Our Year Of Living (Beautifully) Without WalMart

Thursday, June 19, 2008

infidels!

(originally posted june 22, 2007)

i have spent the past YEAR in a near-constant study of infidelity having been placed in this terrible position (rather than having been the one doing the placing, but as i have learnt, that is merely luck, i think)...

i must start by saying that i have found incidents in my past that make me not so perfect in the cheaty department...i didn't have to think too long and hard, either...there are some glaring examples in my shady-as-under-a-willow past...i had just not been cheated on (sort of) because before my first husband i hadn't allowed myself to be IN A RELATIONSHIP. That, or no one allowed themselves to be IN A RELATIONSHIP with me...

Previously, i was the "cheated with" (courtesan is the word i use when in a good mood about the whole thing, which is rare, but happens) but not this time...this time i was the "cuckoldess" ...(the word i use when i try to be witty) and it has been a one way trip to worse-than-hell and back...
Most pitiful part of the whole thing is that i wasn't cheated on physically...i was cheated on emotionally/mentally/retardedly...and i still had to go through an entire year of near constant study about infidelity! (anyone else wanna sign up to be me?? god musta spent a little more time on me! ha)

I am gonna be contradicted here (and have been) but i MUST say that i would rather have been cheated on physically than what i have endured... but i also always seem to get myself mixed up with boys i woulda rather had hit me than emotionally/mentally/not-so-retardedly (i want to say "abused" but i will say...) fucked with me instead....

However it happened (really, if you wanna know and have a year and a half to listen, ask and i will tell you everything) it was almost unbearable to endure...it was the fire my selfworth had to trudge through, to say the least...and i am (maybe) almost out of the woods now...

The interesting aspect (or disgusting, whichever your mood or level of respect for me, i suppose) is that i found that A LOT of men cheat when their women are pregnant...and what a GREAT zippadeedoodah time to do it too! And when i thought back to my cheaty escapades, they all happened (that i know of) with men whose women were pregnant! This makes me evil, and i hadn't even acknowledged that before this happened to me...Two times with the same guy several years apart. Two different babymamas and me! It really did shock me...One was an "intellectual dalliance" i carried on with a man DIRECTLY before I met my current husband.

So when instant karma reared its ugly/beautiful head(s) how was i so shocked?! How did it take this long to suffer through?? Perhaps it was the post-partum depression, perhaps i really DESERVED to suffer for what i had done to the other women and it really WASN'T about what had been (Boo HOO HOO HOO HOO) done to me...

Whatever my lesson is, i am writing this to pay it forward to anyone with any sort of second thoughts about their relationships...IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO BE OPEN AND HONEST...seriously. If a friendship is too friendly, or a piece of ass is THAT tempting...it is really a good idea to be MATURE enough to TALK about things with your partner rater than pissing off the karma police, as i have done, and now as my partner has had to suffer through with me for an entire year...

And, for the love of Pete, if there are children involved...need i even say more? Are we going to be the evolutionary generation who does HONESTLY better for our children than was done to us or aren't we?!

Thank you for reading this far...after 399 days...firstdraftnorevision...

Have a beautiful day and be loving to each other...

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