quilt was in one of the boxes!!!

And THREE boxes themselve....They appear to be either OLD computer monitor boxes (they are, i would say 1 yard length and 2 yard high?) or even old television boxes....!!!! Incredible. And I CANNOT do justice to both the large AMOUNT of fabric, the quality, and the age of it. I would bet that not much in any of these boxes is much younger than I am....It is all quite vintage from the 50s, 60s and early 70s, I would say....some older!
One of the coolest things to happen in quite awhile....Thanks for sharing this with me! :)

The Art Cabinet

2009-11-08T13:34:00.008-05:00

I LOVE the art cabinet. It is one of my proudest Mothering thingies. I first read about this in the book (that i LOVE) Mrs. Sharp's Traditions by Sarah Ban Breathnach. (Someday I will blog about the book. Till then, you'll have to find it on your own. Its card catalog number is: 646.78) SHe called it a "Rainy Day Cabinet" filled with things to amuse the children on a rainy day.

The idea is to make a cabinet where your kids can always find what they need to create art-type projects and crafts. One centralized location for all their fanciful needs. And as they grow it is more and more invaluable. I have had mine since Sebastian was very small, I would say three, if I remember correctly.

It is pretty uniform at this point. Sometimes I add new things that I didn't have before. But normally I just stock up on things during Back To School and at Tax Time when we have a bit of extra money. But the possibilities are endless, and the value is immeasurable.

The cabinet itself was Sebastian's Great-Great Grandparents'. When they passed, it is the thing I picked for our family (without knowing about the art cabinet quite yet)....I started it then, when Bastian was three....Not even knowing I was doing it. It sat by My desk in the old kitchen and i put my envelopes in it and stuff and Bastian's coloring books, and odd stuff. I have always kinda had a school/office supply jones....

I decoupaged it and really started the Art Cabinet in earnest in the fall of 2006 when we moved to the Basement Apartment in Greeley. When we went for Bastian's School supplies i resolved that that weekend was THE weekend and the art cabinet would be born.

I would encourage every mother and other to make one. Even for yourself, as a creativity haven. It is amazing to have everything in one place. And, I believe, it is an INCREDIBLE parenting tool, for the littles. I know that Bastian feels pleased to've had one his whole life. It really is a special thing.

Here is what is in ours....(and on ours....and yes, i just cleaned it out and organized everything...it is NOT always like THIS....)

On the top are containers for:

Pens

Pencils

Colored Pencils

Sharpie Markers

coins/money

one small container for "Stuff"

The camera also resides on top (we had a time this afternoon when we thought the camera was gone! yikes!) normally. As do wallets, and all sorts of junkola...but not this day :) on closer inspection i also see the HOTSAUCE for cursewords....(which are almost nonexistent now, thanks to the HOSSOSS)

On the Top Shelf inside are:

Index Cards/Post-It notes (for scribbling, mostly ha...and at back to school time you can get the packs of index cards for a quarter or less...)
crayola markers
beads
glue gun/glue sticks
stampers and stamp pads
stapler and staples
watercolors
oil pastels
modeling clay
The TAPE (having the tape in one place is incredible in itself)

Normally I also have Elmer's school glue and Rubber Cement, but at the moment it appears that we are out....( i think i might i remember a cataclysm with the glue-all....)

On the second shelf are Mostly my stationary and things. What a great thing, eh? To have all this in one place. Mostly I have bought vintage cards and stationary at thrifts and yardsales, etc. VERY cheaply. For pennies, really, at the most. By the bag for a buck or less, preferably.

On This shelf are:

Envelopes (Normally Long AND short, but only short today....i think maybe it might have something to do with glue-all)
Extra Index cards (looks like I need to stock up....I had, but gave some to charity with a stack of school supplies)
Packs of Recycled Looseleaf paper (watched it go from $3.29 to .63 cents...yay)
cards, cards, stationary, cards, stationary....Sorted by different occasions (in another fit of organization, of course)
my BIRTHDAY BOOK....one of my favorite things....It is sorted by month and then has a page of numbered "days" of the month where you write the birthdays in it. It helps, because I really do aspire to send cards. It's something that makes me happy.
the multitudinous address labels aforementioned....

Third shelf down is The Children's Shelf.... Can you imagine having something like this when you were little??? Did you? Lucky duck!...

The tin is my FAVORITE mucha...The Zodiac...this is maybe my favorite tin of them all. Inside it is full of Crayola (only! and the extras from when we go to Frisches) Crayons...Bliss!
Coloring books
The white box holds a project I have been working on since I was pregnant with Sebastian, that I will complete, I HOPE before Fred's Birthday next year...It is an Alphabet/Color Book.....I am sure I will blog more about it soon...
Construction paper (lots! always!)
The brown box is full of stickers (see earlier blog "frugal hack: FREE STICKERS") and in the ziplock baggie are even more stickers that wouldn't fit in the box for size.

Fourth Shelf holds the box i created to hold my beatiful magazine clippings in. The plan is to get another box for the littles with pictures they love in it someday..... Under it is the "fancy paper". I like to stock up on "scrapbooking paper" at the craft stores when they are on sale. I won't pay over 10 cents/ sheet, though. I am cool like that. The other thing on the shelf is a HUGE box of old printer paper that our old neighbors were throwing away a couple years (!) ago when we lived in the basement apartment. A couple years and we haven't even made a Dent in it.

The bottom shelf (which is broken and sure, yeah sure, i am gonna fix it...) is loaded with Highlights magazines from when Bastian had a subscription from grandma mae for a couple/few years and some that Jonathan's grandma had held onto since he was little and others we have found at yard sales, etc. Also a Big stack of Humpty Dumpty and Jack and Jill magazines from the 1960's....awesome!

I imagine we can only branch out in our new home. (the manifestation is a craft ROOM with LOTS of closet/cabinet space) To fabric crafts/knitting/sewing/painting for ALL :)

Thank you for sharing...Go forth and make your own Art Cabinet, mothers and others!

***BONUS picture....the side of my fridge that sits next to the art cabinet***

frugal hack of the day---FREE STICKERS!!!

2009-11-08T12:26:00.005-05:00

I have collected Frugal/Helpful Hints every since I have been a Mother/housewife. Sometimes I magically get the wherewithall to use them. Today was one of those days, so I am passing on my experience/idea to you just in time for the holidays....We are all too poor to be ashamed of homemade, ingenious, sweet gifts, aren't we???

Start of 2009, we Moonstones dedicated ourselves to contributing more of our (not much) money to charity. So we scoped out our favorite charites and started saving mailers of who we wanted to give to. I have even more ideas of how to do this, but after our experience in this, we have taken a break from mailing money to charity, and just contribute when we are asked in person, and things like that.

We gave (pretty tiny amounts, really, but what we could) to perhaps five charities in the first couple months. (I won't name them i guess....) Environmental charities, a couple animal charities and a couple diseases....

THEN THE FLOOD OF MAIL..... I don't have to tell you if you've been through this. But I was SHOCKED at the amount of mail that has poured into this house DAILY from this. And especially infuriating are the ENVIRONMENTAL charities....I wish I had the gumption to make a stack to photograph....One day I did take a picture when the stack for that DAY was especially high....

I was just flabbergasted and astounded. It was really bad that the charities we had JUST sent (a TINY amount of) money too, IMMEDIATELY sent mailers asking for MORE money and for RENEWALS....

Then millions of other charities started in. A deluge. Deluge is not too dramatic a word for this.

And they sent STUFF....Paper stuff mostly. Notepads, Greeting Cards, Calendars, all sorts of ephemera. We COULDN'T give more. And we certainly couldn't give to all of the charities that sent us STUFF. The amount of address labels alone could wall paper our kitchen!

Most of all of it ended up in the recycling bin. I just WONDER about the multitudes who do not recycle. This charity mailer thing has to get pared down!

But the reason we are here, is my frugal hack. STICKERS!!!!

Some of the address label sheets had stickers embedded in them. And some just had the little pictures before the name/information. These made perfect FREE stickers for fred and bella (and bastian if he wants!) to play with!!! yay!

We are renting this house, we are planning to move in a year and half. I will NEVER mail 85,342,609 letters to use the address labels. So i kept a FEW (maybe a hundred ha) of my favorites (the exception being the Peta Labels that say "Steffani Moonstone" :)

Cut out all the rest of the little pictures and stickers, recycled the slough, and Viola! Free Stickers for littles!

I don't know about you, but I would not be in the least offended if someone gave my children these stickers for a gift. They are an ingenious present. Nor would I in the slightest ashamed to put them in a cute little box and give them to any other child.

We are all too broke for shame and offense, are we not???? These stickers are a WIN WIN WIN :)

Remember when we were young children? The THRILL of STICKERS!!!! Unmatched. As bribing tools, collectables, etc. etc. etc. Remember sticker books?!!! You could easily make a quick "Sticker Book" out of construction or other paper.... :)

There are stickers in this box of animals, flowers, all different holidays and times of year, fruits and vegetables....all sorts of things...Hundreds of stickers!

Enjoy! :)

(People who say "I don't have time to cut out stickers".......Think of the time, even slight that you are working to PAY for anytime you would ever buy stickers....)

The (million---no exaggeration) Address Labels that i still have left.........plenty!

shirt i made.....my bf severus....

2009-11-08T12:20:00.002-05:00

(such a fangirl!)

jonathan ran off the pic on transfer paper and i put it on my just-off-color pink Mossimo longsleeve cotton shirt.....

Loves!

we lost the digital camera.....

2009-11-08T12:15:00.001-05:00

when we found it (crouched loooooooow underneath a pile of books between two bookshelves.....its a miracle).... it had this picture on it....

we LOVE our camera and it is VERY important to us and we love our camera!

happy birth day, bellaluna!

2009-11-03T06:37:00.005-05:00

We were walking into the marriage liscence bureau. I was wearing a green corduroy jumper over my most comfortable mossimo vneck black "feel urban" 3/4 sleeve shirt....

I was pushing tiny Baby Fred in the umbrella stroller. Eight year old Bastian was off at second grade.Jonathan was walking beside me. The sun was shining very brightly. It was Valentine's Day 2007.

"You are waddling!" Jonathan exclaimed. "Like you are pregnant!"

HAHAHA we laughed.....Impossible! Women with eightmonthold babies aren't PREGNANT! haha! Must still be from Last time! HEE HEE HAHA... let's get married....

Two weeks later, I bought the trusty Dollar Store Pregnancy Test, for one reason or a waddling other.....

I remember that I swept back into the living room, swooped up baby Fred from his bouncy chair (see the incongruity of it?!), sat on the couch and started to cry.

I doubt this was Jonathan's expected reaction from me. Dunno.

I know that I still had Post-Partum Depression from Fred. I know that we had an income of certainly less than a thousand dollars/month (probably including our foodstamps) and that our bills were $1200/month alone. I knew that *I* wasn't supposed to be a "baby making factory"......This was absolutely the most irresponsible thing I had done since drugs......And it was very very real.

I am sure I called Marci next. I wish it were on tape somewhere what was said. I would give it to Bella upon the arrival of her first menstruation. I am sure it was epic and classic. Whatever we said, i KNOW i ended the conversation laughing and fine.....

I never cried about it again, that I know of. I am sure i cried about millions of things, now with this new Post/During Pregnancy DEPRESSION/psychward candidacy if I weren't pregant state.... (I can sardonically laugh at it now....)

I know that during my pregnancy with Bella, we ordered cable television, and I absorbed a lot of America's Top Model and VH1 specials....When i was recently (just the other day) pregnant with Fred, I had READ every single book I ever wanted to read again because I probably wouldn't ever have the chance again (little did i know!) We also got an unlimited membership to the video store....My (other)craving (besides, it appears, Radical Escapism)was "DoubleWhopperWithCheeseNoLettuceTomatoOrOnion"....to the point that the dudes and ladies in the drive thru knew my voice by the seventh month....

In July, in the midst of my Summer Pregnancy....(ugh... you just sweated and got body aches thinking about it, huh ladies?!)... Sebastian went on his visit with his dad. We all cringe in anticipation of what happens next, don't we? But this time I won't write it out....

This time we are inside things, with bella....

So, yeah, I experienced bobby's Death in the exact midst of my pregnancy. It's THAT (even more hugerly) huge (than you may've thought).....

In October, things were pretty alright and leveling outish.....The baby was due on Halloween. (of course) We hadn't been seen by anyone by then, and needed an "official" witness for when we were to file for the birth certificate later. So I wrote a long rambling letter to a midwife referred to me by Marci and we got an appointment about two weeks before i was due. I really only wanted the letter and didn't need to be examined. But I had ONE teeny question....I didn't "feel" the same as when i was far along with Fred. SOMETHING was DIFFERENT. Could she please give Jonathan some pointers for helping check the baby's positiion, because of how i had been in labor much longer than I should've been with Fred because of my insistence that i didn't know if i was "At 10!"....Oh yes, dear, feel that? Baby is head down and ready to go any time! yay! :)

Bobby's birthday is the 5th of November. I discussed at length, on November 1st, with Sebastian what it would be like if the baby were born that day. Too Sad. Too Devastating...was the verdict.

I decided to try to induce labor the next night. Castor Oil with a doubleshot of whiskey chaser and lots of looking into the moon.....and THINKING.....

At four fortyfive o'clockish the next morning, 3 November, i woke up with such a terrible backache. I didn't place it for quite a bit. Just "gee! my back HURTS!".... "OH!!!!"

Woke up jonathan the 8th time my back HURT.

It was on. No joke, no foolin, this was it. Breathing OOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUTTTT SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS with one hand and trying to call Marci with the other....in candlelight in our bed, while Fred the new Focal Point slept in his crib in front of me.

This time we actually wrote down the contractions and timed them and all....they were absolutely perfectly two minutes apart from the time i woke up.

I remember saying at one point "I know i am always glorifying Birth and Labor and Women's Mysteries and all that, but this SUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKKSSSS." second's later, my water broke.

Then it was on....I got up and headed to THE COUCH where i had fred. I wasn't going to screw around and be in labor one millisecond longer than i had to THIS TIME.

As I started walking though, i knew something was VERY VERY different. and SHARP! when i think of bella's birth at all, i think the word SHARP! it was like i was walking with the force ofgravity on a bag of sugar inside me with a carving KNIFE on the bottom that was jabbing at me....

When i got to the couch i had one big standingup contraction (as i stared into jonathan's papagandalf painting and contemplated the scores of women who stare at Mary instead...yes i can do things like that in labor)...reached down to wipe. Meconium!

Primal Fear!

Jonthan ran to get the book.....Meconium....Stress....Danger....Breech.....Transfer....Breech! that's all it really says....!

Well, THAT's Not so...because The Midwife said things were fine. But we are gonna proceed faster. I am going to go to the bathroom and loosen this all up and get this baby out in the next fifteen minutes. As long as the placenta is attatched to the baby it is ok....it is ok....it is ok....
(that was THE thought process)

........I tell this to lots of people each year...."When a woman commits to a homebirth, especially an unattended homebirth like we have chosen, or a hosptial birth or ANY birth, a woman has GOT to confront Head-on that the baby could die. If the woman isn't able to look that truth in the face, that is scary to me, in general. And a woman MUST confront that SHE might die. Death is Birth is Death is Birth, ladies....it is the veil between the two worlds, friends!".....

So i had already been HERE in my head LOTS of times....to SOMETHING'S wrong world land....But THIS was going to end WELL, dammit. So i went to the pot to check and birthed a knife...i mean, a foot. There is NO other feeling like THAT in the world, i hope....

Ok, jonathan! i yelled (who was standing at the (VERY BRIGHTLYLIT) doorway 4 inches infront of my face)....WE GOTTA DO THIS NOOOW!!!! This is IT...This is BUSINESS, now.

And from that point foreward, i just kept talking like an INSTRUCTOR....i will never be that calm again. (i HOPE)....

Jonathan's shaky voice behind me........ THAT is what i remember now. Poor, Poor Jonahtan's shaky voice behind me........(yet the love in THAT shaky voice cannot be measured or undersestimated.....)

Get the other foot out! I don't care how, just get the other foot! i INSTRUCTED...
`````"i CAN'T!!!! (shakkkkkkkyyyy shakkkkky) It isn't HERE I can't REACH IT! WHERE IS IT??!!"~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't know, jonthan. Its ok. Just find the foot......

~~~~~~~~~ "It's UP THERE! I dont know! ITS DOING THE SPLITS!!!! (SHAKKKKKKY shakky shakkkky) "OK! GOT IT! OMGOMGOMGOMG are you ok?!!!"~~~~~~~~~~

I am fine. (Flash of instinct picture of a frozen chicken at the grocery) GET THE ARMS TOGETHER!!!! PULL THE ARMS TOGETHER LIKE A CHICKEN!!!!! (i somehow knew that it was the arms that would kill us both. the baby would grab the holes in my hip bones if he didn't get the arms out....it REALLY was THAT clinical and simple.

~~~~~~~~~~"OK! OK!OK!"(Shaaaaaaky)"OHMYGODOHMYGOD she's coming! i think she's a girl!"~~~~~~~~~

{{i tell the story (ha ha) that it is a good thing that she came out yoni-first because if she had been a boy i woulda given up the ghost! (yuk yuk!) }}

And she was born....as simple and in that same ten seconds that EVERY Baby is born, she was BORN!....

Perfect.

The first time i saw her, seconds later, she was PINK AND GOLD...no kidding. ask jonathan. PINK AND GOLD and absolutely perfect. AND FEMALE!!!!!!!!

Great Goddess of the Volcano and Mists! A new GIRL!!!
Time of birth 8:08 am 3 November 2007........ just at the sunrise....

"Marci's here!" bastian then called from the patio where he was outside waiting for her....

They took care of us then...Jonathan and Marci. And perfected us all up, treated us like queens and bought me a Double Whopper with CHeese at 11 am.

She is MY girl. She is OUR girl. She is Princess Moonstone. And she is the stuff of Myths and Legends......truly.

And i LOVE her more than LIFE itself....Next life carrier from my Light..

Happy BIRTH day, bellaluna evalina moonstone crummett!

on sabbatical...............

2009-09-27T20:28:00.001-04:00

**********Thank you for stopping by. I will return perhaps in November? But surely not in October. Iappreciate all the time you have given allowing me to share my thoughts with you. Now it is time that I go love my self, babies, husband, and home some. Have a beautiful month. Why not peruse the archives? That could be fun. And don't forget that if you plan to do any early holiday shopping on Amazon, come on back to my blog and click on my slideshow over in the sidebar ------------------> and help a Moonstone out??

Much Love and light,

Steffani*******************************************************************

a nutshell.........

2009-09-27T20:20:00.004-04:00

janelle janel carrie moi leddee tara

GC assists Goober in her lovely table dance first off at Stocks

First I was early, then i was late. Story of my life ha.

Princess, Queen, and King of the Fun

It really was a beautiful night. So glad to see everyone. Everyone was kind and funny and entertaining and inclusive and sweet and remember-full.
and drunk.
(i wasn't drunk, but i tried to be all the other things)

religulous ****

2009-09-26T09:38:00.002-04:00

watched the movie, religulous last night. the end is a real heart-pounder.

Follow my blog with bloglovin

Quinceañera

2009-09-25T00:07:00.003-04:00

(what i wrote for our fifteenth year class reunion.....)

I am a huge fan of the British "UP" documentary series. In it, a filmmaker, Michael Apted, filmed several children from different economic and social backgrounds from all over England in 1964 when they were seven years old. He has since filmed them every seven years of their lives since. It is enthralling. If you haven't seen them, I would highly recommend you do so.

(Here is the wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Up_Series)

In it, he quotes from a Jesuit maxim, "Give me the child until he is seven, and I will give you the man." It is very evident in the series that these people became almost exactly what they said and thought they would be when they were small children.

I have struggled with writing this. Because I had no context to put the past fifteen (or even thirty three) years of my life into perspective, It has all been kind of a clusterjam of wildness that seems unbelievable to've happened to anyone shy of a literary heroine, and this I am not, surely?

But when I was seven years old, guess what I would've told you that I would be? Or what life I would create for myself, or would create on the page. (or what I was, at seven years old, stuck daydreaming in a wooden box in Mrs. Brewer's classroom for months....) Literary heroine seems pretty reasonable, I suppose.

I mean, really. Did anyone expect for me to sail through life smoothly and uniformly? (I looked up the word "conformitously" but it appears I made that up!) I highly doubt it.

Well, here we are and another five years has passed and we are checking in on ourselves, We eightyeight wandering children from that lovely cornfield snowglobe of our youth....And here I am.

When last we met, I was newly separated from my first marriage. I was the mother of a five year old boy. The word "tumultuous" comes to mind.

Five years before that, I was the newlywed, dewy-eyed mother of that little boy. So in that five years, (1997-2002) I had been struggling to put aside my wildness, trade the Scarlett O'Hara/Courtney Love act in, and become some sort of June Cleaver, under quite impossible circumstances. But I gave it the old go, just the same. I failed.

Five years prior to that (1994-1997) I had graduated, buried my father, had my stint in rehab, and travelled the country homeless and "selling magazines" and doing my "Girl, Interrupted" thing. So at least the years 1997-2002 were an improvement over that! A mellowing, if you will.

Since last we met, I have been on a burning spiritual quest to accept myself. What a rocky road! But there are small miracles almost daily, for which I am most glad and grateful.

In the year 2005, I met my current husband, Jonathan, online. He traveled from Galveston, Texas to Greeley Colorado to be with me and stepfather Sebastian. That was a very good thing.

In the year 2006 on May 17th, to be precise, our son, River Frederick Jack was born. At home. Unattended, but for the encouragement of my best friend. When Jonathan delivered him, it was the first time he had ever held a baby.

In the year 2007, we were married on Valentine's Day. I called my mother AFTER, just like the first time. I told her that I had news. She asked if I was pregnant again. I told her no, that we had gotten married.Two weeks later, I called my mother again. I told her I had news. She said, "If you are pregnant again, just hang up the phone." I hung up the phone.So, yes. I was indeed the pregnant newlywed mother of an eight year old and an eight month old. Hurrah!

In July of that year my son Sebastian went on his two week summer vacation with his father. One evening after a thunderstorm they decided to go racing toy boats in the town's irrigation ditch (for those of you not familiar with irrigation in the West, it is comparable to a creek here). In a strange moment, my son's boat was rushing down the ditch and my ex-husband decided to hotdog it and jump in after it. He dove. He broke his neck. Two days later he died. Twenty nine years old.

So, that has occupied me for a couple years, now. It is the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. Both of myself and as guardian of my son's little heart.

On November 3rd 2007, our daughter, BellaLuna Evalina was born. At home. Unassisted. Breech. Now I have a daughter to love too. She was born two days before what would've been Bobby's thirtieth birthday. Bittersweet.

In 2008, it was time to come back to the snowglobe to raise my little ones. To right the wrongs, to write the tender chapters of their lives and hang up my heroine hat for twenty years or so. (I still pick it up off the hook from time to time and fluff the feathers now and then.....)

We now reside in Bradford. My son Sebastian is a stellar student and very bright boy. My toddlers are wildly adorable whirlwinds. My husband loves me and I fancy him very much so.

We have one last Oom-pah-pah in us, and plan to move one last time to Yellow Springs in 2011, after my son has my mother in the sixth grade here in Bradford, and she retires to Memphis to live amongst the Elvis for awhile.

Once there, I plan to go to Antioch McGregor (and then to the "big school" as fred calls it when we visit) and major in Humanities with a Literary Emphasis, writing little bits and pieces along the way. Maybe someday I will be Dr. Ms. Heroine....who knows?

So, my friends, is this what you could've forseen for me when we played Wizard of Oz on the playground, and the bells rang every day at noon and six? Back when I was nothing but moxie and long golden hair?I believe so, and that's what matters.I look foreward to seeing you all and hearing from you ANYTIME.

Namaste' and MUCH love,
Steffani the Magnificent

The Costume Box Project

2009-09-20T09:56:00.004-04:00

I am making the little's Big Present for Yule. It is a COSTUME BOX...I plan to chug away at it for the next few months. Their current toybox is an antique foot locker that was also Sebastian's toy box. But I have always dreamed of it to be a "DRESSUP BOX"....No time like the present (haha-pun) I guess.
As I imagine I will be blogging it later (if I put up the pictures, they will see them...maybe i will flickr them and link to it in the sidebar???) I thought I would give you all the head's up.

These are the costumes that will be included. As now I have only cut out felt feathers for the "native american headdress" and gathered several materials....

Princess Gown/ Princess "hat"
Witch Dress/Witch hat
Pirate outfit with shirt, pants, hook, hat, and eyepatch
Flower Wreath Crown/Wings/Magic Wands (my best friend marci is making Bella a tutu)
Little Red Riding Hood cape
Native American outfit for Fred with chief headdress, Native American dress for Bella
Kimono for Bella
Wizard Capes/hats/wands
Crown of Jewels
Jester Hat
Top Hat
Cowboy Hat
Knight Costume
Felt Swords/Shields
Rabbit Ears
Cat mask
Elephant mask
Dragon mask
Yoda Ears

Any other ideas anyone? Would be GLAD to hear them on the comments.....

brucie....

2009-09-15T13:30:00.005-04:00

My high school driver's ed teacher used to do a funny (albeit necessary, scary) thing....when we were on a ramp to get on the interstate (usually for the first time---we are bumpkins) he would say, gaining speed, tremor, intensity, and volume, "Pick it up up up up upup upupupupupupup upupup upupp UPUPUPup UP!"....(any other girls out there from high school hear that in your head when you were laboring with your babies, or was it just me??? anyone? anyone?? ha)

I feel like that is what I have been telling myself for the past couple weeks. I feel that is an accurate description for you of what it feels like, for me, to be on the right track, to have a dream, to be workin the secret, to be manifesting what i truly desire, to have hope and ideas of how to better my life, and my kids' and husband's lives....

This is what to you would be called a "Manic Episode"...but to me is "My Only Hope For Positive Things To Come To Light And Become Possible In My Life"....

Lately I have been latching on to the POSITIVE/MANIC energy and working to harness IT instead of letting it be drowned by the NEGATIVE/DEPRESSIVE energy.

It is humiliating to be in a depressive state and it is maybe even MORE humiliating to come out of it into the light, because there is a shame that you "let" yourself be depressed and "waste" that time period (hour? day? week? month? decade? afternoon?) of your life....then the shame feels like you STILL aren't living....

Then if you are LUCKY (thirty years into this crap i am FINALLY thinking of the mania as THE postiive part....can you imagine?!) to get a jolt of a manic period and can think positively and hopefully about things to improve yourself, it is a VERY "flowers for algernon" window of time before you KNOW you ARE going to get DEPRESSED again....so then you are ashamed AND hopelessness seeps in and then you are well down the primrose path to a depression again. (funny how i go into "you" and not "me" there....)

It doesn't help that MANIA gets a really bad rap....a really HUMILIATING rap. Like, if you are manic you are gonna go rack up tens of thousands of dollars of creditcard debt whilst whoring around and yelling out grandiose platitudes, painting half of your living room rainbow colors at three in the morning, reading ten books at once, hooking macrame, and looking in the mirror with delusions of grandeur affirmations....ALL AT THE SAME TIME...

THAT is what you are programmed about the GOOD/POSITIVE/UNDEPRESSED "thing" you can LOOK FOREWARD TO if you have bipolar. (i am refusing to use the phraseology "disorder"....)

I may be kinda loose with my money, sure, but I get the bills paid month after month and not a person of the five of us is GOING WITHOUT anything at all to the best of my ability...(and with CAREFUL, THOUGHTFULL, FRUGAL, THRIFTY planning and spirituality) But I will ALWAYS have the FEAR (because of brochures and programming) that because I have bipo I will be binging money out my ears (how to be a functional bipo enough to get the MONEY to DO THAT i wish i knew! ha!) and that everything that I actually DO with the energy i possess outside of Depression is also NEGATIVE and then CRASH!!!!!!!!

Well, I don't know about those of you who are living paycheck to paycheck like this, but every Saturday morning the money is spent....(Sunday afternoon at the latest, or i can pretty much guarantee that if it werent gone before, it is gone or set aside for some $3 thing at your kids school in NO MORE THAN 72 hours!!! Am I right or am I right??!) A friend of mine is a lawyer. He has called it "Payday Euphoria" in conversation. Multi-million dollar settlements or a few hundred dollars in small claims court....When someone gets an amount of money they experience "Payday Euphoria"...You know you do...right??? (if you don't, do comment, I wanna learn your secret)

I sat and watched the "kindergarten moms" my son went through preschool and school with for the first few years of his life, while we lived in colorado, live FAR beyond their means. If my first husband and I were, and we were, then they just HAD to be. I sat back and I watched and I said "Someday they are going to pay for that. When it is no longer acceptable for people to live on "credit"...." I would mutter and lament to my best friend (at times when I had to borrow 75 cents to get bread or something such) "SHOW ME THE GOLD STANDARD FOR THE CREDIT CARD DEBT!!!" I didn't know it would be this soon, that the bottom would fall out like it has, but I CALLED it...i watched it from outside.

They didn't even have the MANIC to use as an excuse.

As for the whoring, we won't even go into that...I guess just take anythoughts of money out of there, add that these people I talked about up there are ALL ABOUT THE SWINGING (which to me is abominable, personally, at this phase in my life. but thats because I have a shame-based mood disorder...i guess) and don't even lie to me, yuppies....I can't go a week without someone up my craw about whether or not we "Swing"....

As for the delusion of grandeur affirmations...I am doing an experiment now, where I am gonna start BELIEVING THEM for once. At least recording them, so that I can meet myself maybe maybe maybe in the middle when I am depressed...I will let you know how that goes.

I have also been studying "EGO" a bit, so do me a favor and read this again, taking out all the I's and Me's and My's and all other references to me, steff, and insert, our lovely humanity! ha! ;)

Anyhoo...I wanted to impart to you the UP UPUP UPUPUPUP thing (and I think I did) and touch upon the "Flowers For Algernon" aspect I go through...and the changes I am trying to make, and the EGO thingie....I have done so....

I hope I will be back to crafting soon. Come and see my house and the mess it's in, I dare ya! ha! Bring a bucket and a broom and you clean it if YOU want! i (think i) am PLENTY ready to set this house and everything I can in it to rights...again...for a few days....

(because I am a GREAT woman, a LOVING mother, an EFFICIENT homemaker/keeper, and a Pretty goddessy lovely bipolar pos(t)er girl ;) )) or am I????!!!! hahahahah or is THAT the grand illusion and i really AM just a nogood, horrible mother sack of poop, like i think when i am depressed....??? Seriously, given the choice, which would you think about yourself?! ha.

PS
Gonna start using as close to college "capitals and stuff" as I can, even editing....I am not so big on being able to change the grammar yet and am not comfy taking out the dots........yet
but i hope you can notice I am going to try....I better practice. I will be in school in no time.

So welcome back, I hope. Again. Someone do me a favor and track these bursts in the archives and let me know what the pattern is....thnx hahaha

Have a beautiful day.week. however long....

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

charlie sheen's video message to president obama

2009-09-12T09:34:00.001-04:00

2009-09-08T21:39:00.000-04:00

another day another TWO! owls....

2009-09-03T20:51:00.002-04:00

i have begun to use the sewing machine on the owls. i still handstitch the eyes and the hole at the bottom after i have turned them inside out and filled them.

it's much easier and FASTER....

these are for....

my great neice alyssa....

and my neice marissa....

survey sent home from bastian's teacher....filled out by me...ready to turn in tomorrow....panic attack (bastian's) avoided....

2009-09-02T22:53:00.002-04:00

I guess it is unofficially Bastian Week...i used to not blog about him much and it seems that lately that is all i do. ha.

His teacher sent home a survey to be filled out...i planned to chill out and write it this weekend. Not so...needs to be turned in by friday or bastian will get DETENTION (!!!!!) emphasis his....so here it is....

in bold are the "questions" in "regular" are my answers....

In a million words or less tell me about your child. Feel free to use the back of the paper, if necessary. (it's like she knew me ha)

My Child:

1)Is motivated when.....people believe in him and are up front and honest with him. Strangely, I wanted to write "when he is challenged or when someone is negative about something, he likes to prove them wrong." Sebastian likes to be one of the brightest and will almost always give above and beyond what is expected of him. He reads in his spare time, for instance, and spends hours doing activities that enrich his mind. He has an abundance of hobbies and interests.

2) Has strengths, gifts, talents, and abilities that include....
Sebastian is wise. We have always spoken to him in a very clear, direct way and have been very thourough with explaining the world around him. It is my opinion that he is intellectually gifted because of the way we have raised him to be quite openminded and able to hold his own in his thoughts, beliefs, and actions. He is extremely well-read and quite capable of expressing himself and his sometimes strong opinions.

3) Is successful when....
Sebastian seems to be a very successful kid in general. He believes in himself very deeply. He is bright and witty and really enjoys engaging people and situations that challenge him and reward him.

4) Has difficulty with...
handwriting!- because he is "sloppy" and gets ahead of himself and does things perhaps too quickly. He has trouble with neatness and tidiness in general (as have his father and i) He has difficulty understanding how people can be cruel and thoughtless.

5) Enjoys activities that allow her/him to be....
challenged and kept occupied. He likes to be both imaginative AND book-smart. He likes to be rewarded and recognized. He enjoys building things, either with legos or building or craft supplies and enjoys writing and creating his own enjoyments.

6) Something you may not know about my child is...
that Sebastian has been through a LOT. Between the ages of 5-8, he experienced his father's and my divorce, his father's death, a new stepfather, two new siblings, and a cross-country move. He has come through it pretty well adjusted, in my opinion, and wiser for the experience.

7)One last thing I would like to tell you is....
Sebastian has been raised by two very unorthodox parents and an artistic stepfather. He is very aware of the world at large, politics, art, and culture. He is very well-traveled and has been to almost half of the states in this country and experienced the world and people around him with a very realistic and hands-on approach.
Sebastian has over ten grandparents/great grandparents/and even a great-great grandmother who is 93 years old and in three very distinctly different geographical locations in the country. Here in ohio, in the mountains of colorado and by the sea in texas. He has been able, through the multi-generational way he has been raised (one of his best friends in the world is his 75 year old great grandfather) to absorb lots of old fashioned and even for his place as a child in the modern world-historical- interests and pastimes, that i don't think a lot of kids are raised with these days. This has enriched him greatly.
He is a good boy all around. He doesn't have much interest in peer pressure or conformity.
He is very aware of politics and history and has a very keen sense of social justice.
I could go on and on. I am very proud of Sebastian and love him for the baby he was, the boy i have seen grow, the young adult he is becoming, and the well-rounded man i work everyday to help him grow to become.
He is a great help and influence to his younger brother and sister and a treasure to have as a son.
Thank you for this chance to express what i think and feel about him. I hope you enjoy having him in your class.

shhhhhhh don't tell bashie....

2009-09-02T11:02:00.002-04:00

but, his owl is done! :)
i am pleased with it. they are getting MUCH easier to do. this one was a breeze. the backing and front are a dark green corduroy. the wings are from a pair of tweed pants i had (that i also made pants for fred from)and i did a new thing where i only did two "layers" of eyes. just a tiny corner to cut to make life easier...and still just as "owly" if not more.
i decided that once bastian's was done, i was going to start bagging the owls up to put in the solstice closet, to await the holiday (they are starting to overtake my backroom haha....) and when i gathered them all together i was stunned that i had indeed made all four so far....(and of what it will be like when i get all the others done with their many colors and wing patterns....exciting!

graphjam.com makes me happy....

2009-09-01T23:26:00.001-04:00

i recommend going and playing the RANDOM button....enjoy!
(click these graphs to make larger...fun!)

twas the night before fifth grade.........

2009-08-30T21:07:00.006-04:00

and all through the house....momma and bashie did the BACK TO SCHOOL TIDY SHINDIG at the very very last minute (afternoon)...

bastian has a very neat room, filled with all sorts of wonderful things for a ten year old boy, if i may say so myself. he has many interests and it is wonderful to watch him grow and learn and utilize the world around him.

i don't blog about bastian nearly enough, will work harder at that. but he is a pretty independent soul so i don't fret much with him and do little kiddie things like i do with the babies. but no less is the love i have in my heart for my firstborn....

ok! so here is bastian's room! (left to right in a circle. ha)

he has this roll-top desk that was his father's. a great heirloom. one he will be using a lot this year and in the coming years, i imagine. his dad used to do his BUSINESS at this desk. it is a cool, cool desk. today i thoroughly organized it and put things in their rightful places to have a great study area. i am especially pleased with what i did on the top "shelf" (what is that word?)...
i had some cool planters that i got at a yard sale (with a handful of other stuff for a dollar!) and bastian's favorite color is green. so i put his pencils (sharpened and all with erasers...a feat! ha!) in one of them and his pens (all tested!) in another. then i put his scissors in a jar with his erasers...then i spaced them with his collections of marbles, stones, and seashells....gorgeous!

beside his desk is a little space where he has his bean bag chair (that he got at a rummage sale for $2), his spare blanket for cozying up (in front of a good movie or reading a good book)...in the camoflauge bag is his metal detector (very top of the line, from papa jake...)on the wall are his lightup moon phases moon thingie (awesome gift from uncle david and aunt iris), and a collage of old american currency that he got when we took grandma mae and grandpa jake to the garst museum. papa bought the frame :)...

then the A/V corner...ha. he has a television, that was our old tv, we are borrowing his that was his dads because it is bigger, for the family. his dvd/vcr combo is broken. we need to get another.(but no hurry, but i guess before winter would be nice) the bureau was his dad's. it was sebastian's when he was a baby, then his dad had it, now he has it back. in those drawers are *a junk drawer *dvds *favorite vhs movies * not favorite vhs movies. he has a computer (windows 2000, wassup) that he got for xmas a couple years ago. (what a thrill!) he also has a nutracker "collection", the tall one is a pirate (for his dad...i get him one pirate thing every xmas, as a tribute....) it is his tree topper as well....two alarm clocks. one is for the cd player and radio. note the papa gandalf....also the penny holder on the wall was his dad's that they completed together. it has a penny from each year 1950-2000 along with a timeline of things that happened that year. it's rad. the plaques are his prizes from the coin show he showed at in march.

then in the other corner is his BOXES OF STUFF....hey, nobody's perfect and this is the best i can do without shelving! :) but at least today they are ORGANIZED! it's the small victories, folks! note the compound bow on the wall (from grandpa), dad's canteen, and greenday and obama posters....awesome kid, man.

bastian's bed.....he used to have a futon bunk bed. it was his one true desire in life. we got it. it squeaked and we never worked out how to use the top and he never used it as a futon. he has always liked to sleep on mattresses on the floor so this is his setup now...(and it is COMFY!) green sheet, green faux down comforter, tony stewart throw, old beat-up pillow that he has written on and everything! teddies...
bulletin board (his BIG birthday present this past birthday---that is what he WANTED)
pictures of his dad and dad's family, and OF COURSE the SURRENDER THE BOOTY flag!

THE BOOKSHELF!!!! grandma mae made the bookshelf years ago. she gave it to me. i gave it to bastian. it is so friggin awesome....wish i could take better darn pictures. he has such GREAT books....also some of his postcard collection, his picture box, various journals, just neat neat stuff... sitting beside are his set of encyclopedias (these were young married bobby's and mine...so cool) and BIG RED DICTIONARY that was a wedding gift from grandma mae....

HOGWARTS
bastian is building "hogwarts" (harry potter's school....just sayin') out of legos. from his own imagination. it is soooo awesome and so amazing what a kid can do with time and imagination and freeplay....

there he is...that's my beauty! i love him....i am sure he will have a great year this year at school and in everything he does!

pass it on kids day....

2009-08-29T22:32:00.010-04:00

today we spent the day at yellow springs. i had seen an ad on craigslist that the kid's consignment shop that i LOVE there, Pass It on Kids, was having a FREE day....i assumed this was a yearly thing, or perhaps a seasonal thing....either way we were TOTALLY GOING...and we did!
so, get this....there will be millions of more yellow springs blogs as we go along our merry moonstone way "secreting" ourselves there in 2-2 1/2 years, and i will post the pics from todays trip, as we moonstones, tomorrow...but on topic.....
the store is gorgeous and wonderful and right up our alley....the clothes are gorgeous and a little funky and just my style for my kids. (the littles, basically. bastian doesnt really do clothes, at the moment) the prices are LOOOOOW....it makes me SOOOO happy just to be there, on the occasions that jonathan and i have visited. there are clothes, toys, books, shoes, all SORTS OF GROOVY kids' stuff...i HIGHLY recommend that you stop in if you are in town and even that you make a trip of it, if you have littles...it is incredible.
the people there are so nice and generous, the BEST place i shop for my kids, hands down, by far (ok, i like going to salvation army on half price day and getting clothes for 15 cents or a quarter, i am only human....)
so, i saw this ad that they were having a freeday....so i packed up a bag of whatever i could find of the littles' clothes to swap, if it were a swap, having just sent copious amounts of clothes to the Reservation just a couple weeks ago.
get to the springs, go to the store. she explains to us that it is just FREE day, that anything in a section of the back room that we could use, that was on tables set aside, was FREE....

OMG........

so i found some awesome stuff, which i will post photos of at the end...
she looked through my stuff that i brought and said that most of it (i mean 80-90% of it, probably 20 items) she loved and would put on the floor as consignment, if i wanted. well, let me tell you, i wanted! the possibility of store credit at this place fills me with utter delight! she offers 50% on store credit and 40% cash! i am in heaven at this point. the maybe 5 things she didnt accept as consignment, i donated to the FREE piles...
then.......get this!
THEY DO THIS EVERY SINGLE MONTH!!!!!!! on the last two days of the month!!! (excepting that they are closed on monday, so the days for this month are today and tomorrow...)
can you even believe this?!!! i am just floored and thrilled. i, of course, won't be going there every single month, but i probably will seasonally, or a few times a year at least, i ain't too proud! :) plus now i know where i can donate the copious amounts of kids clothes that get filtered through my house from handmedowns.
and where i can refer my other mommy friends to...and those who may be going through rougher times....life is good.
this is their facebook page, if you want to fan them for future reference:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Yellow-Springs-OH/Pass-It-On-Kids/73474053168
and here are the scores you have been waiting for.... the fave scores of the day...
this is the whole kit and kaboodle, or most of it, i also got several turtleneck shirts for both littles for winter (5), a neato scarf for the costume box, two women's wool sweaters to make bella some wool pants, and a skirt to use the fabric for fred's owl....

this is a double-layer pink flowery sheet for bella's bed someday...

four pairs of jama pants/underlayers for bella....(one with OWLS...omg)

neat t-shirt for fred...

dress for bella next summer...

tie dye for bella....

friggin awesome corduroy longsleeve, laced, shirt that i want fred to wear once at least for pics, but iguess will have to go to bella :)....

corduroy vest with flowers embroidered in it....(for the lunabell)

and the tie for *******SCORE(S) OF THE DAY*******
t-shirt with matching onesie with phoenixes on it (when fred wears the tshirt it will be "river phoenix"...omg)....guess i am gonna put the onesie in the "grandbabies box", eh?

and this DARLING PERFECT WONDERFUL DELIGHTFUL dress for bella to wear this indian summer...if i must, next summer i will let it out as a top or a dress it is homemade and INCREDIBLY CUTE...

in which i state the F word, but not in the title because it shows up on my facebook.............(a rant)

2009-08-28T10:54:00.005-04:00

****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************FUCK THIRD SHIFT...seriously. fuck it.

it was far easier to do the "whitetrash housewife thing" that i do, when jonathan worked second shift. it would even be easier to pull the "june cleaver shift" (first) than this bull. shit.

i know, i am supposed to keep an uplifted "attitude of gratitude" that he has any job at all....so that he is not LAID OFF....but i am at the end of my rope.

i HATE that life revolves around HIS JOB anyway. this does not bode well with either my feminist leanings or the marrow of my bones.

i have not evolved past it. my only hope is to train bella up to hopefully grow fins and opposable thumbs in the feminist department.

if it were third shift at some other ANYTHING that benefits mankind more than creating war machines, i might be ok. but i doubt it.

such is the lament of the uneducated, floundering masses, eh?

i am just torn up. he works from 11pm to 7 am ....sleeps from 8- whenever, skulks around from whenever to 11 and then does it again.

and i am not ANGRY at him. well sometimes i am, i am only human. i am angry at our inability to improve THIS....

mine most of all.

i have been meditating all morning on "poverty as a symptom of mental illness" and/or vice versa "mental illness as a symptom of poverty"....why? what have YOU been doing with your morning??

this amidst diapering and clingy fred and endofsummer bastian. this on payday morning with our weekly (but not socialist/communist) $324 on the PayKard (the K for Kommunist)....

the poverty really doesn't bother me anymore. it's the CEILING that is bothering me.

the ceiling of social anxiety disorder, of my depression, of the healthcare "debate" i care so much about, the ceiling of not being able to pull myself up by the bootstap and GO TO SCHOOL, the ceiling of all my glaring inadequacies....wanting jonathan to be happy and doing something he loves as a passion and not hanging war parts on hooks to feed our family....

but i am in a pretty ok mood. really.

i just haven't left the house in a couple months for anything much. (at all)...

and when given alternatives i am scared of them or at the very least, supremely reluctant to mingle around PEOPLE.

bleh.

rant over.

for now.

maybe next year i will do it again.

(all that is keeping me from fixing the snag in my sewing machine and finding my bliss again...(and "ignoring" ALL OF THIS) is a stubby screwdriver...(i think)....anyone have one i can borrow?)

*****UPDATE********* i got a stubby screwdriver saturday in yellow springs for three dollars at the hardware store....AND....jonathan got LAID OFF from his job (at least for one shift+) FOUR HOURS after i wrote this blog......!

the owl book....

2009-08-27T14:04:00.003-04:00

decided to cut up all the owls today....did all but fred's....(gonna give havie the blue one after all....)... EIGHT....eight owls...
i put the small pieces in a ziploc bag/each owl...
then i put the body pieces and the ziploc bag in a binder in divided sheet protectors.
very very organized....just how i like things...

now on to straightening the house before dada awakes....

hey, pretty good day so far. you?

ted.

2009-08-26T09:44:00.002-04:00

i am utterly devastated......................

peace.

bella stargirl....

2009-08-25T10:08:00.005-04:00

bella likes stars....bella can say "stars"....therefore she is a star...if you wanna get technical, she would be "the second star to the right"....

the yellow flannel is from the grandma mae stash...the felt is from the felt stash. so the cost is pennies...

this has been a beautiful excersize in not procrastinating, and what that feels like. thank you for sharing it with me....

gorgeous....

now...what does bastian want to be????

fredder pan

2009-08-24T13:17:00.005-04:00

fred has been watching peter pan most of this year....so what better for his halloween costume???
came up with the idea last night....costume completed today...two months early...i am doing SOMETHING right.
and i really did do pretty good. i am proud of myself anyway. a rare thing....

using my dress pattern and pants pattern, the rest was off the top of my head, especially the hat, which i am ever so amazed by....

felt....50c for a HUGE stash last year at 127 garage sales

green shiny fabric from the grandma mae stash....free

dancing with the manic bits.....

2009-08-24T01:34:00.002-04:00

it's 1:40am....i didn't think i would do THIS again, after my 12 hours+ sleep this weekend...(altogether)....

ah well...in the past hour i have

looked up blah and blah on etsy

thought to look for halloween costumes for the littles (and to ask bastian what he wants soon)

looked up costumes for the littles in about a million places

decided on peter pan for fred

put a $17.95 +$6.00 shipping peter pan costume on my ebay watch list

went to the kitchen and cut out, from my green fabric from the grandma mae stash, the peter pan costume pants for fred, and from my felt stash, the hat....just gotta do the top before the end of october...i think i can manage it..

cut out bella's wool soaker pants from that sweater i bought, but it is too small, so i am gonna make a wool jumper instead, with legwarmers....

cut out bella's green/flower pants from the 25c pants from the garage sale day

all of this is on deck for sewing first thing tomorrow. i find that works.....

for what did i just do this week, if not sew my way out of a dark abyss....

i am going to have to learn to embrace the bipo if i am ever going to get happy...

or do i get happy and embrace the bipo????

both!

goodnight! :)

how i spent sunday....

2009-08-23T17:31:00.005-04:00

i spent saturday cleaning...kinda ....

today i decided to not let the sun set on these two owls i need to do.

the first one is for fairygoddessdaughter nynaeve (nenn-uh-vee)....it was her birthday LAST sunday, so i am a tadbit behind.... i really love the materials in this one, but it didn't photograph half as cute as it is...i REALLY need some lessons in how to use my camera better....

front:

back:

the "wing" fabric was a frock coat to a little dress bella had of the same material...saving the dress for the grandbabies....

the next was supposed to be for fairygoddessson haven, but try telling that to fred! so i guess it is for fred....he won't let go of it, anyway.... it did not photograph well at all, but the draw on this one is that it is SOOOOFT....lots of soft, almost velvet, fabrics....

guess i will have to find something else for havie....gonna have to get these in the mail next friday.....

funny pictures of the week

2009-08-22T15:46:00.002-04:00

hindsight is 20/20

2009-08-21T22:26:00.002-04:00

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

super friday funtime!

2009-08-21T18:49:00.002-04:00

possibly new feature, possibly not, but i am posting this today.......

this made me very very happy....no small feat....

have a good weekend! :)